Monday, September 18, 2006

1) I’m back at Hill in some kind of military exercise. I leave to go to lunch, and I go to a house in the suburbs. Christina Aguilera is there, and she’s my girlfriend. We eat lunch together and have a nice conversation. We go back to her bedroom and watch TV for a while, and this other random guy shows up and takes his shirt off and lays on the floor. He and Christina have a conversation, and I’m a little jealous of him, mostly because he has six-pack abs. I’m worried that when I leave to go back to work, Christina is going to start making out with him or something.

2) I’m at work, and this doctor comes by and asks me to come to his house with him. I get into his car, and he starts talking to me about his life and his family. We get to his house and go inside. He tells me to make myself at home and to get on the internet if I want. I get online and start looking at I hear this strange moaning sound coming from his basement. I open the door and it’s some kind of big dungeon. I look closer and see an old lady. The doctor guy come in and tells me it’s my Mom, and that she’s much happier down there. I get kinda worried that he’s set a big trap for me, and try to think of a way to get my Mom and myself out of there. He also tells me that my Mom has a daughter that she never told us about, but I find it hard to believe.

3) I somehow sprain my ankle, and when I go to the doctor to have it checked out, they make me have a psych evaluation, just in case. I start going to the psychiatrist, a really attractive female, a lot and we have great conversations about my life and Elliott Smith. When I leave her office, I end up at Garah’s house, and there are lots of people there swimming in the pool. The doctors tell me I’ll always be in Room 34 to see the psychiatrist, and there’s a big board with room numbers on it at Garah’s house, so whenever 34 lights up, I have to go see my psychiatrist.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

1) I'm walking around New York City with Ryan Halligan and Brian Thomas. It's the middle of the day and sunny and warm, and I'm wondering what it must have been like to be there on 9/11. We walk down toward the water and I see the Statue of Liberty. We walk down a bunch of stairs to a wharf, and I'm singing a Radiohead song. Then we turn around and go back up some other stairs, and I'm trying to make it up before the other guys are. I see a bunch of Radiohead song titles written on the stairs with different bands names next to them, and I'm wondering if there's a Radiohead tribute album out there that I don't know about.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

1) I'm on my way over to the desert, and somehow we all get stuck in Vegas. I meet up with some friends, and Jim, Nicole, and Allen take me to this building that has an organic farm inside. When we go inside, it's all top security and stuff, and we have to go way underground to get to the farm since it's the middle of the desert. There are all kinds of people hanging out, and I see some people from my squadron who are wanting to go swimming. I meet Allen's wife and tell her something about Bjork.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

1) I'm home visiting my parents, and we're going to some kind of family gathering. We get there, and everyone is sitting around a hot tub. Everyone tells me to get in, but I don't have a any trunks, so I just get in naked, but I'm feeling really weird since this is my family. So, I'm sitting in the hot tub naked and there's this really attractive girl I've never seen before who's a friend of the family, but she's just graduated high-school, so she's a little young. I get up and start talking to my Aunt Suzie about Al Green. She makes me some scrambled eggs, but they're really dry and powdery. I'm trying to put my clothes back on, but they're wet and keep sticking together. I look back toward the hot tub, and my maternal Grandfather is driving around in a limousine. I look into his eyes, and I can tell he knows he's close to death. The limousine drives away, and I look at my Aunt, and I'm about to cry.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

1) I'm living in an apartment with Ryan, Caleb, and Tanya, and one day I leave to go to the gym. I'm running on the treadmill and there's a guy running next to me, and he keeps looking over to see how fast I'm running, and then setting his just a little faster. Plus, there's a guy working at the gym who is trying to hang a picture on the wall right behind me, and it's making me frustrated, so I get off the treadmill. I decide I've had enough working out and go to take a shower, but I don't have a towel or anything with me, so I go back home. When I get there, I find that Caleb and Tanya have moved out, and rent for Ryan and me is going to be doubled. I'm walking back toward base with Caleb, and he's walking along the top of a bunch of buildings and I'm walking along the sidewalk. He keeps telling me the view on top is great, but there's a bad smell in the air.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

1) I'm in college, but I'm living at home in the house in Morganfield. I have a class project where I'm supposed to bring in a bunch of old family pictures and tell stories about them, but I forget about it until the morning it's due. I'm about to leave for school, and I start to go through an old photo album, but I realise I'm gonna be late, and I'd rather not have the project done than be late for class. I'm also upset with my Mom for drinking all the bottled water in the refrigerator.

2) I'm on some kind of pre-deployment exercise and I'm talking to Reese, who's just told me that she's getting out of the Air Force. I'm asking her a bunch of questions, and I realise I know the guy who signed her paperwork, and I'm about to tell her that, but there's this other guy there who's giving me funny looks, so I pull Reese aside and tell her in private. We start to walk back out, but it looks like everyone else is standing in formation, so we wait for a few minutes, but end up walking outside anyway. Everyone breaks up, and I see Stephanie so I walk over to talk to her. We're getting ready to lunch, so everyone lines up outside the mobile kitchen trailer (MKT). I somehow get lined up on the wrong side of the MKT, but the girl working inside opens the door for me anyway. I ask her if they have a veggie plate, and she gives me one. We have a short conversation, and then she asks if I want anything to drink. I tell her milk is fine, and she gives me a carton of milk, but I don't see it on my tray, so I ask her for it again, and I look down and it's there. I go to sit at a table, but I can't find anyone I know, so I sit with these random girls that I think are in my squadron, but I'm not sure. Eventually, Stephanie comes to sit down, and I feel better.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

1) I'm on a trip to Baltimore with a bunch of people. I meet up with Dan and all of us are walking around downtown. We're at some kind of big mall and we stop for lunch. Afterward, Dan and I are tired and we just want to get back to the hotel room, but we don't know how to ditch everyone without them seeing. We start going through a revolving door into a department store, and everyone else goes in, but we keep going around the door and walk back out.

2) I'm at a soccer game and I see Brenda from "Six Feet Under," and she's drinking a beer. After the game, I'm at work, and we're brainstorming a bunch of advertising ideas. Tom Selleck is there, too. After that, me and a bunch of people I work with are at a bar, but it's still duty hours, so all I drink is root beer. Brenda comes in and sits down. I ask her when she's due, but she tells me she lost her baby. We talk for a long time, and all I want to do is hug her.

Monday, August 14, 2006

1) I'm back in college, and I'm sitting in class and this lady keeps coming in and interrupting the professor. After class, I'm talking with my friend Nikki, and she says the lady was in charge of the formal dance the year before and has a bunch of beer mugs left over. I decide to go and find the lady to see if I can grab some beer mugs. I find this old building where all the mugs are stashed, and I walk by a big mirror. There's a dark mark on my forehead, so I try to wipe it off, but when I do, all this clear gel starts oozing out. I look back in the mirror and there's one big hole in my head where my eyes should be, but I can still see. I'm freaking out and run outside asking for help, but nobody else can see what's wrong with me.

2) I'm driving down the street in a big city and it's nighttime. I'm stopped at a stoplight and this homeless guy walks by my car and asks if he can wash my windows. I tell him no. He walks to another car and washes their windows. When he walks back by my car, he smashes my windshield with a hammer. I don't know what to do because I don't want him to attack me, and the light turns green, so I just drive. I get to work, and tell TSgt Chavez about it, but he doesn't seem to care.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

1) I'm on a beach with Ken and he's really interested in catching a shark. I don't want to, but I go along with it anyway. We find ourselves out in a boat in the middle of the water, and this huge shark keeps swimming by. I'm getting really nervous, but Ken wants it to come closer. It swims closer and just stops. I start walking along the side of it, and Ken gets back in the boat and drives away. I'm wondering if the shark is going to eat me, but he never does. I run my hands along the big fin on his back, and it feels very rough. Ken comes back and gets me and we go back to shore. Ken gives me this thing to put on the tire of my truck that's supposed to attract and detects sharks if they come close. I don't understand how a shark is going to come down the highway, but I put it on anyway.

2) I'm back in high school, and I'm walking to math class. There are two big tables at the end of the hall, and everyone is stopping to sign something. I get closer and see that it's a bunch of Mormon students signing a big roster to get into heaven, and if you don't sign it, then you're not getting in. Everyone in the whole school has stopped, but I walk by. They all give me funny looks. I sit at my desk at class, and I'm wondering if I have time to go back to my locker and get my camera. So I get up and run down the hall to my locker. When I go back past the tables, one of the guys running the table tries to stop me and ask why I didn't sign the roster. I ask him if I can take their pictures, and he says it shouldn't be a problem. I grab my camera, and on the way back to the tables, I tell him that I have no problem with his beliefs, but I think it's bad to bring them into school and try to force them on people. He's nice about it, but he keeps looking at me funny. We get back to the table and everyone poses for pictures. The main thing I want to get pictures of is the big rosters that everyone has signed. One girl holds them up very proudly. I go back to my class, but it's already started, and I don't want to walk in late, so I start wandering around the school until the next period.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

1) I call my cousin, Keri, and tell her that we should get married, but only for convenience and the tax breaks. She agrees. I go over to her parents' house and up to her room. She's studying. She's got a poster of Duran Duran on the wall, and I realise that I'm in some kind of time warp and it's 1985 or something. I start to ask her about Eric, her husband, but then I remember that she's not already married and she hasn't even met him yet. She starts asking me what I think about her various art projects in cases all over her room. Also, there's a big aquarium with some kind of strange fish in it, but it looks more like that big creature, Falkor, that Atreyu flew in The Neverending Story. I take my time looking around her room, but slowly try to sneak out and hope that she forgot that I asked her to marry me.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

1) I'm sitting in a really dark bar with two girls from Readiness, Sharron (one of the managers at Roosters), Kyle, and a couple other people. The bar is in some big city, but I don't know where. Occassionally, the bartender will come by and give us some kind of ridiculous mission to accomplish, so we all get up and do it. The missions are really weird and don't really do anything. One of them is just to drive down this narrow alley really fast without getting hit by these giant fireballs that fly by.

2) I'm at some kind of military camp. The only people I know are Jerm, Caleb, and Tanya, but there are lots of people from Hill. One of the things we have to do is run five miles in our desert boots, and I'm kinda worried I won't do it fast enough. At one point during the run, people start sliding down a big hill, but I'm worried that if I do it, I'll get disqualified. I go into a class and Randy, one of the civilians I work with, is there. We all start teasing him because at the end of the week, we'll have to wear our blues and he'll have to shave his beard. When everything is over, we're all waiting to take a shower, and a bunch of us are sitting outside. This other girl refers to Tanya as "Wednesday," and I start wondering that maybe Tanya isn't her real name.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

1) I'm at my shop getting ready to deploy. My old supervisor is there, and he's making me really nervous. A bunch of people are standing around talking, and this girl comes in asking if we can help her hoist the sail on her sailboat that's in the parking lot. Some of the guys go out to help, but I have to leave because I'm getting ready to deploy. I go out to my truck, and get in. I start driving, but I stop by this outdoor pharmacy because I want to get a refill on my Claritin before I deploy. The pharmacist is behind this big wooden table with a bunch of chains on it. She looks at my suspiciously and asks a bunch of questions, but ends up giving me my pills anyway. When she does, she puts the bottle on the end of one of the chains and tosses it to me. I get to the desert, and I'm on a convoy to a remote camp. When I get there, I'm talking to all these local Arab people, and they're being nice to me, but they're talking about how much they want to kill Americans. They start hurling all these rubies and emeralds and other jewels at the American camp with slingshots. They ask if I want to, and I decline. At the end of the day, it's time for me to go back to the main camp, but the vehicle I was driving has a flat tire, so they replace it with a tire from a 10-speed bicycle. I start driving, and the 10-speed bicycle tire buckles under the weight, and I go back to camp to see if they have something else for it. This guy from my squadron is there in another vehicle, but he tells me I'm stuck there because I can't go back to the main camp withouth the vehicle I left in.

Monday, July 31, 2006

1) I'm TDY somewhere, and I'm living in a really small dorm with a bunch of people. We're on some top secret mission, and we only work at night. TSgt Van Well is there, and he asks me to take care of some paperwork, but I keep forgetting, and every time I see him, he reminds me about it. The bathroom is right down the hall from where we're working, but to get there, you have to go through this super-narrow hallway, and I have to walk sideways. Some key or something comes up missing, and everyone thinks I'm the one who lost it, but I'm not.

1) I'm in some kind of amusement park that's themed after Woody Allen films. I'm with a big group of people, and I'm having a lot of fun. We start out on a ride that looks like a trolley ride through scenes of Woody's movies. But the trolley isn't on regular rails and it starts going sideways and up walls and upside down. Then, we go on one ride where you get tossed into a cupboard, and when you come out the other side, you're inside one of Woody's movies. I'm getting ready to go through, and I'm hoping it will be the one with Christina Ricci. I go through the other side, and suddenly a bunch of people are carrying me around like I'm some kind of national hero. They refuse to let my feet touch the ground, even when I ask them to. They just carry me wherever I want to go. I'm being carried through a ballpark during a game, and when I get to the end of the bleachers, I finally start walking on the ground. I go into a stairwell, and suddenly everyone is floating around like balloons, except me. I see Nick and we start talking about the Panic! At The Disco concert. I get to the top of the stairs, and I'm in a big mall. I see a Target on one side, and I'm hoping to find a big toy store somewhere. I start running down the mall, but I can't run very fast. There are a few other people there, and they keep getting in my way. I keep thinking that if I can just make it a little further, I'll make it to the toy store. --And then my damn alarm goes off!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

1) I'm on some kind of cross-country bus ride with a bunch of other military people. We stay in a hotel, and the next morning, we stop at some local diner for breakfast. I'm the first one in, and I tell the hostess/waitress that there's about forty of us. She rolls her eyes, and I feel really bad. I see Mike walk in behind me and sit at a table.

Friday, July 28, 2006

1) I'm deploying, and my whole squadron is on our way to the desert. We're staying overnight in some kind of hostel, and we all have to sleep on these big bleachers in a big gymnasium. Across the road, there's a huge grocery store, and the Commander tells us to grab some food from there, since we might be stuck in the hostel for a while. A few of us go into the grocery store, and I'm looking around, but I can't really decide on what to get. I finally give up and go back to the hostel, but when I get there, everyone is already asleep, and I have to crawl over a bunch of people to get to where I'm sleeping. I'm trying to be quiet, but every time I take a step, the bleachers creek and moan. I finally get to where I'm sleeping and when I lay down, music starts coming out of my pillow, and I'm trying to find a volume button to turn it down, but I can't, so I just try to muffle it, but it doesn't seem to be working very well.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

1) I'm driving a big tractor trailer across the country, and I find myself in Seattle. I call up Paul and Trish, and we hang out and talk a lot about snowboarding. I leave Seattle at night, and it's raining. I'm really nervous because I can't see well, and I'm worried I'm gonna cause an accident. But I don't want to stop because I'm trying to get to some kind of big party somewhere.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

1) I'm going to an outdoor festival with Ryan and a bunch of people I don't know, mostly girls. We're walking around outside, and it starts sprinkling. I don't think it's any big deal, but a everyone else is freaking out. A bunch of animals get loose, and it's total chaos. I sit down on a chair and watch everyone panic. Eventually, everything slows down, and I find Ryan. He and I go back to our apartment and sit on the couch and have a conversation about the day.

Monday, July 10, 2006

1) I'm at work and I'm waiting for Mike to finish some paperwork so I can finish the paperwork I have to do. I walk around, and I come into a room I've never seen before. It's a big glass enclosure, and Abby is inside painting a big mural. I knock on the glass, and she comes to the door and we hug and talk. I'm excited because I want her to meet the guys I work with. Mike comes in with my paperwork, so I go and do what I have to do. When I come back, I can't find the glass room or Abby.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

1) I'm visiting my parents at the house in Morganfield. My parents are at work, and I'm sitting in the living room watching an episode of Roseanne. Suddenly, I'm inside the episode, and Roseanne and her sister and talking about getting a new house with a hot tub. They turn a knob and their living room fills up with water. Then I'm back in my living room, and the doorbell rings. I don't want to answer it because I think it might be a soliciter, but I do anyway. It's the lady who delivers the newspaper, and she gives me some money and tells me it's because my parents support the community. I say, "thanks," close the door, and go set the money on the counter. I go back to my bedroom and start getting stuff out of my closet that I want to take back home with me.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

1) I'm living in a loft and my Mom's side of the family is all coming to visit. I'm waiting outside for everyone to get there, and, one-by-one, the Spice Girls start showing up with their husbands. Victoria is there with David Beckham, and I'm all tongue tied. Baby Spice is married to a guy who's eight feet tall, and when I talk to him, I feel like I have to shout so he can hear me. I try to pat him on the shoulder, but it end up being the back of his thigh. The only one that doesn't show up is Sporty Spice, and I'm guessing it's because she's a lesbian and doesn't want to feel awkward around everyone. Finally, my Mom's family arrives, and there are tons of kids, too. One of them is driving a miniature truck, but he can't get it up the stairs, so I ask if he can leave it at the bottom. I go inside, and I see my Mom hugging Pat, her oldest sister, and I get a little choked up because I know they haven't seen each other in a long time.

Friday, July 07, 2006

1) I'm walking through this huge ballroom with Winona Ryder and there's all kinds of old furniture all over the place laid out like a big maze. The ceilings are, like, 50 feet high, and there's this red duct work going all over the top. Suddenly, Keanu Reeves comes in and grabs both of us and we all start running. We jump really high and land on top of the duct work. Keanu tells us we have to move fast because at any moment, the room could turn upside down. We're running along the duct work, and make it to the door leading outside. I'm wondering what will happen outside, especially if the room might turn upside down.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

1) I'm at the house in Morganfield, and I'm laying on my parents' bed. My brother comes in and tells me everyone is going to go eat at Olive Garden, and if I want to go, I need to get up and take a shower. I tell him I'll go, but I want to sleep for five more minutes. He wakes me up again, and he's dressed in a suit. I try to get up, but I think my contacts are messed up because everything is really blurry. Then I think that maybe my contacts aren't in at all, and I put on my glasses, but that just makes it worse. I stumble into the living room, but I can't tell who anyone is.

Friday, June 30, 2006

1) I'm at a NASCAR race with a bunch of people including my Dad, my aunt, and Jack, this guy I went to high school with, his wife, and about three or four other people. I bring my computer along because I think they have wi-fi at the track, but after we sit down, I open up my computer and I can't get a signal. After the race, we're all eating dinner, and I'm having a nice conversation with Jack's wife. After dinner, I go sit on the couch, and she comes and sits on my lap. I'm kinda uncomfortable, but Jack doesn't seem to mind. I'm telling her about how we go to Rooster's a lot, and one of the bartenders there just got her boobs enlarged. Jack leaves, but his wife stays on my lap and no one seems to mind. She starts telling me how she prefers the word "titties," and I tell her how much I hate that word, and that there's no real good substitute for "breasts" without sounding like you're in high school.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

1) Ken and I are going to see a band called Panic! At The Disco at an outdoor venue. We get there, and there's a maze of fences we have to walk around, but some people just got to walk through because they paid a lot more for their ticket. We finally get to the stage, and we're right up front. The band comes out and the singer is high and sweating really hard, and I think he's getting ready to pass out. I say to Ken, "This man has to be gotten to a hospital!" And Ken says, "A hospital? What is it?" Like we're quoting from the movie Airplane. But I don't think it's funny because I think the singer guy is really sick. So I go get the security guard and he tells me it's not his problem, but he'll call a car to take me to the hospital so I can bring back a doctor. The car gets there, and it's being driven by Frankenstein, so I get in and he drives me to this old mansion. I'm kinda worried about my own life, but Frankenstein is being really nice. When we go inside the mansion, I meet all these other monsters, and they're all very nice. I'm trying to find out if any of them is a doctor so I can get them to help the singer guy at the concert, but they just want to play games.

2) I'm in Morganfield with Stephanie, this girl in my squadron. We're at my Church, and decide to go to the grocery store. After walking around there, we find some nice people back at Church who invite us to dinner. We go, but they have to stop by the bank first. It's getting dark outside, and I'm surprised the bank is open on Sunday. Stephanie and I start talking about how we're not looking forward to the exercise coming up next month.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

1) I'm getting ready to graduate from basic training. We're all in this big room and the training instructors are getting ready to hand us our diplomas, but they won't give them to us until we finish cleaning our dorm. I get really upset and consider sneaking out and getting on the bus.

2) I'm babysitting two kids for a day, and I decide to take them into town for ice cream. We're in a little cafe and I'm ordering ice cream for the kids and coffee for myself. This guy comes in and start harassing the girl behind the counter. She's trying to be polite, and I ask the guy to back off. He pulls a gun and shoots the girl in the head. I grab the kids and jump behind a booth. I'm hoping the kids didn't see anything, but I'm sure they did. I'm worried they'll be traumatised for life, and that their Mom will never let me babysit for them again.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

1) I'm at home with my family, and it's Mother's Day. We're at Church, and when we walk in, it's super crowded. We find a place to sit right next to the Gamblins. Pat shows us what Garah got her for Mother's Day. It's a big pretzel, and Pat thinks it's the greatest Mother's Day present ever. I suddenly realise I forgot to get my Mom anything, and I'm wondering if there will be anything open in town so I can grab something right after Church without anyone realising I forgot. A girl in the front clicks these two rocks together, and all the children go up front for children's time. I'm the only one left in my pew.

2) I'm living in my grandparents house, and Samuel L. Jackson comes over. He's acting just like his character in Pulp Fiction. I'm trying to be really nice to him because I don't know if he has a gun or wants to kill me. He stays for a long time, so I'm thinking he doesn't want to kill me. He asks if he can take a shower, so I show him to the bathroom. He comes back out, and I'm feeling a little more comfortable with him, so I ask if he will stop using the Lord's name in vain, because it really bothers me. I also tell him the rest of his language is pretty disgusting, too, but I can handle that as long as he stops saying G.D. He laughs and says he'll try.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

1) I'm walking around a really nice neighbourhood early on a Sunday morning with a girl who is apparently good friend of mine. I'm supposed to hang out with my Aunt Karen that night, but the girl I'm with is kind of upset, and I think she wants me to ditch my Aunt so I'll hang out with her. But I don't see my Aunt very often and I don't want to ditch her. I consider inviting the girl to hang out with my Aunt and I, but decide that would be a bad idea, and end up walking around with the girl for a while. We walk through the neighbourhood, and end up at a dormitory where a bunch of people from my squadron live. We're walking through the dorm and a bunch of the people who live there are still partying from the night before. I try to find this girl from readiness so she can sign off on some paperwork of mine in order for me to deploy. But every time I go into a room, I see her walking out a door on the opposite side and the people there tell me I just missed her. I try to run faster to catch up with her, but my legs won't move fast enough.

2) I'm at Church, and when I walk in, some of the pews have been replaced by beds, so I lie down in one of the beds. There's a book of photography on the bed, as well. The preacher starts giving the sermon, and I'm looking through the photography book. Some of the photographs are nudes, and when I flip past one of them, an old lady behind me gasps. I'm embarrassed, but I don't know what to do because that book is obviously what the preacher wants me to be reading. I get off the bed and walk out the side door, which leads directly into the parsonage. I'm watching the rest of the service on a television, and the preacher is taking off all his clothes and talking about how we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies because that's how God made us. After the service, the preacher comes in and tells me he's been fired. I feel really bad for him, but he's not upset because he says he's found a bunch of old Biblical artifacts, and he's going on some mysterious archeological mission (a la The Divinci Code). I see this strange artifact in a glass case in his living room. It's a big triangle-shaped rock, and it's floating around. I turn around to talk to him, and when I turn back around, the big rock is gone. Suddenly, there's a big earthquake.

Monday, June 19, 2006

1) I'm in some kind of dormitory, and there are lots of people I know that live there. I'm just walking around from room to room saying hi to everyone. I go outside and there are some little dune buggies there, and we all start riding around. The one I have is smaller than the others, but it turns better and jumps higher. I go back into the dorm and into the room of my friend Anthony. There are a bunch of different coloured vacuum cleaners there, and I start using one of them. Anthony leaves and comes back in with a girl. They get on his bed and start having sex. I leave the room and see my Mom in the hallway. Anthony comes out and starts talking about the girl he just had sex with, but I'm all embarrassed because my Mom is right there.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

1) I'm at my shop, and it's dark outside because some of us are working late. We're cleaning up the shop and getting ready to go home. One of the guys waxed the floor, and it's really slippery in spots. We start running and sliding everywhere. I see that there are these hugs rooms in my shop that aren't really there. The floor is so slippery in there, that some guys start playing hockey with a couple brooms. I go outside to empty the trash, and when I come back inside, the fire alarm goes off. I run to the panel and it takes a long time to find the right key to open it. I finally open the panel and shut off the alarm. One of the guys there asks when I'm going to throw a party for my supervisor.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

1) I'm walking around in this huge, vintage bookstore, and some girls start talking to me. They're really attractive, so I start to get kinda flirty. They ask if I want to run a race with them, so we go outside, and there's all these people around waiting at the starting line. We run the race, and then go back to the bookstore, but when we get there, I look down and realise I don't have any pants on. I go around the bookstore looking for my pants, but all I find is this big chandelier, and I'm looking around for a place to hang it.

Friday, June 16, 2006

1) I'm at some kind of camp with a bunch of guys from work. It's late at night, and we're all walking around the campground. We go into a cabin and we hear water running, so we go into the basement and a pipe has busted. So we start working on it, and Mike and Brian are both kinda freaking out, so I tell them to calm down and go grab Ken, because he can keep his cool under pressure.

Monday, June 12, 2006

1) I'm exploring a huge cave. It's really dark, and I stop for a while, so I light a campfire. When I leave, I make sure the fire is out, but when I get back to the cave entrance, I can see the fire still burning in the distance. I don't want to walk all the way back to put out the fire, so I open up this video screen I see, and I start clicking on all these buckets of water. Putting out the fire is like a big video game. As soon as the fire is out, my phone rings and it's Jerry Howard. He's getting ready to leave for China and he wants to hang out for a bit, so I tell him to come pick me up.

Friday, June 09, 2006

1) I'm deployed to the desert, and Mark Wahlberg is there. He's brought along a little hamster, and he spends all his free time caring for it and playing with it. We're in our tent and he comes in frantically looking for it. We search the tent high and low, but can't find the hamster. He gets really upset and starts to cry, and everyone else is laughing at him. I feel so bad for him because it seems like he's lost his best friend, even if it is a hamster. And then I think, "Wow! Mark Wahlberg is really famous and handsome, and he's this upset over a hamster?" But I still give him a hug and tell him it will be okay.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

1) I'm living back in Morganfield, and my Mom has just had another baby. Everyone is really careful and quiet because nobody wants to wake her (the baby).

2) I'm on a base there's a new guy in my squadron who's actually an IMer who's driving pallets of water around the squadron on a forklift. The forklift tips over and he gets burried. We dig him out and he's not breathing, so I'm totally freaking out and call 911, but I'm so hysterical, I screw it up somehow and have to dial it again. It takes the paramedics forever to get there, but they do CPR or something and he starts breathing again.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

1) I'm walking through a mall, and I go into this store. They have a display set-up that looks exactly like my Dad's bedroom. I think it's great because it reminds me that I need to get Dad something for Father's Day, and now I can see what to buy him that will go good with what he already has. I leave the store, and as I walk into another store, I see a lady that I know, but I can't remember her name. She's with her family, and as she walks by, I say, "Hello, Jean-Paul."

Thursday, June 01, 2006

1) I'm at my parents' house, and I'm in the bathtub. I can hear a bunch of people talking outside the bathroom. The dog, Rudy, comes in the bathroom, and I start petting him. Then my parents and this other guy come in because the guy is thinking about installing a new bathtub in his house, and he wants to see ours first. But I'm okay because I have a blanket on, too, even though I'm in the water.

2) I'm visiting my family in South Carolina, and we're all hanging out at my aunt Karen's house. We're going to have a big party for my brother, but nobody knows what to buy him. My aunt Patty asks me to go with her to the store to get him something, so I get in the car with her. She ends up driving to this porn store, and we go in and we keep laughing really hard at all the stuff inside. There's a clerk at the store who keeps following us around and she won't leave us alone. She keeps telling us to reach inside this big bucket and pull out a prize, but we're afraid of what might be in there.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

1) I'm at my high school, and it's late at night, but everyone is in class. I'm walking around outside. I'm trying to find a way into the school without getting caught by any teachers. I find the door that goes into the gym, and decide to hang out in the bathroom for a while until the bell rings and I can go to my next class. I see some guys from work, and they tell me that my sideburns are getting too long.

Monday, May 29, 2006

1) I'm at the house in Morganfield and my parents and all of my Mom's sisters are there. We're celebrating Mother's Day. There's also this big, fat, black lady there, and we keep hugging her and telling her how much we love her. Dad is really concerned about electricity use, and makes sure we turn off lights when we're out of the room.

Friday, May 26, 2006

1) I'm riding in a big van down the highway with a bunch of people including Josh and Sarah, Katie, Aaron, and several others. We end up at some building in the middle of nowhere and it looks deserted. Josh and I go inside to look around. The building kinda looks like a small hospital and it has several floors. We keep taking these ladders up higher and higher. We somehow find out that if we stay there too long, we'll eventually turn into vampires. We get to the top floor of the building, and there are all these weird mutated people. When they see us, they start freaking out, but they can't get to us because we're in a sealed room. Josh and I run back down to get into the van with everyone else, but it's gone.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

1) I'm walking through a big mall with several girls, one of whom is Jennifer Anniston. We're at one end, and there's a big gymnasium there with a bunch of people boxing inside. We walk to the other end, and there's another gym with people boxing inside, including my brother. I want to box with my brother, but they don't have any gloves there, so I go to the gym on the other end of the mall to get gloves. I got back to the second gym, but when I get there, I realise they've given me one boxing glove and one rubber glove. So I go back to the first gym to get the right glove. I go back to the second gym again with the right glove, but it isn't laced up right, so I have to re-lace the glove and it's really confusing.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

1) I'm living with a hispanic family on a ranch in the desert. We all drive these really huge pick-up trucks, but mine is the smallest. There are tons of kids all over the place. My chore every day is to load and unload the dishwasher, which is difficult because I don't want to start the dishwasher when anyone is in the shower, and since there are so many people, someone is almost always in the shower. I think we're trying to solve a crime, too.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

1) I'm in a big warehouse or boiler room or something and Abby is there, too. I don't know what we're talking about, but I'm trying to impress her by saying something I know nothing about. We go outside and my Dad and his friends ride up on their motorcycles. We all sit at a picnic table and eat lunch. I see Drew walk up and I apologise to him for not making it down to Vegas for his bachelor party. He says he's on his way to catch a plane, so I walk with him for a while.

Friday, May 19, 2006

1) I'm at some kind of festival, and I'm walking around sampling all the food and stuff. I see John and Heather Armstrong, so I go up to them and ask if they remember me from the Idlewild show. They do, and we start talking and walking around. I'm thinking they don't really want to hang out with me, but they're just humouring me for a few minutes. I but them a couple shots of tequila.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

1) I go home to visit my family, and my Mom is really pampering me and won't let me even get up from the couch. I finally leave and go to church. My friend JoAnn is there, and she's going to sing in a battle of the bands competition. She asks if I'll play piano for her, and I say yes. But she's getting ready to go on stage and I haven't even heard the music yet, so I tell her she needs to get me some sheet music or at least some chord progressions.

Monday, May 15, 2006

1) I'm at some new club with a bunch of people. We're going through the door, and the bouncer is checking our IDs. As we're walking in, I see Jay walking out. I stop him and tell him to hang out with us for a while. We go into the club and find a booth in the corner and sit down. We're ordering drinks, and I'm trying to talk to Jay, but it's really loud. Jay and I get up so we can go somewhere more quiet to talk, but everyone else keeps following us. Regardless, all I can think about is how good it is to see my good friend again.
2) Kyle has moved into this new apartment that's in a really old building, and you have to walk through all these mechanical rooms to get to it, but once you do, it's a really nice apartment. He's having a big party one night, and we're all hanging out and drinking, and I get drunk really quick. I start to think that maybe I've been drugged, and I see Ryan Heath. I'm talking to him, and we walk outside. He tells me he needs to go, but to stop by his dorm room later on. I start walking back to the party, but I'm all disoriented and I'm having trouble walking. As I'm going back into Kyle's building, there are all these homeless people taking shelter in the mechanical rooms, and I keep running into them. I tell them I'm sorry, but they just grunt at me. I finally make it back to the party, but there are only a few people left. They're all talking about starting some kind of political revolution.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

1) I'm going through some kind of Army special ops training, and Nick Lagunas is there, too. This hardcore army general guy says our final assignment is to break into a top secret area and destroy an F-117. So we're driving onto a base and we blow through the gate. Then we decide to ram a big truck into the 117. Just as we do, a bunch of alarms go off and we start running.

2) I'm hanging out with my Mom and her sisters, and they all have these huge dogs they insist on bringing everywhere. So when we go out to dinner, we have to take five cars because the dogs take up so much room. We go to a Japanese restaurant, and I get some really disgusting looking squid-like thing, and no one else will try it, not even the Japanese or the dogs.

Friday, May 05, 2006

1) I'm back in college, but I'm home visiting my parents. While I'm there, I get sick so I'm sleeping on the couch and burning this huge candle. Then I go to Jerry Howard's apartment and Brad Mills is there. He wants to have sex with his fiance, but is too busy so he asks if I will instead. Afterward, we're laying there waiting for Brad to get back and talking and she's really tired so I leave and go back to campus. There's some guy there taking pictures and I try to avoid him and go into the Dairy Queen and flirt with the girl behind the counter. I go back to the dorm, but someone has pulled the fire alarm, so I hang out in the parking lot with Nikki Meyers and Jerry's old girlfriend, Tracey.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

1) It's late at night, and I'm driving a forklift across the flightline. I'm really cold, and I don't know where my jacket it. I stop the forklift behind a big building and huddle next to the engine to get warm. I start driving again, and somehow end up at Nate and Natsuko's house. I feel bad about waking them up in the middle of the night, but I ring the doorbell anyway. I ask if I can sleep there for a while, and they let me in. They give me a blanket and tell me to sleep on the extra bed in Jake's room. I'm trying to be really quiet and not wake Jake.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

1) I'm back in high school in English class. The teacher has given an assignment to write a report on a random word of her choice, and the word is different for each student. One girl's word was "Utah" and she gave this big speech. Another girl's word was "reality." I'm freaking out because I don't know when I'm supposed to give my report and I don't know what my word is. Plus, I'm really worried about my popularity, so i'm trying really hard to be funny and outgoing.

2) I'm on a short vacation with my parents and we're staying in a hotel and trying to decide on which amusement park to go to.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

1) I'm at some kind of retreat with a bunch of Readiness people, and the retreat is at my Grandparents' house. My Grandmother has cooked tons of food for us, but everyone is really excited about playing games, that not much of the food is eaten. I feel bad, so I start gorging myself on all this food on the table.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

1) I'm shopping at some really expensive designer store somewhere, and when I pick up a pair of shoes, the sales lady is really mean to me.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

1) I'm at the Hospitality House and we're all getting ready to go to a movie, but nobody can decide on which movie to see. Everyone is playing video games and I get really frustrated and leave.

2) I'm sponsoring a new troop and I pick her up late at night from the airport, and the first thing we do is find her an apartment. We find one that's owned by this really old couple and it's kind of in their basement, but it includes a car, so she moves in, but the old couple keeps coming around all the time and they're really annoying.

3) I'm in some kind of support group with about 80 people and Roseanne Barr is leading it. Liam Neeson is there and confesses that he used to be gay, but not anymore. Since it's my first time there, Roseanna asks me to pray at the end.

4) I'm going to some kind of musical and I'm going to my seat which ends up being on the stage. This girl is there with a small TV watching Aretha Franklin videos. The musical starts and it's in this huge auditorium and it's packed. All of the sudden, I realise I'm in the musical, so I get up and sit in the audience. The Backstreet Boys show up and sing a song. Then I get back on stage and start singing and dancing. Then some mascot that looks like a purple dinosaur shows up and half the audience runs over to get pictures of it. I get upset and leave.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

1) It's Halloween and I'm going around to different parties and watching scary movies. I end up at Kelley Alvey's house and I'm trying to figure out a program on her computer. Paul Dinkins and my Aunt Karen are there, too, and I tell them I'm getting ready to leave for Iraq.

2) I'm in Iraq and I'm doing maintenance on latrine trailers with Matt Damon. We're working and we have the trailer closed down, but some guy comes in anyway, and we start yelling at him.

3) I'm at home and my parents and brother come in and my brother has bought porn for the whole family as gifts. Mine is two movies and two dirty novels.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

1) I'm back in Morganfield hanging out with my family and a bunch of people I grew up with. For some reason, I tell my friends that my Mom is cousins with Lynn Lovern's Mom, which is totally not true. Nobody believes me, so I get my Mom and we take a walk through the woods. I ask her if it's true, and she says it's not, so I ask her if she'll tell everyone it is. Then my Dad and this other guy and I are walking through the woods looking for different trails.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

1) I'm going to get ice cream with Naomi Watts, and we somehow end up on this deserted island. King Kong is there, but it's a girl and she seems really ill. We try to take care of her, but it's like she doesn't want out help. We travel around the island looking for someone else who might know something, but we can't find anyone.

Monday, April 10, 2006

1) I'm at a huge concert hall and it's really crowded. I have a great seat toward the front. There is an entire ensemble on stage with a piano in the center. The audience is kind of restless. A guy comes out and starts playing, and as soon as he hits the first note, the crowd goes silent. He starts playing the greatest song I've ever heard. Suddenly, I realise I'm the guy playing the piano, and it's like I'm on stage playing and in the crowd listening at the same time. The song builds and builds and the whole ensemble joins in. I'm playing stronger than I've ever played before and I'm pounding on the keys as hard as I can. When the song ends, the entire place goes into an uproar. I'm trying to walk out of the audience and off the stage at the same time, but there are so many people, I can't move.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

1) I'm going to the theatre with Garah. It's really crowded and we sit down. There are ladies going around getting drink orders, but Garah wants to go to the concession stand. I try to give her some money, but she refuses. She gets back and my phone rings. I get called in to work. I leave the theatre, and when I get to work, Stephanie Walker is there. She tells me she needs my help at an old boat house. I walk to the boat house, and Dad and Chris are there. We all get in this boat, and start heading out on a big lake. We get to another dock, and Ken and Monica Larmon are there. They're just leaving. Ken says he tried to fix it, but he can't.

Friday, March 31, 2006

1) I'm in the World Trade Center witha bunch of people. The planes have already hit, and we all know the towers are going to collapse. Everyone is running around trying to decide what to do. I start to try running down the stairs, but this girl stops me and tells me to get in the elevator. We won't be able to take it to the bottom, but we'll be safe in there until they can dig us out. I get in and everyone just waits. A few minutes later, we all start falling, but everyone is okay when we land. The firemen dig us out, and there are all kinds of reporters all over the place asking us questions, but I don't want to talk to anyone.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

1) I'm sitting in a movie theatre and watching previews before the movie comes on. There are quite a few people there. The sound on the movie goes out, so I stand up and walk into a door on the side of the theatre which leads to an office. I pick up the phone and I'm going to try to call the projection room to tell them there's no sound. I can't find the number, but I hear everyone in the theatre running around. I go out and everyone's rushing toward the doors. I ask a lady what's going on, and she says there's a tornado coming. I go to the door and open it and the tornado is right there. I close the door and tell the lady to get under the chairs.

Monday, March 27, 2006

1) I go into PT, and the people there are all people I know, but, for some reason, I feel like I'm there on the wrong day. I just stand there up against the wall and wait for them to say something to me. Stephanie is doing push-ups, and she finally stands up and just stares at me.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

1) I'm hanging with Kyle at his new apartment, and my commander and his wife are there. Kyle is trying to get a job with my commander. I tell Kyle I like his new apartment much better than his old one. I try to make small talk with my commander, but Kyle keeps hitting on his wife, and it's making me really uncomfortable.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

1) I'm home visiting family, and my family and Garah's family are all going out to brunch together. We go to a restaurant, and as we're waiting in the lobby, I notice that my Mom has gotten really fat. We're walking to our table and I think I see Sue Shouse, a lady who went to my Church when I was growing up. I go ahead and sit down anyway. We're looking at the menu, and I look over and see Donna Jo Mason, and her daughters, Laura and Camille, sitting with Sue. I tell my Dad what to order for me, and go over and talk to them. Donna Jo refers to Laura as "Cavanar," but I think that maybe she got married to a guy who's last name is "Cavanaugh," but that's just the way she pronounces it in her Kentucky accent. Laura tells me she's engaged, and shows me her ring. I start talking to Camille, and I want to ask about her kids, but the only one I can remember is Tyler, even though I know she has three. And I can't remember her married name, either.

Monday, February 20, 2006

1) I'm hanging out with Lindsay Lohan a lot, and I kinda want to date her, but I don't know how she feels about it. We're visiting Shaun Chauta in Italy, and she's upset because she wants to attend a certain school somewhere in Australia, but there's no gymnastics program there. I'm giving her a hug and I want to kiss her, but I don't. Then she loses her cell phone. We look all over Shaun's house, but we can't find it. We got to the store to buy a new one, and Lindsay is still upset.

2) I'm at the house in Morganfield with a bunch of friends. We order pizza, but I walk to go get it. I get back and we eat it all and fall asleep. I wake up the next morning and there are all these weird people in black capes walking around outside. We're all freaked out, but we decide to go into the garage and grab shovels and baseball bats to scare them off. We walk into the living room and Mom and Dad and their friends are in there. I ask if the weird people are all still outside, and Mom says no. I figure they were just trying to be creepy because it's Halloween. I go back into my room and reach into my pocket. I pull out four different cell phones, but none of them are mine. I look all over for my cell phone, but I can't find it. My friend Nick tells me to fill out a form at the hospital, and they'll give me money for a new one.

Friday, February 17, 2006

1) I'm out partying with Chris, Jerry, and a bunch of Jerry's friends. We're walking around a hotel and I go into a room where a bunch of guys are drinking beer. I chat with them for a bit, and then Catherine Keener comes in. She makes me lick her shoes. We stay out really late, and Chris and I take Catherine home and find that we only have a few minutes to get to Church. I skip showering and just wet down my hair. We all go to Church, and everyone is staring at us. We're talking to a few people who have this book on diseases you can get from being bitten by different kinds of moths. I start thinking about wrestling around with this giant moth with huge teeth.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

1) I'm at a big party with Abby and her family and there's tons of other people there, too. George Bush is there, and he goes to the front of the room and announces that John Edwards will be the new President of the United States. John Edwards steps out and I start cheering, but nobody else is very happy about it. Caleb Moore is there, and he runs up to get John's autograph. Music starts playing, and we all start dancing. I end up in my underwear. I go back to the table where I was sitting, and John comes over and starts playing cards with me.

Friday, February 10, 2006

1) The planet has been taken over by dinosaurs, and there are only a few humans left. Alex and I are living in some kind of compound with about ten other people. It's really difficult and strict, and we're always being instructed on how to deal with going outside the compound and what to do if you encounter a dinosaur. One day, we're outside the compound, and this guy drives up in a pick-up truck, and he's waving a gun around. I try to take the gun away, but he starts shooting it at me. I hide beneath the truck, and then jump up and take the gun away. I'm trying to salvage as many bullets as possible so we can fight the dinosaurs if necessary. Alex gets upset and leaves the compound to try to find his parents. One guy's stuff turns up missing, and everyone blames Alex, but I tell them Alex would never do anything like that.

2) I'm nominated for an Oscar, and I'm going to be escorting Scarlett Johansson to the ceremony. I'm staying in a fancy hotel in LA, and I see Lindsay Lohan, who's also nominated. We start talking and I'm excited because Scarlett is my date, but I get the impression Lindsay doesn't like Scarlett. Lindsay has just gotten her hair done, and we get on the elevator together so she can go to her room and put her dress on. I tell her I've never been around so many famous people before and she acts like it's no big deal.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

1) I'm going to McDonald's in a Honda CR-V, and I get there and it's really crowded. I just want a hamburger, and I wait in line for a very long time. I finally get to the front and they get me my food, and my order is wrong, so I have to wait in line again to try to get the right food. I end up spending most of the day waiting in line at McDonald's. When I finally leave, my food is cold and it's dark outside. I'm driving back into a really big city, and Caleb Wendt is with me, and we start talking about the truck I'm driving.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

1) I'm hanging out with some of our friends in Evansville, and we're all getting ready to go hiking to the top of this big mountain. I'm the youngest, and they keep asking me if I'm sure I can handle it, and I tell them that if I can handle Mt. Fuji, then I can handle this one. It's the night before we're supposed to climb and a bunch of people have gone out drinking, but I stayed behind to hang out with friends and watch movies. I start thinking about places to stay once we get to the top of the mountain.