Wednesday, August 31, 2005

1) I'm hanging out with my family, and my friend Kyle and I decide we want tattoos. We're all walking around and we see a bunch of tattoo parlors. We go in and make appointments for later that evening, much to the chagrin of my mother. The design I give the artist is of a big metal bus and I want it on my right shoulder. We walk around some more, and go back later for our appointments. The artist is running behind schedule and I get frustrated and leave.

2) I'm stripping at a bar, and I'm walking down this big runway, shedding clothes as I walk. I'm down to my underwear and everyone's cheering me on, so I decide to go ahead and rip my underwear off, too. I get to the end of the runway and the song ends, so I walk to the bar and order a drink. All these people are around me and laughing and telling me I did a great job, so I'm thinking at least one of them will buy me a drink, but nobody offers to pay. Since I obviously don't have my wallet on me (I'm still naked), I tell the bartender I have to go back to where my clothes are to get it. I walk back to the locker room, and get dressed. When I get back to the bar, the cops are there, and they've stopped all alcohol sales, so everyone is leaving. When I walk outside, it's really cold and rainy and there are patches of ice. The sun is starting to come up. I'm walking behind this really attractive black girl and we start to make small talk. She says goodbye and starts to walk into a building. I slip and fall on purpose hoping she'll stop and talk to me more, but when I fall, I really hurt myself. I'm bleeding from my head. The girl keeps walking, but this other guy stops. He says he's too poor to help me, but he calls these other people who are members of some cult. They're way too happy in a creepy way. They load me in the back of their minivan and start talking about how this one guy that went to their church killed someone because he was told to, but he should have known which orders to obey and which ones to ignore.

3) I'm staying with Melissa, and we decide we want to go downtown. I get in the shower, and she gets in with me. We get cleaned up, and start walking downtown. It's kinda dark, but the moon is really bright. Of in the distance, we see this guy standing in a field. We walk closer and see it's Mikey Kiel. We start calling out to him, but he doesn't hear us.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

1) I'm at my old church in Morganfield, and there are several people there. We're all laying around in the foyer and socialising. I'm waiting for Trish to come and get me. We're supposed to get beer and then go to a big party. I'm worried that she won't be able to find a parking spot, but a few people leave, and Trish comes in right afterward. I go out to meet her, and we head to the convenience store to get beer. We go inside, and there's a lady there who's freaking out over the garbage can because of some law suit that was filed against an innocent woman.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

1) I'm in the desert and I'm hanging out with Mikey and Adam. We have some kind of mandatory PT every day at 5:30 PM where we have to walk around this big track. One day I leave my tent and go over to Mikey and Adam's tent, but we can't find Adam anywhere. So we go to the tent where all the computers are, but he's not there, either. We somehow end up at a taping of Saturday Night Live. I don't recognise the guest host, but apparently, she was in some kind of foreign war film. The opening monologue turns into some big circus performance, and it's really lame. After it's over, I'm looking around, and I see Jon and Garah, but I don't know what they're doing there.

Friday, August 26, 2005

1) I'm starting a new job at some kind of retail store, but the store is on a wharf right next to a big lake. We're selling these really cool alt-like clothes that are, in fact, way too cool for a guy like me to be selling, and I'm kinda worried they're going to fire me because I'm just not cool enough to work there. The only time I feel cool is when we're all comparing tattoos. One day, after we close, the other employees and I are out walking along the dock, and this big boat comes along, so we all get on board. The deck of the boat is really low and close to the water, and sometimes, when a wave comes along, we all get really wet. Then we see some kind of big monser or dragon in the water, and we start to panic. Then we realise it's just the tattoo from one of the other workers.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

1) I'm housesitting for somebody in this really nice condominium. It's really late, and someone knocks at the door. I open it up and there is Shaun Chauta and all these people I don't know. They all come in and start having this big party. The music is getting kinda loud, and I'm worried that the neighbours will complain, and that whomever I'm housesitting for will get really angry with me. Eventually, everyone falls asleep, and I'm laying on the living room floor. I keep hearing the bass from the stereo, but when I get up to go turn it down, it's already off, so I don't know where it's coming from.

Monday, August 22, 2005

1) I'm on a plane that crashes, and when I realise what's going on, the whole plane is under water. I manage to find the door and kick it open and swim out. I surface to find we're in a lake in the middle of a small town. The plane is really small and there are only four or five people on board. I swim down and grab everyone and drag them to land. Slowly, people start to come out of their houses to see what's going on. I get on my cell phone and call 911, but it's really difficult to talk to anyone because the reception is so bad. Everyone in the town is a bunch of rednecks and they keep reassuring us that help is on the way, but I have a really bad feeling. The flight attendant and I are tending to this other guy on the plane who was injured pretty bad, and it turns out to be Ben Affleck. I overhear this guy from the town telling another guy that if any of us are Jewish, then they're going to kill us. I start to get worried because I don't know if Ben Affleck is Jewish or not.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

1) Don and I are hanging out and he takes me to this concert festival and tells me to take a bunch of pictures. We're walking around and there are so many people that we can't find each other. I end up hanging out with these really attractive ladies who are in their 40s/50s. They're all upset and unhappy with their marriages and they start telling me all about it. I don't know what to do, so I just stand there and listen. The festival is about over, so all the ladies and I are trying to find our way out, and we end up walking through this big series of tents and security doors. I finally make it to where all the cars are parked, but I can't find Don.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

1) We're getting ready to have a birthday party for Caleb, so I pick him up a present and I drop it off at his girlfriend's house, since that's where the party is going to be. After that, I talk to Josh and Sarah, and they want to put something in the same box as my present, so I take their present back to Caleb's girlfriend's house, and unwrap the present I bought to put the other box inside, but I can't get it to look right when I try to re-wrap it. So I just decide to take the box home with me and re-wrap it there, but I'm really nervous because I'm riding my motorcycle and the box is kinda big, so I'll have to drive with one hand. I go over to Josh and Sarah's house, and we start talking about how we all had small parts in Napoleon Dynamite. Caleb and his girlfriend get there, and we start talking about what we're going to do that night. Caleb's girlfriend wants to invite his ex-girlfriend, but she's not sure if it's a good idea. I tell everyone I don't care what we do or who goes with us, but I really want to do something fun and they'd all better decide what we're doing by the time I get out of the bathtub. I go take a bath and when I get out of the bathroom, no one has made any kind of decision, so I start throwing out suggestions like bowling, miniature golf, and going to the park to toss around the frisbee.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

1) I'm driving in this big city, and Mike and Brian, two guys from work, are following me in another car. I pull into a parking spot, and they pull in next to me. We get out and start talking about a camping trip, then walk down the street to look for a music store.

2) I'm driving through Morganfield, and I see this horrible car accident where a lady is driving a car and it suddenly flies through the air and hit the side of the Methodist Church, knocking a big chunk out of it that falls and almost hits a girl on the sidewalk. I get home and my Mom is cooking this big dinner. This old lady is there and she tells me she's my grandmother. The old lady keeps telling Mom she wants pizza, but Mom won't give her any because she's not able to eat it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

1) I'm at a party at some girl's house with Josh and Sarah, and I don't really know anyone else there. We're having a really great time, and I pull out some marijuana that somehow got into my pocket. We all debate on whether to smoke it. Then, the girl's parents come home and see the pot and they don't really care. I'm talking to her parents and trying to make a good impression on them.

2) I go down to Vegas and my friends Jim and Gene are living in this really huge house along with this other guy Jason. They're giving me a big tour of the house, and the whole time, these really hot girls are walking in and out. I ask Jim if they live there, and he says they just come and go as they please. Gene's wife comes in and starts talking to me and making me feel really awkward. Then Gene comes over and kinda sets me at ease.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

1) I'm working in this factory that's also a front for a bunch of terrorists who are trying to buy a big bomb. To prove their loyalty to the terrorists, all the workers have to have their legs cut off, but I refuse. I tell the head terrorist guy I'm going to expose him, so they put me in this big bag and throw me in the back of a truck.

2) I'm at my cousin's wedding and I have to talk to all these people I don't know. I'm doing my best to keep smiling the whole time, but it's really difficult because some of the people are really weird and annoying. They have this magician guy there who knocks me on the floor and pretends to break my ankle.

Friday, August 12, 2005

1) I'm living in this really poor town and there's a big riot going on. I'm walking around trying to find out why everyone's so upset. I go to work and everyone there is wondering how to keep everything under control, and we decide to work in shifts. We set up all these guard shacks, and I'm sent home to get some sleep. I'm hoping things will settle down before I have to come back that night. While I'm walking home, people start mauling me, and I manage to get on top of a big building. Suddenly, everyone stops screaming and starts walking around like they're really disappointed.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

1) I'm back in college and I'm in a fraternity, but I don't really like it very much. I'm not really good friends with many of the other guys, and I'm debating on getting out. There's a big party on campus one night, and I'm walking around with these two girls and I'm acting like a total idiot. I keep apologising to the girls and telling them I'm feeling "out of sorts." I go back to the fraternity house and I see Jerry Howard, who's getting ready to start school there as well. I give him a big hug and we start talking. I ask him if he's thinking about pledging a fraternity, and tell him that I'm seriously thinking about de-activating.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

1) I'm riding a motorcycle with my Dad and a bunch of his friends. We're basically just going around in a big circle in the middle of Morganfield. Everyone is in a really good mood and laughing and stuff. I leave and go out to the country to help with some kind of big project. When I get there, Allison from the Gap is there, and I'm trying to show off my motorcycle.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

1) Ryan and I are on leave and we're hanging out at our new place. The doorbell rings and I open the door to see MSgt Rogers. He seems kinda angry, and asks why we're not at work. I tell him I'm on leave, and that I left a copy of my leave form on his desk before I left. He acts like he doesn't believe me, but then tells me he's just joking. But he's still upset with Ryan. I leave and go onto base and I see my Mom teaching a bunch of little kids.

Monday, August 08, 2005

1) I'm in a Hallmark store, and I'm looking at these little cutout animal posters, and I'm thinking about shoplifting them, but then this old sales lady comes over and asks if I need any help. We start talking for a bit, and then she leaves. I try to find the posters again, but all the shelves and aisles have moved around.

2) I'm hanging out at this bar and there's this big gang of people there who are all criminals of some type. I'm driving this huge car and it's parked outside, and I'm worried I'm going to get a ticket, but the gang members tell me not to worry about it. Also, all the gang members have their birthdays in different months, because they say it's good luck. One of them is this really tall female, and I start talking to her about what it's like to pull off a bank robbery.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

1) I'm with my squadron and we just finished a deployment. Before we can get back home, we have to stay overnight in this big mall somewhere in the AOR. We're divided into groups, and each group has to sleep in a different store. Plus, we all have a curfew, and we can't leave the store unless we have this card. I want to walk around, but it's getting late, and the guy in my store that has the card won't give it to me, so I wait until they're all asleep, and I grab the card. As I'm leaving the store, this girl stops me and tells me not to go, so I start yelling at her. I leave and walk around, and then come back and apologize to the girl. The next morning, we're getting ready to leave, and I see one of the lieutenants in my squadron driving around in a Volkswagon Beetle and he has it decked out to look like an iPod. After we get on the bus, I start making fun of his car, and then I shut up real quick because he's sitting right in front of me.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

1) I just get back from a deployment and everyone I was deployed with has to fill out these big surveys. I turn mine in to my boss, and he's looking it over, and he starts asking me all these really personal questions that have nothing to do with the deployment. I get really nervous and start wondering why he's asking these strange questions. Then he starts acting like he's just joking around. I smile and leave his office, but I'm feeling really uneasy about it. I go back to my office and my parents and grandparents are there. They say it's almost Christmas so they've come to take me home. I go to grab my bag, but first I have to go help the commander's secretary clean out her office. We're trying to vacuum up her office with a shop vac and there's all this water everywhere and it keeps messing up the shop vac.