1) I'm testing for promotion, and since there are so many people testing, we have to test at this big high school. Some guys I work with and I take a GOV to the school and I'm playing with this Transformer that all the officers gave me as some kind of congratulations gift. When we get there, we talk to this guy at the entrance that if we don't have a time yet, then we have to walk around to the teacher's lounge to get one, but the teacher's lounge is all the way on the other side of the school. So I start walking there, and for some reason, I take my shirt off and all I'm wearing is a pair of khakis. I keep getting lost and it takes forever to get to the teacher's lounge, and when I finally do, this lady there tells me they've just given out the last testing time for today, and I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm really bummed because it took forever to get there, and I kept getting lost and stuff.

1) I'm riding on the back of a flat-bed trailer going down the highway, and there's this big accident, and somehow I end up developing super powers where I become really bendy. For my super-hero name, I pick "The Contortionist."

2) I'm at a big furniture store and Scarlett Johansson is there. I accidently knock this big glass table over, but it doesn't break. There's a fire place and this criminal guy starts tunneling in through the bottom of the fire place, but when he breaks through, the whole floor starts to collapse. Everyone is running out of the store and Scarlett trips and starts to fall into the hole. I grab a rope and pull her out.

3) I'm on a street corner in a big city and I'm talking to these two girls that work in a deli. Then the National Anthem starts to play over a PA system, so I stop and stand at attention. After it's over, the girls just kinda stare at me for a minute, then we start talking about how a bomb went off at another deli and they're both really suspicious of the government because the only guy that was killed was saying really bad things about George Bush. I leave and walk down the street to a big amusement park. I go in and they have this big display set up that looks like slave quarters on a plantation in the south in the early 1800s.

1) I'm on a trip to Vegas with my parents and my grandparents. We check into the Las Vegas Hilton. My Dad has reserved a suite, and we get to the room and it's really big. Unfortunately, I have to sleep on the fold-out sofa. It's getting dark outside, so I walk out on the balcony to check out the view of the Strip, and at first I don't see anything because there's a big black-out. Then, slowly, the lights start to come back on.

2) I'm in Vegas and I'm staying at the Luxor with a bunch of friends. Sarah Jessica Parker is there, and we're hanging out. It's around 9 PM and I tell her I want to go back up to my room and shower before we go out to clubs that night. She tells me to meet her for drinks at 10 and gives me her cell phone number, which makes me really happy because she doesn't give her number to just anyone. I get back up to my room and get ready. Then I start to freak out because I can't find my phone and if anyone finds it and sees Sarah's number on there and starts calling her, she's gonna get really mad at me.

1) I'm working at a base in Morganfield, and I'm out in the woods doing a site survey with the Commander and a couple other guys. We walk by a cemetery and we start talking about doing a project to make the headstones look nicer. We also see an open grave and someone starts talking about how they used to bury people alive, and I think about how horrible that would be.

1) I'm living in the dorm and one night Jay Tennant comes in my room and asks if he can have a couple days off work to go to a graduation ceremony. I say it's cool, and then I ask if he has any plans for the evening. He says he and Thaddeus are going to perform some kind of rap thing at this really exclusive club. I ask if I can go, and he says it's okay, but I can't bring anyone else since the club is so small and snobby.

2) I'm at a University of Louisville basketball game and they're having try-outs for a dance team. I leave the ball game and go home where I start sorting through all the books on my shelf. The bookshelf falls over, so I start putting all the books back up, and as I do, the characters in the book come to life and start yelling at me.

1) I PCS to another base, and when I get there, they stick me in a structures (carpentry) shop, and also, my brother is working there, too. I'm clueless about how to do any kind of carpentry work so I'm just kinda walking around, watching what other people are doing, and trying to look busy. A bunch of officers come in to give out a bunch of awards, and they're just randomly walking around to see if anyone's name is on the list. I'm thinking that I have an award coming, but I don't want to appear too eager. I see them leaving, so I tell my brother I have an appointment and I start walking out with all the officers. They see my name on my shirt and pull out this big huge plaque with my name on it and present it to me.

1) I'm at a rollerskating rink with Jeni-Bomb and a bunch of other people from Misawa. We're skating around and we decide to try to do tricks like in the iPod commercial, but it's a lot harder than it looks and we just end up sliding around on our butts the whole time.

2) I'm at some kind of opera house or something, and I'm sitting in a seat and I'm thinking the performance is getting ready to start, but I kinda have to use the bathroom, but all I'm wearing is a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt and I don't want to walk through the lobby because everyone else is really dressed up. I have a backpack underneath my seat, so I'm going through it hoping there's a pair of pants or a sweatshirt or something. I keep asking the people around me when the show is going to start, but they keep changing the subject.

1) I'm at my old Church and we're singing the Lord's Prayer and we finish, but then I turn the page in the hymnal, and there's a second verse but the words are all modern and hip-hop-like (i.e. Big Daddy, all up in ya crib). I'm kinda liking it, but I look around and I see all the old ladies frowning.

2) I'm shopping with some girl I assume is a friend of mine, and she tells me she wants me to go back to her house with her because she's suspicious of her husband and she doesn't feel safe. So I go back with her, and her husband and her son are watching television. I sit down and watch TV with them, and she gets up and leaves, so I'm feeling really awkward because I've never met them before.

1) I'm at work, and there are a bunch of people asking for a bunch of paperwork I don't have, so I'm searching frantically all over my desk, but it's not turning up anywhere.

1) I'm driving along a highway, and I'm taking an exit to get onto another highway. I'm driving about 65 mph, and I look up and see a cop with his lights on. At first I think he's probably after someone else, but when I pull over, he pulls over, too. I get my license and military ID out and he comes up to the passenger side of the car and gives me a ticket. He's wearing some kind of hunting outfit, and the only way I know he's a cop is by his hat. I tell him there was no signs telling me the speed limit was any lower than 65 mph. Just then, a guy pulls up behind the cop car and gets out and starts yelling at the cop. They start arguing, and the cop tells me I'm going to have to follow him back to his house. We get back there, and the guy who pulled up turns out to be the cop's son. The son's girlfriend is there, too, and all three of them are arguing, and I'm just sitting there feeling really awkward.

1) I'm walking around this huge mall, and I decide to go into an electronics store to see if they have the camera I bought any cheaper. While I'm in there, I see this guy who has two very young sons in wheelchairs. They both have to go to the bathroom, so I try to open the men's room door for them, but it's locked. I go up to the clerk and ask why the door is locked and he just kinda smiles and apologises. I start walking around the mall again and decide to get a smoothie, but I can't find the smoothie place.

1) I'm visiting the Church I grew up in, and instead of the traditional organ/piano/choir music set-up, they have a five-person band playing P&W. They're totally rocking out, and I'm kind of stunned to see all the little old ladies singing along. Then they stop and start leading everyone in a chorus of "How Majestic Is Your Name" and one of the girls in the band starts playing the bassoon.

2) I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dream telling me to shave my head, but I don't really remember the details.

1) It's my first day in the desert and I'm moving all my stuff into my tent. All the tents are co-ed, but nobody really cares. I need to go by the BX, but I don't know where it is, so I grab my flak vest and helmet and start wandering around trying to find it. Some guy tells me he'll take me there, but we get separated and I end up getting on the back of a truck with a bunch of people. I'm sitting next to a girl, so I start talking to her. I ask her where she's from, and she says northern Alabama, so I ask if she knows Brad and Kristy. She starts smiling and we find out we were both at the wedding in March.

1) I'm working for some kind of special forces and my mission is to go behind enemy lines and blow up a bunch of their equipment. But I can't just shoot at it, so I have to get in to their tanks and planes and helicopters and plant dynamite inside. So I'm running around throwing all this dynamite into all this equipment, and sometimes I see the enemy soldiers inside the cockpits and they're all dressed like stormtroopers. After a while, they start chasing after me, and I'm running up to one helicopter with nobody inside, so I decide to hide out in there. I get inside, but the stormtrooper guys are right behind me and I don't have a lot of time, so I do my best to hide. I get real still and I can hear them right outside and I'm really paranoid that they can see me.

1) I'm in college, and I'm taking time between classes to go run at the gym, but when I get there, I just walk aroun the gym looking for something to do, but don't actually work out. I go to a diner afterward to get something to eat, and while I'm sitting at the table, all these kids come in with Kiss makeup on. So I leave and go back to class, and I'm sitting in front of this really cool guy so I turn around to talk to him, but he's talking to the guy behind him. I turn back around, and I see Lana sitting the next row over.

1) I'm in Japan and I'm bowling with a bunch of people. We finish, and we're walking out to my truck. I'm waiting in line to pull out of the parking lot, and a big, huge truck pulls up next to me and scrapes the side of my truck. All these sparks are flying, and I'm getting really angry. So I get out, and the guys in the other truck get out and say how sorry they are. I'm starting to think that these guys will never pay me for the damage they've done to my truck.

1) I'm working in a big office building when all the power goes out, so I find a flashlight and I'm trying to find my way out. As I'm walking down the hallway, I find a little boy hiding in the corner, so he comes with me. We hear footsteps behind us, and I turn around and see this creepy looking maintenance guy following us, so we start running. We're going down the stairs, and I decide to check to see if the elevators are still working. We find an elevator door, and push the button. The doors open, but it's an empty shaft. I'm looking down the empty shaft and the maintenance guy is inside climbing up the walls. The doors start to close and the guy grabs my leg and I'm trying to get away.

1) I'm a groomsman in this really big, elaborate wedding, and it's right before the ceremony is about to begin, and I still don't really know what's going on. Everyone is running around trying to get last minute stuff done and I'm just kinda standing there watching. Regardless, I'm excited because I heard someone say Weezer was playing at the reception. Then I see Dan come in and find out he's a groomsman, too. He's got his tux with him, and I follow him into the bathroom to help him put it on. I'm kinda disappointed, though, because he doesn't seem to excited to see me, even though we haven't seen each other in almost two years.

1) I'm at work and I'm doing some job at the hospital. They have a bunch of chemicals and they're worried about whether they can just dump them down the regular drain or not. I'm trying to do a bunch of research on the pipes and where they lead and what the chemicals are. Then this doctor guy tells me I need to fill out some financial aid forms. So I'm working on these forms and I don't know the answers to any of the questions, so I start making up answers, and I'm really worried they'll catch me.

1) I'm walking across the border into Mexico, and I see some guys playing soccer in a park, then I walk down a big hill and up to the passenger side of a black car. The window rolls down, and it's my sister (Ed: I don't have a sister.) in the driver seat and a little girl in the passenger seat. My sister says they are taking a road trip down to Cancun and just stopped to get something to drink. The rear window rolls down and Drew Barrymore is in the back seat with two other little girls. They are drinking lime slushies. I start talking to Drew and she offers me a drink of her lime slushie, so I drink some because it's really hot. I start flirting with Drew, and then she mentions her boyfriend is one of the guys playing soccer at the top of the hill, but she doesn't sound too pleased with him, so I keep flirting. Eventually, they say they need to get going, so they leave and I start walking back to the top of the hill, but some Mexican army guy grabs my arm and stops me. I start fighting him and punching him, and I'm surprised he's really easy to beat up. He starts chasing me up the hill, and we stop every few feet and fist fight some more. Every time I knock him down, though, he gets back up and catches up with me. We get to the top of the hill, and some guy I can't see starts shooting at me with a machine gun, so I use the army guy as a human shield to make my way back across the border. Once I'm on the American side, I'm perfectly safe again.