1) Ryan and I are on leave and we're hanging out at our new place. The doorbell rings and I open the door to see MSgt Rogers. He seems kinda angry, and asks why we're not at work. I tell him I'm on leave, and that I left a copy of my leave form on his desk before I left. He acts like he doesn't believe me, but then tells me he's just joking. But he's still upset with Ryan. I leave and go onto base and I see my Mom teaching a bunch of little kids.

1) I'm in a Hallmark store, and I'm looking at these little cutout animal posters, and I'm thinking about shoplifting them, but then this old sales lady comes over and asks if I need any help. We start talking for a bit, and then she leaves. I try to find the posters again, but all the shelves and aisles have moved around.

2) I'm hanging out at this bar and there's this big gang of people there who are all criminals of some type. I'm driving this huge car and it's parked outside, and I'm worried I'm going to get a ticket, but the gang members tell me not to worry about it. Also, all the gang members have their birthdays in different months, because they say it's good luck. One of them is this really tall female, and I start talking to her about what it's like to pull off a bank robbery.

1) I'm with my squadron and we just finished a deployment. Before we can get back home, we have to stay overnight in this big mall somewhere in the AOR. We're divided into groups, and each group has to sleep in a different store. Plus, we all have a curfew, and we can't leave the store unless we have this card. I want to walk around, but it's getting late, and the guy in my store that has the card won't give it to me, so I wait until they're all asleep, and I grab the card. As I'm leaving the store, this girl stops me and tells me not to go, so I start yelling at her. I leave and walk around, and then come back and apologize to the girl. The next morning, we're getting ready to leave, and I see one of the lieutenants in my squadron driving around in a Volkswagon Beetle and he has it decked out to look like an iPod. After we get on the bus, I start making fun of his car, and then I shut up real quick because he's sitting right in front of me.

1) I just get back from a deployment and everyone I was deployed with has to fill out these big surveys. I turn mine in to my boss, and he's looking it over, and he starts asking me all these really personal questions that have nothing to do with the deployment. I get really nervous and start wondering why he's asking these strange questions. Then he starts acting like he's just joking around. I smile and leave his office, but I'm feeling really uneasy about it. I go back to my office and my parents and grandparents are there. They say it's almost Christmas so they've come to take me home. I go to grab my bag, but first I have to go help the commander's secretary clean out her office. We're trying to vacuum up her office with a shop vac and there's all this water everywhere and it keeps messing up the shop vac.

1) I'm at the house in Morganfield and there are lots of people hanging out. I'm standing in the family room and looking out the window when a mortar hits and blows a big hole in the side of the house. People fly everywhere, but they just get up and act like nothing has happened. I yell at everyone to get down and take cover in case there's another one, so everyone lays on the floor. Another mortar hits and it's even bigger than the first one. There's a Japanese guy laying on the floor in front of me, and his clothes are on fire, but he doesn't know it, so I put the fire out. I get up and take cover next to the fire place. Nicole walks in the door leading to the garage and looks at everyone lying on the ground and acts like nothing is wrong. I tell her to go into the basement and do a UXO sweep, and, for some reason, I keep calling her "Erin."

1) I'm hanging out with the Fantastic 4, and Drew Barrymore is there, too. She's got some kind of superpowers, as well. We're in this basement or warehouse or something, and we start talking about some secret documents. Drew decides she's going to take the documents to the police, and I tell her she can't do that yet. Suddenly, we're all fighting with each other and Mr. Fantastic is all stretched all over the place and I'm trying to grab the documents and run out until we can decide what to do with them.

1) I'm going to school and living in this really nice apartment. After class one day, I'm in the bookstore, and I run into this pretty attractive girl, and we start talking for a while. I go home and invite some friends over to hang out, and even though I didn't invite her, the girl from the bookstore shows up. She starts acting really annoying and obnoxious, and eventually, everyone leaves except her. She tries to hang out late, but I get kinda fed up and politely ask her to leave. She walks out the door and I go to bed. I start hearing noises coming from my closet, so I get up and look inside, and she's in there messing around with my clothes. I get angry and yell at her, and she leaves again. I get back in bed, but I can't sleep because I'm so scared this girl is going to be back in my apartment and try to hurt me.

1) These two guys in my shop are in a horrible car accident, and everyone thinks they're dead, but they keep showing up for work and they look like zombies, but they act normal. Then Caleb, Josh, Sarah, me, and a bunch of other people are riding around in this huge SUV on our way to the movies and we have a wreck. We get out of the truck and walk to the movie theatre and everyone is staring at us. After the movie, we start talking and realise we all have broken bones and we're all bloody and we should be dead, but we're not. I go back to work and the two zombie guys there start being really nice to me.

2) I'm walking around the mall and we get attacked by aliens, just like in War of the Worlds. Me and this girl get picked up by the big tentacles and we're inside the ship. I don't think the aliens can see me because I'm still a zombie, so I start messing around inside the ship trying to pull wires and stuff to get it to crash. This big alien eye shows up and sees what I'm doing and freaks out. The ship starts to fall and the girl and I jump out just in time before it crashes.

1) I'm at an Armani Fashion show, but I'm not wearing anything Armani because I thought it would be tacky to wear a guy's clothes to his own show. I'm standing along the side of the catwalk and all these supermodels are there and walking around. Sometimes they come stand by me and start making small talk with me, but I don't think anything about it. I just accept it, like I've been friends with them all my life. For part of the show, they bring out all these wheelchairs and a bunch of people, including Lindsay Lohan, start racing around in them.

1) I'm at a house next to the ocean, and there are several people living there. I'm in the process of moving in, too, but I still have most of my stuff at my old place. I'm messing around with the computer and I can't get it to work, so I call a repair guy and he comes over. While he's working on the computer, I'm laying on the floor and Sarah Brown comes in and lays on the floor with me. The computer guy finishes his work and we all go out to the beach. While we're there, we see this giant tidal wave coming, so we run back toward the house. The wave crashes, but it just gets our feet wet. I start looking around for my car, and I can't remember where I left it. Caleb comes home and picks me up and we drive around looking for my car.

2) I'm flying in a private jet with a bunch of people including Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver. We fly to this small town in South Carolina. We get off the plane and start helping wash the trucks at a fire station. There are also a bunch of children around and we're playing with them, too. There are all these little ponds and fountains all over the place, and these goldfish are swimming in them. We gather up and start to get back on the plane again, but as we're going through the little passageway to get on, the plane takes off and this guy is standing on the wing.

1) Scott and David, two of my friends from high school, are living in Utah, and we're riding around town trying to decide what to do. Caleb is also with us. David is really depressed, and I'm trying to cheer him up. I start talking about how it was totally God's plan that all three of us ended up in Utah, and how great it is to live near both of them again. We're driving around to different malls and talking about what to do for the weekend. I start reading a newspaper and I look up and realise we're stopped and Caleb is gone. Scott tells me he went inside the mall, so I go inside, too, because I want to look around. While I'm inside, I look down and I'm only wearing tighty-whitey underwear and I'm walking across the tile floor and I slip and fall and I feel like a total idiot. I just keep walking hoping nobody noticed, but I know they all did. I find Caleb and he's messing around with these little toys that spin across the floor. I try my hand at working it, but I'm not as good as he is.

1) I'm getting ready to go skiing with Mom, Dad, Angie, Chris, Andrew, and John, and on the way to the lake, some of us are riding in the boat while it's still on the trailer. We cross the river toward Indiana, but somehow end up back in Morganfield. We get out and start hunting for Easter eggs and a bunch of hidden candy.

1) I'm home visiting Garah because her parents are having a big party for her because she graduated med school. There are all these people from high school there, and we are all swimming in this big indoor pool. Garah is passing around all these old pictures and we're all signing the back of them.

1) I'm home visiting my parents, and they live in this huge mansion. One night I get in my car and drive into this big city to go to a rave. I pull up to this old warehouse and find a parking spot. When I get out of my car, I see a cop driving around really slowly, and then I see my Dad pull up on his motorcycle and start talking to the cop. I walk past the spot where the rave is, and down to a little convenience store and pick up a soda and a pastry. The girl at at the counter starts flirting with me, but I don't think she's very attractive, so I just kinda smile and walk back to the party.

1) My parents live in this huge mansion and my Mom has started up a reality television show where all these guys are competing for something, but I don't know what. I go home in the middle of filming all of it, and I'm driving my old car around the property. I see these three guys walking around wih a bunch of luggage, so I stop to ask if they need a ride. They end up being these guys who lost out on the show, so they're on their way home. They all get in and I start asking them about this television show because I haven't even talked to my parents yet.

1) I'm home visiting my family and one night while I'm sleeping, there's a big earthquake. The next morning, we find all this damage to the roof of our house. We go to visit my grandparents and I spend most of the time there watching TV. I go out to my old high school and end up getting put in a group that has to perform a play for the 7th graders to tell them not to use drugs. I go into the library to make a copy of the script, and realise I don't have a way to get back to my house, so I call a cab. I'm riding in the cab and it starts to rain. When we get back to my house, the cab driver says she appreciates the way I didn't try to make meaningless conversation with her. At my house, there are a bunch of people, including some carpenters from my shop in Japan, trying to help my parents fix the roof.

1) I'm a professor at a college and I'm walking down the hall. I stop and see Bruce Willis teaching in one of the rooms, so I listen at the door for a minute. He's telling a joke, but I don't hear the whole thing because another professor sees me and thinks I'm slacking off so I leave and go to the bathroom. I walk into the bathroom, but all the urinals are really high so I have to stand on my tip-toes to pee and I feel kinda stupid. I leave the bathroom and see Jon Wright and we decide to go on a road trip to look for this missing guy. I have a big motor home and we both get in, and then this random old guy gets in, too. He starts giving all this annoying old-person advice and Jon and I want to tell him to get out, but we don't have the heart so we decide he can just go with us. We're getting ready to leave town and I stop at a grocery store to pick up munchies. I grab some Pringles, Pop Tarts, and a few other things, but it's too much for me to carry, so I ask the girl if I can leave it at the counter while I get sodas and she gives me a mean look.

1) I'm at some kind of camp and I wake up one morning and it's Friday, so I decide to skip the classes I'm supposed to attend and walk around. I'm kinda paranoid that someone will catch me, but I do it anyway. I'm walking around through a bunch of buildings, and suddenly I realise I'm really far away from where I started, so I get in this random car and start driving back. The road gets really slick and I'm sliding all over the place and running into these big fences. I get back to this big building where everyone else is and they're talking about this big ceremonty we have to go to. Then something goes wrong with all the plumbing and I volunteer to fix the plumbing in order to get out of going to the ceremony.

1) I go down to Vegas to visit Melissa, and when I get there, she's still at work, so I walk into the compound and they are in the middle of a big formation. I see a bunch of people from Misawa in the formation, and after they're done, I go talk to Melissa. I start to give her a kiss, but she tells me not to because other people will see and start rumours. We talk about what we're going to do over the weekend, and after she leaves, I stick around to talk to some of the Misawa people.

2) I'm in the audience at the David Letterman show, and he gets some volunteers to do a bunch of crazy stuff. I have to walk around this big parking lot and get people to write letters about Jessica Simpson. After we get back to the theatre, all of us are on stage with N*SYNC and we make funny t-shirts for them. We leave the stage and end up outside, but when we try to get back to our seats, nobody will let us in. The show ends and everyone leaves, but I stick around because I want to tell David Letterman some great ideas I have for future stunts.

1) I'm shopping in a big mall with my Dad and Caleb Wendt. I stop to look at some sunglasses, but I can't find a decent pair. They're all really weird or funny coloured or something. When I look up, Dad and Caleb are gone, so I walk around the mall searching for them. I find Dad, but I think he's kind of upset that we all got separated. He tells me to stay right there, and he's going to go look for Caleb, but as soon as he leaves, Caleb walks up from the other direction.

2) I'm in this weird town and everyone seems to be hiding some kind of secret. I'm walking around and whenever I try to talk to anyone, they act really suspicious. I go out into the country to this old abandoned house, and Gilbert Gottfried is there. He tells me to go up onto the balcony. I walk up the stairs and Tim Allen and Tom Hanks are up there. Tim is trying to tell everyone about a book he wrote that exposes all these weird secrets in the town, but nobody will listen to him.

1) I'm at a big party with a bunch of people I don't know. I'm walking around and trying to make conversation with people, but nobody seems too impressed with me. I walk upstairs and see a bunch of people playing cards, one of whom is Heather Armstrong. I try to talk to her and look cool by referencing old Liz Phair songs, but she doesn't seem very interested. I walk back downstairs and a bunch of porn stars are giving lap dances, so I sit on a couch and one of them mounts me and starts gyrating.

1) I'm taking some kind of music class at a school located in this really old, really tall building. It's the first day of class, and I'm kinda nervous, and I have to climb several flights of stairs to get to my classroom. When I get there, the teacher assigns me the duty of evaluating everyone else. I start looking over everyone's work, and I'm being a really harsh critic. I leave and go to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. I stare for a really, really long time, and eventually, I see myself as other people see me, and I realise how ugly I am.

1) I'm at the Hospitality House in Japan and about seven of us decide we want to go on base. We all pile into my truck, with four in the back and three in the front. We're going through the POL gate and the guard checks our IDs. Just as we are pulling away, I hear her say something about too many people and not enough seatbelts, but I just keep driving. We drive by the club and it looks like a big casino, so we decide to stop. One of the guys in my truck is Wes Pardue, this guy I went to high school with, and he's playing the flute.

1) I'm in college and I'm playing volleyball with a bunch of people, and all I'm wearing is underwear and a sweatshirt. The game ends, and I go across the street to my dorm room. There's a package laying on my bed from Alex's parents. Inside, I find a t-shirt and a Transformer watch that has this big toy gun sticking out of it.

2) I'm in a band that's playing at a festival inside a big train station. My parents are driving me to the station and parking is really confusing. I get out of my parents' car, and go get into another car where Sleater-Kinney is hanging out. We start talking and I mention that I saw them at a festival in Indio, California, which was the same show where Sonic Youth got all their equipment stolen. We keep hanging out in their car, and I have my computer with me, but it starts acting funny. Then I show them my cool Transformers watch that Alex's parents sent me. I wonder if I should start talking to them about Jesus.

1) I'm at a party at an old warehouse and there are a bunch of people there I was acquaintances with in high school and college and Vegas. The music is really loud and everyone's dancing and stuff. Then this girl starts passing around pills and I'm getting a really bad feeling, but they keep pushing them on me, so I put a handfull in my mouth, but I don't swallow them. I walk outside and I start spitting out the pills, and Ellen Degeneres is there and she starts lecturing me on helping the homeless.

1) I'm testing for promotion, and since there are so many people testing, we have to test at this big high school. Some guys I work with and I take a GOV to the school and I'm playing with this Transformer that all the officers gave me as some kind of congratulations gift. When we get there, we talk to this guy at the entrance that if we don't have a time yet, then we have to walk around to the teacher's lounge to get one, but the teacher's lounge is all the way on the other side of the school. So I start walking there, and for some reason, I take my shirt off and all I'm wearing is a pair of khakis. I keep getting lost and it takes forever to get to the teacher's lounge, and when I finally do, this lady there tells me they've just given out the last testing time for today, and I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm really bummed because it took forever to get there, and I kept getting lost and stuff.

1) I'm riding on the back of a flat-bed trailer going down the highway, and there's this big accident, and somehow I end up developing super powers where I become really bendy. For my super-hero name, I pick "The Contortionist."

2) I'm at a big furniture store and Scarlett Johansson is there. I accidently knock this big glass table over, but it doesn't break. There's a fire place and this criminal guy starts tunneling in through the bottom of the fire place, but when he breaks through, the whole floor starts to collapse. Everyone is running out of the store and Scarlett trips and starts to fall into the hole. I grab a rope and pull her out.

3) I'm on a street corner in a big city and I'm talking to these two girls that work in a deli. Then the National Anthem starts to play over a PA system, so I stop and stand at attention. After it's over, the girls just kinda stare at me for a minute, then we start talking about how a bomb went off at another deli and they're both really suspicious of the government because the only guy that was killed was saying really bad things about George Bush. I leave and walk down the street to a big amusement park. I go in and they have this big display set up that looks like slave quarters on a plantation in the south in the early 1800s.

1) I'm on a trip to Vegas with my parents and my grandparents. We check into the Las Vegas Hilton. My Dad has reserved a suite, and we get to the room and it's really big. Unfortunately, I have to sleep on the fold-out sofa. It's getting dark outside, so I walk out on the balcony to check out the view of the Strip, and at first I don't see anything because there's a big black-out. Then, slowly, the lights start to come back on.

2) I'm in Vegas and I'm staying at the Luxor with a bunch of friends. Sarah Jessica Parker is there, and we're hanging out. It's around 9 PM and I tell her I want to go back up to my room and shower before we go out to clubs that night. She tells me to meet her for drinks at 10 and gives me her cell phone number, which makes me really happy because she doesn't give her number to just anyone. I get back up to my room and get ready. Then I start to freak out because I can't find my phone and if anyone finds it and sees Sarah's number on there and starts calling her, she's gonna get really mad at me.

1) I'm working at a base in Morganfield, and I'm out in the woods doing a site survey with the Commander and a couple other guys. We walk by a cemetery and we start talking about doing a project to make the headstones look nicer. We also see an open grave and someone starts talking about how they used to bury people alive, and I think about how horrible that would be.

1) I'm living in the dorm and one night Jay Tennant comes in my room and asks if he can have a couple days off work to go to a graduation ceremony. I say it's cool, and then I ask if he has any plans for the evening. He says he and Thaddeus are going to perform some kind of rap thing at this really exclusive club. I ask if I can go, and he says it's okay, but I can't bring anyone else since the club is so small and snobby.

2) I'm at a University of Louisville basketball game and they're having try-outs for a dance team. I leave the ball game and go home where I start sorting through all the books on my shelf. The bookshelf falls over, so I start putting all the books back up, and as I do, the characters in the book come to life and start yelling at me.

1) I PCS to another base, and when I get there, they stick me in a structures (carpentry) shop, and also, my brother is working there, too. I'm clueless about how to do any kind of carpentry work so I'm just kinda walking around, watching what other people are doing, and trying to look busy. A bunch of officers come in to give out a bunch of awards, and they're just randomly walking around to see if anyone's name is on the list. I'm thinking that I have an award coming, but I don't want to appear too eager. I see them leaving, so I tell my brother I have an appointment and I start walking out with all the officers. They see my name on my shirt and pull out this big huge plaque with my name on it and present it to me.

1) I'm at a rollerskating rink with Jeni-Bomb and a bunch of other people from Misawa. We're skating around and we decide to try to do tricks like in the iPod commercial, but it's a lot harder than it looks and we just end up sliding around on our butts the whole time.

2) I'm at some kind of opera house or something, and I'm sitting in a seat and I'm thinking the performance is getting ready to start, but I kinda have to use the bathroom, but all I'm wearing is a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt and I don't want to walk through the lobby because everyone else is really dressed up. I have a backpack underneath my seat, so I'm going through it hoping there's a pair of pants or a sweatshirt or something. I keep asking the people around me when the show is going to start, but they keep changing the subject.

1) I'm at my old Church and we're singing the Lord's Prayer and we finish, but then I turn the page in the hymnal, and there's a second verse but the words are all modern and hip-hop-like (i.e. Big Daddy, all up in ya crib). I'm kinda liking it, but I look around and I see all the old ladies frowning.

2) I'm shopping with some girl I assume is a friend of mine, and she tells me she wants me to go back to her house with her because she's suspicious of her husband and she doesn't feel safe. So I go back with her, and her husband and her son are watching television. I sit down and watch TV with them, and she gets up and leaves, so I'm feeling really awkward because I've never met them before.

1) I'm at work, and there are a bunch of people asking for a bunch of paperwork I don't have, so I'm searching frantically all over my desk, but it's not turning up anywhere.

1) I'm driving along a highway, and I'm taking an exit to get onto another highway. I'm driving about 65 mph, and I look up and see a cop with his lights on. At first I think he's probably after someone else, but when I pull over, he pulls over, too. I get my license and military ID out and he comes up to the passenger side of the car and gives me a ticket. He's wearing some kind of hunting outfit, and the only way I know he's a cop is by his hat. I tell him there was no signs telling me the speed limit was any lower than 65 mph. Just then, a guy pulls up behind the cop car and gets out and starts yelling at the cop. They start arguing, and the cop tells me I'm going to have to follow him back to his house. We get back there, and the guy who pulled up turns out to be the cop's son. The son's girlfriend is there, too, and all three of them are arguing, and I'm just sitting there feeling really awkward.

1) I'm walking around this huge mall, and I decide to go into an electronics store to see if they have the camera I bought any cheaper. While I'm in there, I see this guy who has two very young sons in wheelchairs. They both have to go to the bathroom, so I try to open the men's room door for them, but it's locked. I go up to the clerk and ask why the door is locked and he just kinda smiles and apologises. I start walking around the mall again and decide to get a smoothie, but I can't find the smoothie place.

1) I'm visiting the Church I grew up in, and instead of the traditional organ/piano/choir music set-up, they have a five-person band playing P&W. They're totally rocking out, and I'm kind of stunned to see all the little old ladies singing along. Then they stop and start leading everyone in a chorus of "How Majestic Is Your Name" and one of the girls in the band starts playing the bassoon.

2) I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dream telling me to shave my head, but I don't really remember the details.

1) It's my first day in the desert and I'm moving all my stuff into my tent. All the tents are co-ed, but nobody really cares. I need to go by the BX, but I don't know where it is, so I grab my flak vest and helmet and start wandering around trying to find it. Some guy tells me he'll take me there, but we get separated and I end up getting on the back of a truck with a bunch of people. I'm sitting next to a girl, so I start talking to her. I ask her where she's from, and she says northern Alabama, so I ask if she knows Brad and Kristy. She starts smiling and we find out we were both at the wedding in March.

1) I'm working for some kind of special forces and my mission is to go behind enemy lines and blow up a bunch of their equipment. But I can't just shoot at it, so I have to get in to their tanks and planes and helicopters and plant dynamite inside. So I'm running around throwing all this dynamite into all this equipment, and sometimes I see the enemy soldiers inside the cockpits and they're all dressed like stormtroopers. After a while, they start chasing after me, and I'm running up to one helicopter with nobody inside, so I decide to hide out in there. I get inside, but the stormtrooper guys are right behind me and I don't have a lot of time, so I do my best to hide. I get real still and I can hear them right outside and I'm really paranoid that they can see me.

1) I'm in college, and I'm taking time between classes to go run at the gym, but when I get there, I just walk aroun the gym looking for something to do, but don't actually work out. I go to a diner afterward to get something to eat, and while I'm sitting at the table, all these kids come in with Kiss makeup on. So I leave and go back to class, and I'm sitting in front of this really cool guy so I turn around to talk to him, but he's talking to the guy behind him. I turn back around, and I see Lana sitting the next row over.

1) I'm in Japan and I'm bowling with a bunch of people. We finish, and we're walking out to my truck. I'm waiting in line to pull out of the parking lot, and a big, huge truck pulls up next to me and scrapes the side of my truck. All these sparks are flying, and I'm getting really angry. So I get out, and the guys in the other truck get out and say how sorry they are. I'm starting to think that these guys will never pay me for the damage they've done to my truck.

1) I'm working in a big office building when all the power goes out, so I find a flashlight and I'm trying to find my way out. As I'm walking down the hallway, I find a little boy hiding in the corner, so he comes with me. We hear footsteps behind us, and I turn around and see this creepy looking maintenance guy following us, so we start running. We're going down the stairs, and I decide to check to see if the elevators are still working. We find an elevator door, and push the button. The doors open, but it's an empty shaft. I'm looking down the empty shaft and the maintenance guy is inside climbing up the walls. The doors start to close and the guy grabs my leg and I'm trying to get away.

1) I'm a groomsman in this really big, elaborate wedding, and it's right before the ceremony is about to begin, and I still don't really know what's going on. Everyone is running around trying to get last minute stuff done and I'm just kinda standing there watching. Regardless, I'm excited because I heard someone say Weezer was playing at the reception. Then I see Dan come in and find out he's a groomsman, too. He's got his tux with him, and I follow him into the bathroom to help him put it on. I'm kinda disappointed, though, because he doesn't seem to excited to see me, even though we haven't seen each other in almost two years.

1) I'm at work and I'm doing some job at the hospital. They have a bunch of chemicals and they're worried about whether they can just dump them down the regular drain or not. I'm trying to do a bunch of research on the pipes and where they lead and what the chemicals are. Then this doctor guy tells me I need to fill out some financial aid forms. So I'm working on these forms and I don't know the answers to any of the questions, so I start making up answers, and I'm really worried they'll catch me.

1) I'm walking across the border into Mexico, and I see some guys playing soccer in a park, then I walk down a big hill and up to the passenger side of a black car. The window rolls down, and it's my sister (Ed: I don't have a sister.) in the driver seat and a little girl in the passenger seat. My sister says they are taking a road trip down to Cancun and just stopped to get something to drink. The rear window rolls down and Drew Barrymore is in the back seat with two other little girls. They are drinking lime slushies. I start talking to Drew and she offers me a drink of her lime slushie, so I drink some because it's really hot. I start flirting with Drew, and then she mentions her boyfriend is one of the guys playing soccer at the top of the hill, but she doesn't sound too pleased with him, so I keep flirting. Eventually, they say they need to get going, so they leave and I start walking back to the top of the hill, but some Mexican army guy grabs my arm and stops me. I start fighting him and punching him, and I'm surprised he's really easy to beat up. He starts chasing me up the hill, and we stop every few feet and fist fight some more. Every time I knock him down, though, he gets back up and catches up with me. We get to the top of the hill, and some guy I can't see starts shooting at me with a machine gun, so I use the army guy as a human shield to make my way back across the border. Once I'm on the American side, I'm perfectly safe again.

1) I'm with Russell Crowe on a big ship (like in Master & Commander) and the ship is sinking because the crew hit it with their own cannons. The ship sinks and everyone is happy and laughing.

2) I'm a guest on David Letterman along with Janet Jackson, and it's the day of the show and I'm walking around the studio. I tried to get on an elevator with Janet, but the doors closed too fast. Suddenly, I'm a black guy and I have really long hair. I'm getting my hair and make-up done before the show, and the lady is trying to make my hair look really funky, but it doesn't work, which is good because I don't like it anyway. Now I look like myself again, and I finally run into Janet and tell her I totally intend to buy her new album, but I'm in the military and in the middle of deploying to Iraq and all I brought was my iPod. I'm hoping for some major sympathy in the form of a free CD or autograph or kiss, but she just looks at me and smiles and says "thanks." Also, the whole dream is interspersed with scenes from the movie "Mumford," which I've never seen.

1) I'm working as an operative in some foreign country where the government is corrupt and holding a bunch of people captive. I'm trying to help this girl escape and I meet up with her, and all she wants to know is where she can get Taco Bell.

1) I'm back in Misawa, and I'm giving a new guy a tour of the base. We're driving around the flightline, and I'm trying to show him all the cool stuff that Misawa has, but he doesn't seem too impressed. So we go to the BX and start looking at X-Box games.

1) I'm working as a counselor in a high school, and I'm lecturing this female student who doesn't like to participate in class and kinda has an attitude. After she leaves, I start talking to the other counselors and saying how I wish I was more of a rebel and an individual when I was in high school instead of such a follower.

2) I'm hanging out at Caleb's house one afternoon, and I realise it's getting pretty late and I'm supposed to be having people over to my house that night, and I still have to go to the grocery store. So I get to the store and I'm looking at the milk, and I see two different sections of milk and I don't know what the difference is between the two. I start reading the labels for each, and I see this other woman is doing the same thing. We start talking and we decide that one section is the regular section and the other section is the organic milk. I start putting a few gallons of organic milk in my cart, and then I see Caleb pushing my cart and he tells me I have too much milk.

1) I'm at some kind of summer camp with my family, and I get in trouble (I don't know why) so they make me deliver mail for the rest of the week. Ken, a guy from my shop, is there, and he tells me he's supposed to drive me to the main counselor's cabin. I told him I could drive there on my own, but he says since I got in trouble, I'm not allowed to drive, either.

1) I'm deployed to Guatemala and we're working on the demolition of an old building. My brother is operating a big crane and I'm riding on the wrecking ball. He gets really mad at me, and starts chasing me around this old building. At first, I'm fighting back, but then decide I'm going to lay there and be peaceful and just let him beat up on me. He decides not to. Then we go back to camp and we're all planting gardens and trying to decide which vegetables to plant and where to plant them. Plus, we all have to decorate our tents in a certain way, and I want to put Christmas lights on mine. Then I'm getting ready to go to bed, so I take a shower and I realize I'm out of q-tips, so I go out to the bus to see if the bus driver, who happens to be Don, has any. He does, but he's only got a few left, so I tell him I'll just do without.

1) I'm snowboarding with a bunch of people I don't know, and the snow on the mountain isn't very deep. We keep coming across patches of grass. It's getting really dark outside, and one of the guys I'm with says his house is just ahead. So we snowboard into his yard, and go inside for a while. I hang out with his family for a while, but decide I need to get home, so I start to go outside and put my snowboard on. I'm kinda worried because it's dark and I don't know my way back very well. Then his Mom comes out and tells me she'll take me home in her truck.

2) I get orders to go back through basic training again. I get there, and everyone is really nice, like we're at summer camp or something. We're checking into our dorms, and outside, Liz Phair is putting on a concert, but nobody else knows who she is, so I start requesting songs and she starts talking to me. I go back in and we start playing these cheesy icebreaker games. The only person I recognize is this guy from my shop that I don't really know that well, so I'm desperately trying to make small talk with him. I'm also worried about whether they'll let me keep my contacts in or if they'll force me to wear those ugly basic training glasses.

1) I’m in Vegas with a bunch of people, and we’re looking around for Jim and Nicole’s house.  We find this electronic map, and I point to where their house is with a little pen, and suddenly, all of us are right outside their door. We go inside, and Jim and Nicole start cooking us this really great vegan dinner. We're all eating and decide to go walk around downtown. We end up in this really scary neighborhood, and decide to turn around and go home.

1) I’m driving through Morganfield with my parents, and we stop at a motorcycle show so my Dad can check things out.  We’re walking around looking at all these motorcycles, and I see a bunch of my Dad’s old girlfriends.  I’m wondering if my Mom will get jealous, but she doesn’t.

1) I'm at this big waterfall with James Murphy and his parents and we're taking a big tour of the area. Then the waterfall stops, so I decide to climb up the side of the mountain. I get towards the top and the water starts flowing again, but it's going over me, so I'm not really getting very wet, but I can't see anything because of all the mist. I want to get to the top, but I can't, so I start to climb down again. When I get to the bottom, I see James and his parents get into a big truck and drive away.

1) I'm on tour with the choir in college, and we're staying overnight at this cabin in the woods. There's a really scary monster outside, so everyone's really afraid. A girl and a guy start fighting, and she grabs his shoe and throws it out the door, but he doesn't want to go get it because he's afraid he'll get eaten by the monster.

2) I'm sitting in the kitchen in the house in Morganfield watching Alanis Morrisette sing at some awards show on television, and my Mom comes in and she's been crying, so I ask her what's wrong, and she won't tell me. So I keep asking her and she finally says that she and Dad have been thinking about having another child and they were supposed to have a doctor's appointment the next day, but my Dad couldn't get out of work. So, I hug her and tell her how awesome it would be if they had another child, but whatever's best.

1) I'm in class in college, and there's a new guy I've never seen before, so I decide to be nice and introduce myself. He's a football player and he comes back to my dorm room and shows me this really cool website. He ends up hanging out for a really long time, but it's starting to get late and I want to go to bed. So I put on my pajamas and he just kinda stands there looking really clueless, like he doesn't know I'm trying to go to bed and he needs to go home.

1) I'm at my house in Morganfield for lunch, and my parents are there, but they go back to work shortly after I arrive. Before they go, they ask me to do a few chores while I'm home. So, I eat really fast, and the phone keeps ringing, and I'm trying to get all these chores done before I have to go back to work. I'm doing the dishes, and there's something wrong with the garbage disposal and it keeps shooting food up all over me.

1) I'm helping teach a bunch of people how to swim. One of the other teachers is Tania, and we're standing by the side of the pool talking while all the students are in the water. One of the students is a little older, and I look over and see her getting out of the water, so I walk over and ask her what the problem is. She says she's upset because she's older than the others but can't seem to pick up the technique as well, so I give her a little pep talk and she gets back in.

2) I'm moving into a dorm room, and by some mistake, they've put four people, two of which are girls, in the same room, which is meant for only two people. The other guy in the room is Brad, so he and I start thinking of ways to build a loft into the room so everyone has a place to sleep. We start playing around with guns and shooting at each other, but not really intending to hurt anyone. Then a bunch of FBI agents bust in and interrogate us regarding what we think about the cast of ALF.

1) I'm on this big trip through the mountains with everyone from the Hospitality House. We're all in a big bus and the roads are really curvy and everytime we go around a sharp curve, I keep thinking the bus is going to fall over the side. We stop at a rest stop because Jean-Marie has to pee. I get an e-mail on my phone from Don, who is waiting at our destination, asking where we are and how long until we get there. I write him back saying we should be there in a couple hours. We get back on the bus and the trip seems to be taking a lot longer than a couple hours. We finally get there, and we're in this big city and Melissa is there. We go into a bar and Melissa starts riding a mechanical bull.

1) I'm talking to this guy who sells cars, and he asks if I'll help him. We go to some kind of convention and set up a booth, but nobody stops to talk to us, so I quit.

2) Ann Williams and her husband, Jon, are in Utah for Jon's promotion ceremony. It's at the Chapel, and I walk in and see a local TV news crew doing a segment, so I'm trying really hard to stay out of the view of the camera. There's a children's choir singing and they sound really great. Later that night, I'm at home watching the news, and I see the segment.

1) I'm at a big science fair, but it's, like, in the 1800's or something because they have an old telephone here and the people are talking about how it's going to revolutionize the future.

2) I'm at the BX looking for a last minute gift for someone and picking up my dry cleaning. They're getting ready to close and the lady working there gives me attitude about being there so late.

1) I get hired at Gap as a manager, and it's my first night of closing the store. I can't remember all the stuff I'm supposed to do, so I do what I can and then drive over to another Gap to ask their manager if I did everything right.

2) I'm getting a new job as a civilian on base, and the lady I'm going to be working with is showing me around the office. We're walking around, and we go into the Chapel and I see a Chaplain and his wife that say they recognize me, but they can't remember from where. So I start listing off all the places I've been stationed and TDY and deployed, and then they say where they know me from, but it's not one of the places that I've been. But they keep insisting that's where they know me from, so I just go along with it.

1) A bunch of people from Misawa are staying at this big hotel suite on a mini-vacation. We're going out the lobby doors and I see this really attractive girl, and she asks me what my name is, so we start talking and she tells me she has a drinking problem. She comes with us and we start going to all these different festivals around the area. We're all at one festival where everyone is jumping up and down and carrying these big sticks, and Kerry tries to explain it to us. We stay out all night long, and get back to the hotel suite the next morning. Everyone checks out and goes home, but when I get home, I realize I've left some clothes at the hotel, so I have to go back.

1) I'm getting ready to leave Japan, along with Jimmy, and they don't have room for us in billeting, so we're staying at this tiny Japanese hostel. It's on the third floor of this old building, and to get up to it, we have to put a ladder together. But everytime we put the ladder together, someone comes along and takes it apart. Later, we're walking around outside and I jump in a little pond, but I don't know there's a drainage line in the bottom of the pond and I get sucked down into it and have to push myself out.

2) I'm walking around a mall and there are three guys walking a few feet behind me. They're talking really loud, and I can hear them say mean things about me. I get outside the mall and I see a big lake. As I'm walking by the lake, I see Jean-Marie hanging out in a little speed boat. I get in and we start talking. Then she gets out, so I decide to take the boat for a ride around the lake. I'm driving around, and I see a big cliff and Paul is at the top getting ready to dive off. I stop and watch him dive, then he swims over to the boat. I get in the water and start swimming. We're swimming around underwater, and I start to run out of breath, but Paul pulls me down and somehow conveys to me that he wants to know if it's possible to feel the presence of God underwater. I'm about to run out of air, so I just nod yes and start to swim up, but Paul pulls me down again and tries to ask me another question. I just start nodding and then Paul nods back and we both swim up to the surface.

3) I'm at a Gap in Vegas and I'm asking them about getting my old job back, but they tell me they're over-staffed. I start talking with everyone and then Mike, one of the managers, asks me to take some jeans back to the stock room. I take them back, and Mike meets me back there and tells me he's going to put me on the schedule anyway.

1) I'm at my old house in Morganfield, and Jeff Young is there and he's really upset. I'm trying to talk to him and find out why, but he won't tell me. So, I'm walking around the back yard, and I see Paul hidden behind some trees, so I go talk to him. He tells me everyone is really angry with him, so he's hiding out for a while.

1) My parents are getting ready to throw this big party, and a couple days before, the daughter of some of my parents' friends dies in a car accident. My parents are debating on whether or not to still have the party. Then the girl's parents tell my parents to go ahead and have the party.

Sabbatical

Letter from the editor:
Due to the fact I'm in the middle of moving, thereby causing internet access which is, at best, sporadic, I'm going to put "Tripping Lucid" on a temporary hiatus. Rest assured, I'm still going to write down my dreams in a notebook, and will enter them back-dated once I have everything set up in Utah. Take care. Sweet dreams.
-cws

1) It's my last Sunday in Misawa, and even though I had told Brian I wasn't going to play piano for Chapel this week, I decide to go ahead and show up anyway. [True, this is actually happening in real life, but this is also how my dream starts out.] So, I show up to play, but there's already this lady there playing in my spot, and I get a little angry and tell her I'll go ahead and play. She gives me a dirty look and gets up. We start the service and I realize that the entire praise team has changed, and they're doing these really weird songs we've never done before. I'm doing my best to keep up, and I look over and see the lady glaring at me and smiling because she knows I'm having a hard time. We get to the last song of the service and I'm totally determined to play it really awesome. Right before we start playing, I see the lady move to another piano where the drum kit used to be. The song starts and we're both playing really loud and I'm concentrating really hard and I start sweating because I'm playing with such intensity. This goes on for a few minutes, then I glance over and the lady has gotten up from the other piano and walked away, and I'm thinking "Aha! I've won!" So I keep playing, and after a few minutes I look up and the people on the praise team are gone and I look out and nearly everyone in the congregation has left and I just feel stupid.

1) I'm at some kind of camp or deployed or something, and all the guys with me are guys from my college fraternity. We're in an outdoor assembly getting ready to hold elections, and I'm in front talking to the current President. I'm trying to convince him that it would be a good idea to get Whitney Houston to come to a party, but he's not so sure. I get really frustrated and tell him I'm not so happy with how things are going in the fraternity, and he gets mad and tells me that maybe I should run for President. But I get all nervous, because if I decide to run for President and I don't win, then I'll feel like a big time loser.

1) I'm working in my office, and I see this kid who's about 10 years old walking around our shop. I ask around to see if anyone knows whose kid it is, and somebody says they think his last name is Cortes. Then I'm thinking I don't even know anyone in our squadron named Cortes. So, I'm walking around the shop, and the kid walks right in front of me and collapses on the floor and stars convulsing. I'm freaking out because I don't know what to do. Then somebody says to just leave him there, and he'll quit. So I'm standing there because I don't want to just leave the kid on the floor, and he stops and gets up and walks away. I'm walking back toward my office, and I see Don, so I give him a big hug, and we're getting ready to go back into my office to chat and just as I start to close the door, the kid comes into my office and drops to the ground and starts convulsing again. So I tell Don that he'll stop in a minute, but then this weird white stuff starts spewing out of his eye, like crazy string or something. So I get up to see if I can get help, and everyone else in the shop starts staring at this poor kid on the floor of my office.

1) My family and I are walking around a big grocery store, and I see this plate of food for sale that looks really good, so I decide I'm gong to buy it for my Mom. We're still walking around the store, and I have this plate in my hand, and I'm worried about it getting cold, so I ask my Mom if she just wants to eat it now, and she just stares at my blankly. My brother starts teasing me.

2) I'm in my shop, and I decide I'm going to shave my head. So I get a can of shaving cream, and I put it all over my hair, and start in with a razor. But my hair is too long, and it just ends up looking patchy and I start to lose my patience. Then I pull out a pair of scissors to cut my hair to make it short enough to shave, and I look up and it's almost 4:30, but I don't want to leave work with my hair all jacked up, so I start cutting faster.

1) I get tickets to a crappy awards show because I think it might be fun and I might end up seeing some minior celebrities there. I get to my seat, and I'm sitting right next to Tom Hanks. He's sitting with two little girls, which I assume are his daughters. He says he decided to attend this awards show because he thought the Oscars were over-rated. They also have a buffet, so Tom gets up to go eat, and I think I'll wait a while, but then I decide to go anyway. I'm walking through the line, and everything looks really disgusting, so I keep walking thinking I'll eventually find something I like. But then I get to the desserts, so I just decide I'll eat a few desserts to hold me over until I can get some real sustenance. I'm wandering around with my plate and I walk through this doorway into someone's living room, and I see this lady and her daughter watching Good Morning America and there's some lady on there singing. When she finishes, they say that Courtney Love is going to be performing on Friday, and I'm all excited. Then there's an advertisement for a Courtney Love action figure.

1) Julia Roberts and I are going to this big movie theatre and we're not sure what we want to see, so we figure we'll decide when we get there and see what's playing and at what time. It's snowing really bad outside, and when we're pulling into a parking space, we hit the curb really hard because we can't see it because of the snow. We get inside the theatre and we're looking around for what movies are playing, but they're not listed anywhere, and all the people working behind the counter are too busy to talk to us. Then, this guy who works in the computer section of my squadron comes up behind us with two big potted plants in his hands, and he starts hitting us with them.

1) We're all in Vegas, and we decide to go to San Diego for the weekend (and, for some reason, we take our snowboards). We stop at a Nautica store and we're looking around, and Paul sees this spectacular leather jacket, and I'm desperately trying to convince him to buy it because it looks really good on him. I'm kinda disappointed because I can't find anything I really like.

2) I'm in some kind of college dormitory, and I go into this one room and all these girls are in there practicing witchcraft. They tell me I have amazing energy flowing out of me and get me to stand in a certain spot. They start waving their arms around me, and all of these cats come out of nowhere and start crawling all up and down my whole body. I'm kinda weirded out, but the girls keep telling me everything is okay, so I believe them. Then the cats jump off, and run away. The girls are all amazed and tell me I have a special spiritual bond with cats and that we'll always be connected. And I say, "Well, that totally stinks because I'm allergic to cats and now I'm going to be sneezing for a week." They look disappointed, and I leave the room.

1) I'm on a train helping these little kids get across the country to raise money for their orphanage. We get to some big park and we're playing kickball, when suddenly, the whole park floods. I'm swimming around trying to find all these children, and I look up and see this big, huge ship coming by. I try to grab on to the side, and I see Celine Dion, and she's reaching out trying to save me.

1) I'm in the States and I somehow end up meeting Heather Armstrong (aka dooce). I have a dog and it's playing with her dog and we end up talking about our lives and stuff. She offers me a ride, so I get in her car, and she hands me her cell phone, but I can't work it because I'm used to Japanese cell phones. We end up going to a big mall where all the guys from my squadron that deployed last October are hanging out because they came back to the States on their way to help with tsunami relief. We've been told to stay away from the plane, but I see other people getting up close to it and taking pictures of it.

1) I'm getting ready to go into a Polo store with Jay and Mike, and they start teasing me about how much money I spend shopping for clothes. So I'm determined not to spend any money in the store. But once we go in, there's a big sale, so I decide to just buy some underwear, but then I see these really cool t-shirts, so I'm going through them, but I can't find my size.

1) I'm in some kind of assembly hall with a bunch of college students. We're all working on this big project for a fair or something. This one annoying guy keeps bothering me and throwing a big rubber ball at me and quoting "Napoleon Dynamite." This other guy is trying to have sex with a girl, but every time they try, a chaperone shows up. Billy Bob Thornton is there, too.

1) I'm riding along with my Mom and my cousin, Elizabeth, and we see an old, abandoned house on the side of the road. We stop and we're looking around, and the house starts creeking and stuff, like it's going to collapse. We walk around to the side, and we see the back of the house is right on the edge of a steep hill. We go down the hill and explore a litte bit. Then the hill starts to slide down, so we run back up to get out of the way. The back of the house starts to fall in on itself, and the rest of the house is close behind.

2) I'm singing in a Christmas program at the Chapel, and Chaplain Rosenthal is leading the music. I'm handing out the sheet music to everyone in the choir, and there are extra copies, so the Chaplain says to give the extra copies out to the congregation, but I'm kinda nervous because these are the same copies we used in rehearsals and some of the people have written crude things in them. So I warn the people in the Chapel that there may be things hand written in the music that could be PG-13, or worse.

1) I'm hanging out with my Dad and my brother, and suddenly, Superman comes along and takes us to the top of the arch in St. Louis. I'm really nervous because we're on top of the arch, and a stiff breeze could come along and blow us off any minute. Then, Superman takes us to the top of the Washington Monument, and starts telling us all these facts about Washington, DC, and how the United States is so great and stuff.

2) I'm helping with some kind of construction project in some kind of third world country. I'm in the middle of mixing a big batch of concrete, and there are all these ladies there standing around watching me because they don't want to get dirty.

1) I'm in Morganfield at the home of Randy Hutchison, a friend of my Dad's, and he's showing me around his house and all the remodelling he's done. He's also telling me about his company truck and how he's only allowed to drive so many miles per month. He's nervous because he's getting ready to go over on his mileage, and if he does, he has to pay the company a lot of money.

1) It's my birthday, so I decide to get a hamburger at McDonald's. I take it to a picnic table outside, and it's the worst thing I've ever tasted.

2) I'm walking with Christina Ricci and another girl to Christina's home. When we get there, I find it's actually a big tent. We go inside and Christina starts talking about how she used to be sick all the time, and from the conversation, I discover she's allergic to the colour blue. And the reason she was always so sick before is because the tent is yellow, and when the sun shines through, it makes the blue things inside look green, so she didn't know she should have gotten rid of them.

1) I'm at a Christmas party thrown by the President. He's sitting at the head of the table and making a big speech, and I'm at the opposite end making jokes about everything he says. We all get little presents, and everyone at my end of the table opens theirs, and they're all little plush toys of Sesame Street characters. I have Ernie, and a girl sitting next to me gets ketchup all over it.

2) I'm a freshman in college and I'm eating lunch in the dining hall. I sit with a bunch of artsy-looking juniors and seniors, and there's one girl sitting next to me who's really attractive. We're all talking and I'm making some funny jokes and the really attractive girl is laughing, so I'm thinking I should leave and sit with some other people, so I don't look too desperate.

1) I'm going to be in a new movie directed by Steven Spielberg along with Will Smith and Oprah Winfrey. I arrive at the studio the same time as Will and Oprah, and the three of us are walking around trying to find the set. We find this little conveyer belt and stand on it. It takes us around the outside of a big building and then inside, but it's really dark. We start going faster and faster, and I'm starting to get kinda scared. Then it starts going in circles really fast right before it stops, and the three of us are in this big dark room, and Steven Spielberg is there and he says, "Glad you could make it."

1) I'm hanging out with Drew Barrymore and a bunch of other girls in Drew's bedroom. She has a big garden full of mushrooms and pumpkins. Something happens, and all the mushrooms get uprooted, so we all help Drew replant them.

2) I'm sitting on a big couch talking to two people I don't know, when one of them asks me how old Dan Haas is. I guess late twenties or early thirties. Then I get a call on my cell phone from some random girl asking me to meet her in an abandoned parking lot. I'm worried because I think she's angry that I guessed Dan's age wrong.

3) I'm at a mall in Tokyo with my parents, and we're at this really exotic pet store and there's strange fish and weird ocean creatures in aquariums all over the place. They have several big octopi and these eels with funky tongues. I'm talking with this family who has a really big dog that loves to play fetch. I leave the mall and get in my car to find another mall. When I get there, I'm worried I won't be able to find my way back to the first mall where my parents still are. I end up running into some other Americans, and I ask for directions, but first I want to find a Starbucks.

1) It's sometime in the future, but I'm not sure how far into the future, and I'm riding on a big subway train with a bunch of people who are really immature and joking around with each other and I'm starting to get embarrassed. We've been told the subway is outdated, and it's going to be demolished soon, so we're riding on it just for fun. I get off the train and walk through a mall to a GAP store and start talking to people I don't really know.

1) I'm hanging out with everyone at the Hospitality House, but instead of looking like the actual Hospitality House, it looks like our first house in Kentucky. Everyone is really excited because we all got e-mails from Caleb, who is home on leave. Everyone printed out the e-mails, and we're going around the room reading them aloud.

1) A friend and I are walking along a street, and these two terrorists pull up in a car and threaten to shoot us if we don't get in. They start asking us all kinds of questions and tell us they'll kill us if we don't do what they want us to do. Somehow, I don't really feel like my life is in danger, and I'm almost laughing at them and their lack of English skills.

2) I go onto a submarine where I see this guy Mike and a bunch of people I don't know. One of the people is this really attractive black lady with braids in her hair. She gets mad at me because we're on a submarine, and I left the door open when I got on. Then people start randomly having sex with each other. So, I decide to join in, but I'm looking for the black lady and I can't find her anymore.

3) I'm in a tiny cave with two people I've never met before. There's an avalanche, and it covers up the opening to the cave, so we're stuck inside. I have to pee really bad, so I go into the corner, and I pee so much it covers the entire floor of the cave, and one of the people in the cave with me is angry because she wanted to lay on the ground and sleep, but now she can't.

1) I'm deployed and my friend Jo and I are in the same tent. I'm walking around camp one day, and I see her husband Vince looking for her. I get kinda nervous because I don't know if he knows we're staying in the same tent, so I keep my mouth shut.

1) Trish and Jeni-Bomb are starting up a singing duo for Church, and they ask me to be their accompanist. We're driving to this Church out in the country to rehearse, and when we get there, there is already a group of people there, and they give us nasty looks when we walk in.

1) My friend Brad is getting ready to PCS, and I'm driving him to the airport. It's early morning, and still dark outside. He's wearing his blues, for some reason. We're driving to the airport, and I want him to hear the new Interpol album, so I pull over to the side of the road so I can find it on my iPod. We stop at a convenience store so he can get coffee. While we're there, he loosens his tie and starts doing this funny dance.

1) I'm at work and going around to different shops getting stuff ready for the squadron Christmas party. I'm talking to this guy about pictures for the slide show, and then everyone decides to go outside to this big grassy area outside the building. We're all sitting around watching planes fly, when one of the planes starts to go down. We're all watching, and the plane circles around behind us, and starts to crash. It hits the ground right behind us and it looks like it's sliding right toward me. I close my eyes and roll up into a little ball. When I open my eyes the plane has slid right throught the middle of the crowd, but only missed me by a few inches. I look ahead and it's still sliding. It hits a building and bursts into flames. It's burning so hot that a few people around me catch of fire.

2) I have a crush on some girl who's getting ready to go to Tokyo. I decide to look online to see if I can get cheap plane tickets so I can go with her. I look down at my computer, and the screen has detached from the rest of the computer, and there's some guy on my couch watching movies. I ask him if he knows anything about how my computer got broken, and he just kinda stares at me.

1) I'm walking around Wal-Mart with Jeni-Bomb and Kerry looking for beauty products. They tell me they're going to start cutting people's hair, and I tell them they can experiment on me. So we go to this house in the desert, and they cut my hair. When they finish, it looks like they've shaved the entire front part of my head.

1) I'm at the e-club, and it looks really different. There are a bunch of people there who are my friends, and Drew Barrymore is there, too. It's not very crowded, and we're all just haning out and socializing. Then it starts getting more and more crowded, and as more people come in, it gets really loud and rowdy. Then people are getting really drunk and turning tables over and stuff. My friends and I are getting really frustrated, because we just wanted to be mellow and hang out for a while.

2) I'm out in the country driving a Hummer and getting ready to deploy, but I don't know where to. There's a guy riding with me, and he says we're going to Haiti, which doesn't bother me at all.

1) I'm staying at this house with my brother and some guys from my squadron. It's late at night, and they're all sitting in the living room and watching television. I'm really hungry, and there's a half-eaten birthday cake, and I want some, but I don't know who to ask, so I just take some. I go outside, and there's these really weird, almost clear berries growing up from the ground. My brother comes out, and I ask if they're grapes, and he says they're raspberries, but they just don't have any colour yet.

2) I'm in a city, and I go into some bar, and they're having a dancing contest, but it's a group dance contest, so I go in to watch. I'm watching all the groups compete, and then one group gets up and it's full of really fat girls and a couple really fat guys. One of the guys says he's James Murphy's younger brother. They start dancing around horribly, and I think how embarassed James would be if he were there.

3) I'm at this house in a suburb with my brother, and we're visiting this couple who is friends with Gwen Stefani. Gwen is there talking to the wife and the wife is teaching Gwen how to be more erotic. So the wife, Gwen, my brother, and I are in a separate little house in the back yard, and there's all this ice cream. We start eating the ice cream, and I notice there is cheese and bacon in some of it, so I avoid it. Then my brother starts making out with Gwen, and I'm jealous, because I want to make out with Gwen.

1) I'm going home on leave, and both my family and my friend's family are picking me up. I'm putting my luggage in the trunk and I notice that all my bags are opened up and my stuff is strewn all over the place. I'm trying to get all my clothes and stuff back in the bags.

2) I'm going out with Avril Lavigne, and we're swinging at a park. There's a big group of red-necky old men there, too, and they're singing these really annoying country songs really loud, and Avril and I start laughing.

3) I'm living in this really small village, and I'm babysitting this 5-year-old girl who looks really sweet and innocent. But when her parents leave, she turns into this total demon child, and starts speaking in a really deep voice. I try to put her in her room and hold the door shut, but she breaks the door down.

1) I'm on some TV talk show, and I'm up on stage with a bunch of white-trashy people, and they start having sex with each other, and I'm wondering who's watching this on TV, and if I should join in.

2) I'm in a park in the middle of a big city with a bunch of guys from work. We're flying kites, and a couple of the other guys' kites have gotten tangled in power lines. I'm all paranoid about mine getting in the power lines, too. I'm running across the park with my kite and I look back, and, sure enough, it's all caught up in the power lines, but it's really low, so a couple other guys get it untangled, and I start flying it again.

1) I'm talking to a friend, and he gives me a little video game console, and tells me to start playing it. It's some weird Mario game, and the graphics are really good.

2) I've been asked by my family to go and stay at this big mansion for the weekend and take care of it. I get there, and it seems empty, so I'm walking around upstairs, and this guy shows up out of nowhere and scares the crap out of me. He's really nice, but he's kinda weird. Then, all these other people start showing up saying they're all distant relatives, and they're all weird or crazy in some way.

3) I'm on some kind of road trip with a bunch of people on a bus, and we stop at a gas station to use the bathroom. When I'm walking out, I'm really dreading getting back on the bus.

1) I'm in the house in Morganfield with Ben and we are scared because there is a team of female assassins after us. We're hiding in the basement and we both decide that while we're both afraid, there's something cool about getting chased by sexy female assassins.