Wednesday, June 29, 2005

1) I'm at some kind of camp and I wake up one morning and it's Friday, so I decide to skip the classes I'm supposed to attend and walk around. I'm kinda paranoid that someone will catch me, but I do it anyway. I'm walking around through a bunch of buildings, and suddenly I realise I'm really far away from where I started, so I get in this random car and start driving back. The road gets really slick and I'm sliding all over the place and running into these big fences. I get back to this big building where everyone else is and they're talking about this big ceremonty we have to go to. Then something goes wrong with all the plumbing and I volunteer to fix the plumbing in order to get out of going to the ceremony.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

1) I go down to Vegas to visit Melissa, and when I get there, she's still at work, so I walk into the compound and they are in the middle of a big formation. I see a bunch of people from Misawa in the formation, and after they're done, I go talk to Melissa. I start to give her a kiss, but she tells me not to because other people will see and start rumours. We talk about what we're going to do over the weekend, and after she leaves, I stick around to talk to some of the Misawa people.

2) I'm in the audience at the David Letterman show, and he gets some volunteers to do a bunch of crazy stuff. I have to walk around this big parking lot and get people to write letters about Jessica Simpson. After we get back to the theatre, all of us are on stage with N*SYNC and we make funny t-shirts for them. We leave the stage and end up outside, but when we try to get back to our seats, nobody will let us in. The show ends and everyone leaves, but I stick around because I want to tell David Letterman some great ideas I have for future stunts.

Monday, June 20, 2005

1) I'm shopping in a big mall with my Dad and Caleb Wendt. I stop to look at some sunglasses, but I can't find a decent pair. They're all really weird or funny coloured or something. When I look up, Dad and Caleb are gone, so I walk around the mall searching for them. I find Dad, but I think he's kind of upset that we all got separated. He tells me to stay right there, and he's going to go look for Caleb, but as soon as he leaves, Caleb walks up from the other direction.

2) I'm in this weird town and everyone seems to be hiding some kind of secret. I'm walking around and whenever I try to talk to anyone, they act really suspicious. I go out into the country to this old abandoned house, and Gilbert Gottfried is there. He tells me to go up onto the balcony. I walk up the stairs and Tim Allen and Tom Hanks are up there. Tim is trying to tell everyone about a book he wrote that exposes all these weird secrets in the town, but nobody will listen to him.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

1) I'm at a big party with a bunch of people I don't know. I'm walking around and trying to make conversation with people, but nobody seems too impressed with me. I walk upstairs and see a bunch of people playing cards, one of whom is Heather Armstrong. I try to talk to her and look cool by referencing old Liz Phair songs, but she doesn't seem very interested. I walk back downstairs and a bunch of porn stars are giving lap dances, so I sit on a couch and one of them mounts me and starts gyrating.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

1) I'm taking some kind of music class at a school located in this really old, really tall building. It's the first day of class, and I'm kinda nervous, and I have to climb several flights of stairs to get to my classroom. When I get there, the teacher assigns me the duty of evaluating everyone else. I start looking over everyone's work, and I'm being a really harsh critic. I leave and go to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. I stare for a really, really long time, and eventually, I see myself as other people see me, and I realise how ugly I am.

Friday, June 17, 2005

1) I'm at the Hospitality House in Japan and about seven of us decide we want to go on base. We all pile into my truck, with four in the back and three in the front. We're going through the POL gate and the guard checks our IDs. Just as we are pulling away, I hear her say something about too many people and not enough seatbelts, but I just keep driving. We drive by the club and it looks like a big casino, so we decide to stop. One of the guys in my truck is Wes Pardue, this guy I went to high school with, and he's playing the flute.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

1) I'm in college and I'm playing volleyball with a bunch of people, and all I'm wearing is underwear and a sweatshirt. The game ends, and I go across the street to my dorm room. There's a package laying on my bed from Alex's parents. Inside, I find a t-shirt and a Transformer watch that has this big toy gun sticking out of it.

2) I'm in a band that's playing at a festival inside a big train station. My parents are driving me to the station and parking is really confusing. I get out of my parents' car, and go get into another car where Sleater-Kinney is hanging out. We start talking and I mention that I saw them at a festival in Indio, California, which was the same show where Sonic Youth got all their equipment stolen. We keep hanging out in their car, and I have my computer with me, but it starts acting funny. Then I show them my cool Transformers watch that Alex's parents sent me. I wonder if I should start talking to them about Jesus.

Monday, June 06, 2005

1) I'm at a party at an old warehouse and there are a bunch of people there I was acquaintances with in high school and college and Vegas. The music is really loud and everyone's dancing and stuff. Then this girl starts passing around pills and I'm getting a really bad feeling, but they keep pushing them on me, so I put a handfull in my mouth, but I don't swallow them. I walk outside and I start spitting out the pills, and Ellen Degeneres is there and she starts lecturing me on helping the homeless.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

1) I'm testing for promotion, and since there are so many people testing, we have to test at this big high school. Some guys I work with and I take a GOV to the school and I'm playing with this Transformer that all the officers gave me as some kind of congratulations gift. When we get there, we talk to this guy at the entrance that if we don't have a time yet, then we have to walk around to the teacher's lounge to get one, but the teacher's lounge is all the way on the other side of the school. So I start walking there, and for some reason, I take my shirt off and all I'm wearing is a pair of khakis. I keep getting lost and it takes forever to get to the teacher's lounge, and when I finally do, this lady there tells me they've just given out the last testing time for today, and I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm really bummed because it took forever to get there, and I kept getting lost and stuff.

Friday, June 03, 2005

1) I'm riding on the back of a flat-bed trailer going down the highway, and there's this big accident, and somehow I end up developing super powers where I become really bendy. For my super-hero name, I pick "The Contortionist."

2) I'm at a big furniture store and Scarlett Johansson is there. I accidently knock this big glass table over, but it doesn't break. There's a fire place and this criminal guy starts tunneling in through the bottom of the fire place, but when he breaks through, the whole floor starts to collapse. Everyone is running out of the store and Scarlett trips and starts to fall into the hole. I grab a rope and pull her out.

3) I'm on a street corner in a big city and I'm talking to these two girls that work in a deli. Then the National Anthem starts to play over a PA system, so I stop and stand at attention. After it's over, the girls just kinda stare at me for a minute, then we start talking about how a bomb went off at another deli and they're both really suspicious of the government because the only guy that was killed was saying really bad things about George Bush. I leave and walk down the street to a big amusement park. I go in and they have this big display set up that looks like slave quarters on a plantation in the south in the early 1800s.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

1) I'm on a trip to Vegas with my parents and my grandparents. We check into the Las Vegas Hilton. My Dad has reserved a suite, and we get to the room and it's really big. Unfortunately, I have to sleep on the fold-out sofa. It's getting dark outside, so I walk out on the balcony to check out the view of the Strip, and at first I don't see anything because there's a big black-out. Then, slowly, the lights start to come back on.

2) I'm in Vegas and I'm staying at the Luxor with a bunch of friends. Sarah Jessica Parker is there, and we're hanging out. It's around 9 PM and I tell her I want to go back up to my room and shower before we go out to clubs that night. She tells me to meet her for drinks at 10 and gives me her cell phone number, which makes me really happy because she doesn't give her number to just anyone. I get back up to my room and get ready. Then I start to freak out because I can't find my phone and if anyone finds it and sees Sarah's number on there and starts calling her, she's gonna get really mad at me.