Friday, December 31, 2004

1) It's my birthday, so I decide to get a hamburger at McDonald's. I take it to a picnic table outside, and it's the worst thing I've ever tasted.

2) I'm walking with Christina Ricci and another girl to Christina's home. When we get there, I find it's actually a big tent. We go inside and Christina starts talking about how she used to be sick all the time, and from the conversation, I discover she's allergic to the colour blue. And the reason she was always so sick before is because the tent is yellow, and when the sun shines through, it makes the blue things inside look green, so she didn't know she should have gotten rid of them.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

1) I'm at a Christmas party thrown by the President. He's sitting at the head of the table and making a big speech, and I'm at the opposite end making jokes about everything he says. We all get little presents, and everyone at my end of the table opens theirs, and they're all little plush toys of Sesame Street characters. I have Ernie, and a girl sitting next to me gets ketchup all over it.

2) I'm a freshman in college and I'm eating lunch in the dining hall. I sit with a bunch of artsy-looking juniors and seniors, and there's one girl sitting next to me who's really attractive. We're all talking and I'm making some funny jokes and the really attractive girl is laughing, so I'm thinking I should leave and sit with some other people, so I don't look too desperate.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

1) I'm going to be in a new movie directed by Steven Spielberg along with Will Smith and Oprah Winfrey. I arrive at the studio the same time as Will and Oprah, and the three of us are walking around trying to find the set. We find this little conveyer belt and stand on it. It takes us around the outside of a big building and then inside, but it's really dark. We start going faster and faster, and I'm starting to get kinda scared. Then it starts going in circles really fast right before it stops, and the three of us are in this big dark room, and Steven Spielberg is there and he says, "Glad you could make it."

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

1) I'm hanging out with Drew Barrymore and a bunch of other girls in Drew's bedroom. She has a big garden full of mushrooms and pumpkins. Something happens, and all the mushrooms get uprooted, so we all help Drew replant them.

2) I'm sitting on a big couch talking to two people I don't know, when one of them asks me how old Dan Haas is. I guess late twenties or early thirties. Then I get a call on my cell phone from some random girl asking me to meet her in an abandoned parking lot. I'm worried because I think she's angry that I guessed Dan's age wrong.

3) I'm at a mall in Tokyo with my parents, and we're at this really exotic pet store and there's strange fish and weird ocean creatures in aquariums all over the place. They have several big octopi and these eels with funky tongues. I'm talking with this family who has a really big dog that loves to play fetch. I leave the mall and get in my car to find another mall. When I get there, I'm worried I won't be able to find my way back to the first mall where my parents still are. I end up running into some other Americans, and I ask for directions, but first I want to find a Starbucks.

Monday, December 20, 2004

1) It's sometime in the future, but I'm not sure how far into the future, and I'm riding on a big subway train with a bunch of people who are really immature and joking around with each other and I'm starting to get embarrassed. We've been told the subway is outdated, and it's going to be demolished soon, so we're riding on it just for fun. I get off the train and walk through a mall to a GAP store and start talking to people I don't really know.

Friday, December 17, 2004

1) I'm hanging out with everyone at the Hospitality House, but instead of looking like the actual Hospitality House, it looks like our first house in Kentucky. Everyone is really excited because we all got e-mails from Caleb, who is home on leave. Everyone printed out the e-mails, and we're going around the room reading them aloud.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

1) A friend and I are walking along a street, and these two terrorists pull up in a car and threaten to shoot us if we don't get in. They start asking us all kinds of questions and tell us they'll kill us if we don't do what they want us to do. Somehow, I don't really feel like my life is in danger, and I'm almost laughing at them and their lack of English skills.

2) I go onto a submarine where I see this guy Mike and a bunch of people I don't know. One of the people is this really attractive black lady with braids in her hair. She gets mad at me because we're on a submarine, and I left the door open when I got on. Then people start randomly having sex with each other. So, I decide to join in, but I'm looking for the black lady and I can't find her anymore.

3) I'm in a tiny cave with two people I've never met before. There's an avalanche, and it covers up the opening to the cave, so we're stuck inside. I have to pee really bad, so I go into the corner, and I pee so much it covers the entire floor of the cave, and one of the people in the cave with me is angry because she wanted to lay on the ground and sleep, but now she can't.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

1) I'm deployed and my friend Jo and I are in the same tent. I'm walking around camp one day, and I see her husband Vince looking for her. I get kinda nervous because I don't know if he knows we're staying in the same tent, so I keep my mouth shut.

Monday, December 13, 2004

1) Trish and Jeni-Bomb are starting up a singing duo for Church, and they ask me to be their accompanist. We're driving to this Church out in the country to rehearse, and when we get there, there is already a group of people there, and they give us nasty looks when we walk in.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

1) My friend Brad is getting ready to PCS, and I'm driving him to the airport. It's early morning, and still dark outside. He's wearing his blues, for some reason. We're driving to the airport, and I want him to hear the new Interpol album, so I pull over to the side of the road so I can find it on my iPod. We stop at a convenience store so he can get coffee. While we're there, he loosens his tie and starts doing this funny dance.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

1) I'm at work and going around to different shops getting stuff ready for the squadron Christmas party. I'm talking to this guy about pictures for the slide show, and then everyone decides to go outside to this big grassy area outside the building. We're all sitting around watching planes fly, when one of the planes starts to go down. We're all watching, and the plane circles around behind us, and starts to crash. It hits the ground right behind us and it looks like it's sliding right toward me. I close my eyes and roll up into a little ball. When I open my eyes the plane has slid right throught the middle of the crowd, but only missed me by a few inches. I look ahead and it's still sliding. It hits a building and bursts into flames. It's burning so hot that a few people around me catch of fire.

2) I have a crush on some girl who's getting ready to go to Tokyo. I decide to look online to see if I can get cheap plane tickets so I can go with her. I look down at my computer, and the screen has detached from the rest of the computer, and there's some guy on my couch watching movies. I ask him if he knows anything about how my computer got broken, and he just kinda stares at me.
1) I'm walking around Wal-Mart with Jeni-Bomb and Kerry looking for beauty products. They tell me they're going to start cutting people's hair, and I tell them they can experiment on me. So we go to this house in the desert, and they cut my hair. When they finish, it looks like they've shaved the entire front part of my head.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

1) I'm at the e-club, and it looks really different. There are a bunch of people there who are my friends, and Drew Barrymore is there, too. It's not very crowded, and we're all just haning out and socializing. Then it starts getting more and more crowded, and as more people come in, it gets really loud and rowdy. Then people are getting really drunk and turning tables over and stuff. My friends and I are getting really frustrated, because we just wanted to be mellow and hang out for a while.

2) I'm out in the country driving a Hummer and getting ready to deploy, but I don't know where to. There's a guy riding with me, and he says we're going to Haiti, which doesn't bother me at all.

Monday, December 06, 2004

1) I'm staying at this house with my brother and some guys from my squadron. It's late at night, and they're all sitting in the living room and watching television. I'm really hungry, and there's a half-eaten birthday cake, and I want some, but I don't know who to ask, so I just take some. I go outside, and there's these really weird, almost clear berries growing up from the ground. My brother comes out, and I ask if they're grapes, and he says they're raspberries, but they just don't have any colour yet.

2) I'm in a city, and I go into some bar, and they're having a dancing contest, but it's a group dance contest, so I go in to watch. I'm watching all the groups compete, and then one group gets up and it's full of really fat girls and a couple really fat guys. One of the guys says he's James Murphy's younger brother. They start dancing around horribly, and I think how embarassed James would be if he were there.

3) I'm at this house in a suburb with my brother, and we're visiting this couple who is friends with Gwen Stefani. Gwen is there talking to the wife and the wife is teaching Gwen how to be more erotic. So the wife, Gwen, my brother, and I are in a separate little house in the back yard, and there's all this ice cream. We start eating the ice cream, and I notice there is cheese and bacon in some of it, so I avoid it. Then my brother starts making out with Gwen, and I'm jealous, because I want to make out with Gwen.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

1) I'm going home on leave, and both my family and my friend's family are picking me up. I'm putting my luggage in the trunk and I notice that all my bags are opened up and my stuff is strewn all over the place. I'm trying to get all my clothes and stuff back in the bags.

2) I'm going out with Avril Lavigne, and we're swinging at a park. There's a big group of red-necky old men there, too, and they're singing these really annoying country songs really loud, and Avril and I start laughing.

3) I'm living in this really small village, and I'm babysitting this 5-year-old girl who looks really sweet and innocent. But when her parents leave, she turns into this total demon child, and starts speaking in a really deep voice. I try to put her in her room and hold the door shut, but she breaks the door down.
1) I'm on some TV talk show, and I'm up on stage with a bunch of white-trashy people, and they start having sex with each other, and I'm wondering who's watching this on TV, and if I should join in.

2) I'm in a park in the middle of a big city with a bunch of guys from work. We're flying kites, and a couple of the other guys' kites have gotten tangled in power lines. I'm all paranoid about mine getting in the power lines, too. I'm running across the park with my kite and I look back, and, sure enough, it's all caught up in the power lines, but it's really low, so a couple other guys get it untangled, and I start flying it again.

Friday, December 03, 2004

1) I'm talking to a friend, and he gives me a little video game console, and tells me to start playing it. It's some weird Mario game, and the graphics are really good.

2) I've been asked by my family to go and stay at this big mansion for the weekend and take care of it. I get there, and it seems empty, so I'm walking around upstairs, and this guy shows up out of nowhere and scares the crap out of me. He's really nice, but he's kinda weird. Then, all these other people start showing up saying they're all distant relatives, and they're all weird or crazy in some way.

3) I'm on some kind of road trip with a bunch of people on a bus, and we stop at a gas station to use the bathroom. When I'm walking out, I'm really dreading getting back on the bus.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

1) I'm in the house in Morganfield with Ben and we are scared because there is a team of female assassins after us. We're hiding in the basement and we both decide that while we're both afraid, there's something cool about getting chased by sexy female assassins.

Monday, November 29, 2004

1) I'm working at some kind of school or church, and there's a really famous guy coming to speak, and I'm the one who has to coordinate everything. So, the guy arrives, and I'm showing him around the campus. There are Japanese people everywhere, and he keeps asking questions about them. He wants to get a haircut, so I take him to the barber shop. I leave to use the bathroom, and when I come back, he's gone. So, I'm desperately searching all over campus for this guy so he can make it to his speech on time.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

1) I'm on a raft in the middle of a lake with my brother, and there's a shark swimming around us. I'm worried because I have these big scars across my chest like I've been enbalmed, and my blood is leaking out, which is what is attracting the shark. My brother wants to catch the shark. We float over toward a big pyramid sticking out of the water and get on. My brother attacks and kills the shark, and we haul it up on the side of the pyramid. My brother swims for shore to go let people know he caught the shark.

(Editorial note: In the middle of the night, after the first dream, we had a decent sized earthquake in Misawa, which woke me up, but I soon went back to sleep.)

2) I'm at home telling everyone about the great earthquake we had in Japan.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

1) I'm on the back porch of the house in Morganfield talking to my Dad. The sky starts to get really dark, and I start telling my Dad a story about getting struck by lighting. The wind starts blowing really hard, so I run out into the yard, hoping it will happen again. Lightning starts stiking all over the yard, but not on me, so I'm running around aimlessly in the yard, trying to get hit.
2) I just got married to Cate Blanchett, and she's telling me that it's okay if I want to have sex with other women if we're apart for a long time. She says she's getting ready to help Kanye West record his new album, and she'll probably end up having sex with him, since his studio gets pretty cold sometimes.
1) I'm riding on a train with Kate Winslet, and she's running around hysterically all over the place. When the train stops, we get off, and these guys take her and thank me for taking care of her.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

1) I'm on Hoth, the ice planet, like in "The Empire Strikes Back," and I'm like the Han Solo character, and I have to go out into the blizzard and find Luke Skywalker before he gets eaten by the big snowman monster. But instead of taking one of those big upright horse with horns thing, I drive a little blue pickup truck. So I'm driving this truck in the blizzard looking for Luke, and I see him out in the middle of nowhere running from the big monster. I stop in front of him, and we decide the best course of action is to try and hide in the bed of the truck and cover ourselves with snow. We don't do a very good job covering ourselves and the monster sees us. We're frantically trying to get out of the bed and into the cab of the truck before the monster eats us.

2) I'm working with Caleb up on the hill doing all this top secret stuff. After work everyday, we follow each other home and stop at this greasy little burger joint for dinner. One time, while we're there, this really attractive black lady sits down with us and starts talking. She's really nice, and we're having a good coversation, but then she tries to get us to tell her a bunch of top secret stuff having to do with our job.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

1) I have a second job in Morgainfield, so I have to commute there once a week and stay overnight. I decide to get an apartment, and I'm stocking it with groceries. My apartment is on the second floor of the building, and I'm having a really difficult time getting all the groceries in there. Then, one week, I come back, and someone else is living in my apartment, and I start to wonder if I paid my rent on time.

Monday, November 22, 2004

1) I'm at some kind of rest stop on the side of a highway in the middle of a desert. It's dusk, and I'm trying to change a tire on the vehicle I'm driving. Suddenly, Jeni-Bomb shows up to help me, and tells me I need chains on my tires. I try to tell her that we're in the middle of the desert, but she tells me to trust her. So, I put chains on my tires.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

1) I'm TDY with my boss, and we're staying in the same hotel room. He brings along some kind of hallucinogenic drugs, but we can't do anything because people keep knocking at the door.

Friday, November 19, 2004

1) Jason Johnson and I are walking around the campus of my high school because there is some kind of problem with the pipes in one of the mechanical rooms and we've been sent to fix it. There is also some kind of NAACP function going on, and as we're walking around, people keep staring at us because we're the only white people around. We finish the job, and keep walking until we see some carnival game set up that is being run by Trish. For the game, you have to throw these little balls through holes in a wall, but the balls are really big and the holes are really small and the distance from which you have to throw is ridiculously long. So there's really no way you could win. I talk to Trish for a while, then Jason and I are trying to find our way out, and we have to keep climbing over fences.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

1) I'm deployed, and I'm driving around looking for the place I'm supposed to meet my Mom for lunch. I go into a little restaurant, and Paul and Trish come in right after me.

2) I'm walking around some kind of college campus looking for a meeting I'm supposed to attend. There are lots of other people, including Ryan Halligan, looking for the same meeting. It takes all night for us to find this place, and then we have the meeting. Everyone wants to go to sleep afterward, but I tell my boss that I'll go ahead and work the next day.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

1) I'm walking around a college campus with Kerry, and she has to go to class, so I just keep walking around. I'm behind some buildings, and some people and children are talking and throwing a frisbee and stuff, so I join in. These obnoxious little kids start grabbing onto my legs, and my cell phone rings. It's Kerry asking if I can pick her up. Then, one of the little kids grabs my phone and gets his greasy hands all over it. I get my phone back, and all the keys are stuck. So after I pick Kerry up, I start tinkering with my phone and I end up breaking it.

2) I'm in bed, and Mike is laying next to me. I have to go to the bathroom, so I get up and go. As I'm leaving the bathroom, I walk by a strange third bedroom. I go inside, and PJ Harvey is sitting on the bed. I sit down and start talking to her. We have this great conversation about music and education. I put my hand on her leg, and start rubbing it.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

1) I'm driving with Caleb in his car, and we're in the county I grew up in, looking for the home of this guy I went through grade school with, Jason Bullock. It's really pretty outside, and all the trees have colorful leaves. I'm trying to remember how to get to this guys house, and I keep leading us in the wrong direction. We drive over this covered bridge, and stop to get out and look at it. When we do, we realize it's actually somebody's house, and the guy who lives there comes out. We start to talk to him, but he just runs away.

Monday, November 15, 2004

1) Dracula and I are running through this field on opposite sides of a fence, but I don't know if he's chasing me or I'm chasing him. I start climbing the fence and he starts yelling at me.

2) I'm playing the pinball machine in our old basement with my old youth minister, Sam. We're both kinda jokingly talking smack about who's going to win. So, it's my turn, and I start playing, and I'm thinking I'm doing really good. I'm hitting all the right little bumpers and lights to get points and stuff. I finish playing my last ball, and when I look up to see my score, it's only 265.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

1) It's early in the morning, and I have a bunch of wood in front of my house. I'm using a circular saw to cut it, but I'm worried I'll wake the neighbours. I'm constantly looking over in the next row of houses to see if Ryan is home.

2) I'm walking through a series of rooms in a building, and end up at some big party with a bunch of rock stars from the 60s. I'm reading a copy of Rolling Stone magazine, and this really rich lady starts asking me stupid questions, and I'm really rude and sarcastic with her. Then, I'm mingling around the party and all these people are handing me beer, so I keep drinking it.

Friday, November 12, 2004

1) Paul, Trish, Jeni-Bomb, Kerry, Caleb and I all get into Caleb's car to go see some kind of big Japanese monument or something. On the way back, we have to drive over this really tall, narrow bridge. As we're driving over it, I start to get really worried there might be an earthquake while we're on the bridge. I don't tell anyone how worried I am, but I can't keep from looking over the side and peering all the way down to the water. We finally make it to the other side, and stop to go to the bathroom. As we're walking around the rest stop, there are some little street peddlers trying to get us to by some cheap trinkets, and they won't leave us alone. So Trish holds up some kind of doll or something like she's selling it, so the peddlers will leave us alone.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

1) My brother and I are driving in a big truck, and we stop at a mall to pick up a present for our Dad. We park the truck, and in the next parking space is Renee Zellweger in this little, tiny, compact car, and she has three kids. She's having some difficulty getting all the children out of their car seats and into strollers and stuff, so we ask if she needs any help. When we get into the store, we're looking around the men's section but can't find anything we like for Dad.

2) I'm join some kind of orchestra, and they tell me they need a bassoon player, so that's what I'll be playing. They give me a brand new bassoon, and I open up the case, but the reed is broken. So I'm trying to find the band director to see if he can help me get a new reed.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

1) I'm watching this musical because I know a girl performing in it. In the middle of one of her scenes, she pushes the guy she's on stage with off the stage, and pulls me up there. Somehow, I know the words and the dance steps. Afterward, I go home to this weird looking apartment I'm sharing with Jimmy and some other guy. I just wanted to go home and take a shower before the next performance. So, after I get out of the shower, I go into the kitchen and there are, like, 15 clocks in there and they're all set to different times. So I'm freaking out and yelling at my roommates because I don't know what time it is or when I have to be back to the theatre.

2) I'm in a hotel room somewhere getting ready to go to sleep. I notice someone has laid out little pieces of cheese in all the corners for the mice. So, I tell the staff, and they decide to dig this big hole in the middle of the room to find all the mice. It ends up being this huge gaping hole in the middle of my room. There's this black lady helping dig, and she's standing on the edge, and the ground caves in beneath her. I start to fall in, too, but I crawl out. She's laying face down in the dirt, and she says she's okay, but I'm worried the other side is going to cave in. So, I'm really frantic and looking around for a rope to pull her out.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

1) I'm at work and Ryan Halligan needs help taking some things to the recycling center, so we get in the truck and head up there, but neither of us really know where it is, so we get a little lost. When we finally get there, Bjork is there, too.

Monday, November 08, 2004

1) I'm going to some kind of college that specializes in song writing. I don't live in the dormitory, but I'm walking through there and Mike Flickinger and Mike Cole are playing frisbee in the hallway, so I stop for a while to chat and toss the frisbee. I leave there and go back to my apartment, and my roommate is packing up all his stuff. He wants to move out because he says I'm too loud, so I convince him to stay for the rest of the semester. I leave there, and go to my job as a clerk in some big department store. Heath Schexnider works there, too, and when we get there, we notice the entire staff is there because the manager is really incompetent, and has scheduled everyone for the same shift. I look up and notice the store doesn't have a roof, and the sky is really neat looking, so I point it out to everyone. Everyone is looking up in awe of all the stars, and Heath and I start making out.

2) I'm riding in a car with Johnny Depp, and he's telling me all about what is was like making the movie "Ed Wood."

Sunday, November 07, 2004

1) I'm digging a trench in this meadow that's totally surrounded by forest. There are other people out there working, too, and we see the clouds overhead start to swirl around. I start to run toward a building, but Jeni-Bomb tells me there's not enough time to get there, so, for some reason, I run into the woods. The tornado touches down and it's kinda chasing me all over. I end up finding this dormitory-like building, so I go inside. I'm running around inside the dorm telling people to take cover because there's a tornado outside, and I see Beka and Nina. They are both back in Misawa just to hang out with each other for a while. They'd been in town for a week, and I kinda feel disappointed they hadn't called me yet.

2) I'm riding with my Dad on his boat, and we're in some kind of harbour or something, and we're being towed out into the lake by a bigger boat. There are lots of other boats around, and the harbour is really crowded. We start going faster, and I fall into the water. I'm holding onto a rope, and I keep going under the water, and I'm worried that one of the boats behind us is going to run over me. I somehow get back into the boat, and we get out into the lake. My Dad wants to ski, so he pulls out his skis and the rope. I'm kinda nervous because I've never driven the boat while someone is skiing before.

Friday, November 05, 2004

1) I'm driving through Las Vegas with Justin Hubbard (whom I was friends with in the 5th grade), and I'm telling him about all kinds of good places to eat. We park and as we're walking toward some places to shop, I tell him they should have more outdoor cafes in Vegas. We go inside a mall, and Justin writes a check for $230,000, shows it to me, and says that's his spending limit. Then we go with this weird group of people who are really upset because they think the Earth is no longer rotating on its axis. They're preaching about the end of the world and telling everyone how there's going to be enormous earthquakes and tidal waves and whatnot. Justin and I leave and get on a train out of town.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

1) I'm riding around with a group of people, and we're stopping at different video stores looking for a movie to rent, but nobody can decide. For some reason, we stop at this really fancy restaurant, and one of the guys has to use the bathroom. We all go in, but the guy can't go in the men's room because it's full, so he goes to the ladies' room, and I get really nervous they're going to kick us out.

2) I'm at some party and there are a lot of people from CNN there. Sharon Stone is there, too, and she's bragging about how she killed her husband. The husband's little boy, her step-son, overhears, and gets her to follow him back to his bedroom. He uses some kind of mental or supernatural power and she falls over dead.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

1) I'm in a long hallway and it kinda looks like a high school, but it's rather dark, and I can't see too well. I see someone walking at the other end, so I run toward them, and it's Trish. So I say, "Hey! Whattup?" And she says, "What are YOU doing here?"

Monday, November 01, 2004

1) I'm back at the house in Morganfield with a bunch of people from high school that I didn't really know that well. We're running around outside, and I have a big squirt gun filled with holy water. I run around the house and into the basement, and Jason Berry is there waiting for this older lady to come in so he can try to have sex with her. I tell him I'm going to hide in the corner so I can watch. Then, a bunch of people start coming in and throwing a big party in my basement. Everyone is dancing around and Paris Hilton is there. I start to feel really self conscious because all these other guys have big muscles, and I don't.

2) I'm on a trip with my Mom, and we are driving a rental car. We're on this big highway and it banks really hard to the left. There's a guy in front of us who loses control of his car, and bumps up against us. We pull over and it's Kevin Bacon. He apologises and tells us he'll pay for everything.

2) I'm in Cairns (?) on a retreat or something with a bunch of people from the Hospitality House. We keep splitting up into groups because some people want to go hunting and some people want to go shopping. Don is there and spends all his time on the phone and doesn't come out with us at all. I want to split off from the group and just get lost in the city, but I don't have the guts to ask permission.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

1) Melissa and I are visiting my parents. We wake up on a Saturday morning, and my Mom is doing our laundry. Melissa goes to take a shower and I find a bunch of car brochures underneath her pillow. My dad comes in and starts talking about how this guy he knew in the Air Force was separating after 18 years of service because he got some great job on the outside. The Phil Donohue Show is on the television.
1) I'm eating dinner in an outdoor restaurant with an LT from my squadron. My family is there, too, but they're sitting at a different table. Suddenly, the LT comes across the table and tries to kiss me, but I back away because my family is there. I go inside the nearest building and start watching the news.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

1) I wake up one morning, and as I pass my back bedroom on the way to the bathroom, I see a bunch of people sleeping in there, and I don't know how or why they're there. So I go into the bathroom and close the door, and I'm really paranoid for some reason. I look out the key hole and I see them all get up and leave.

2) I have a twin and we're some kind of crime fighting team, but my twin is really lazy and I can never get him to go out and fight the bad guys.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

1) I'm friends with Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, and Ben is dating this really hot Spanish girl, but she's cheating on him with Owen. So the three of us are driving around in this van trying to cheer up Ben. Then we stop by the girl's house, and sneak around the back side to spy on her, and she's with another guy, so now Owen and Ben are both upset. Then Ben pulls out a gun and aims it at her, so Owen and I are trying to pull him away. Then the girl and the guy she's with see us, and the guy comes out and shoots Ben, so Owen and I drag him back to the van and are trying to get him to the hospital.

2) I go into the bathroom (that looks like the bathroom of my house in Morganfield) to take a shower, and I pull back the shower curtain, and Brad is sitting in the bathtub reading a book. For some reason, it doesn't really bother either of us, so I go ahead and start running the water for my shower, and get in, and we start having a conversation about the book.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

1) I'm out in the ocean with this girl I've never seen before, we're trying to have oral sex with each other, but it's really difficult because we're trying to stay afloat at the same time.

2) I've separated from the military, and I get a job washing dishes at some hotel. I'm working the night shift, and one night, when I go in to work, I see Nina Ledford walking out. She says she has separated from the military, as well, and she has the same job, but she works the day shift.
1) Something involving a gigantic shoe store and it was extremely bright inside. So bright, that I had to put on my sunglasses. I'm browsing in the shoe store and I find all kinds of shoes I like, but I get frustrated because I can't decide which ones to buy.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

1) I'm working at Gap again, and the store at which I work is actually a really old house that's been converted. Madonna has bought all the Gap stores, and she's getting ready to come to my store for a visit and everyone's freaking out. The store looks immaculate. Actually, I'm not even supposed to be there. It's supposed to be just the managers and stuff, but I showed up anyway, just because I want to see Madonna. I'm kinda standing in the back when she arrives, and I start to get really nervous and scared I'm going to faint when she walks by. She walks around the store with the manager, but doesn't come to where I'm standing, and then starts to leave, and I get really dissappointed. Then she stops and turns around and asks about a rack of clothing next to me. I start talking and I'm amazed at how professional and intelligent I sound. I answer all her questions thoroughly, and she seems pleased. So then she leaves, and I go to the kitchen where the cook is trying to fix a doorknob.

2) I'm riding on the bullet train to Tokyo with Paul and Trish, just to make sure they get on their plane to the States okay, and I'm wondering if I should take the train back to Misawa, or fly.

3) We're in the middle of a base exercise, and I'm trying to out-process my squadron at the same time. And anytime we leave the room, we have to give this ridiculously long reporting statement. So I get frustrated and decide to go for a run. I'm running down this big corridor filled with people and I see Shelby running, too. I run for about 3 miles, and then turn around to go back. When I get back, I see a note saying I have to go to the orderly room for some paperwork regarding my out-processing. So I go up there, and they have all these snacks and lemonade and stuff. And the orderly room people are walking around in civilian clothes.

4) I'm on vacation with a bunch of people in some tropical location. We get a room in a hotel and it's really small. I go into the bathroom, and there are crabs and spiders and other bugs all over the place. I go out and talk to Paul about it, and we decide to call the manager. Then Paul sees this other guy in the room across from ours, and decides to go ask him about Jesus instead.

Monday, October 25, 2004

1) I'm some kind of guard in a women's prison, and there is an inmate that looks like Catherine O'Hara who gets to go to some kind of party because she's behaved herself. And I'm the one that has to escort her. She ends up getting really drunk and hitting on this guy, and she gets mad when I tell him she can't go home with him because she has to go back to prison. The rest of the night is spent trying to get her back in my car so I can drive her back to the penitentiary, and she is a very annoying drunk.

2) I'm babysitting this kid and he has a "Sopranos" playset with a bunch of action figures, and I start playing with the action figures. I get a kick out of the playset because it's really morbid and has different ways to kill and torure people.

3) I'm walking down the street in some city, and I'm walking by a hospital when a doctor is getting a patient on a gurney out of an ambulance. He asks for help, so I help him wheel the gurney through the hospital and into the elevator. After we get off the elevator, we drop the patient off in an examination room, and the doctor thanks me and goes somewhere else. I'm walking out of the hospital when I realize I've left my sunglasses somewhere inside, so I go back in and look for them. I'm getting really frustrated because they are my favorite sunglasses and they're Armani and they cost a lot of money. I'm walking all over the hospital and I don't find my sunglasses, but I end up hitting on this really hot nurse.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

1) I'm deployed, but we're working in a big city somewhere. We're practicing how to drive convoys in what looks like the garage of my house in Morganfield. Then all these big balloon-like bombs start dropping, but we don't know if they're real bombs, or part of some kind of exercise, so we just kind of ignore them. Then, it's night time, and we're driving the actual convoy, and getting ready to leave the base. I'm riding on a trailer being hauled by a truck driven by Scarlett Johansson. She's trying to turn the truck around, and gets frustrated and hits the gas really hard, leaving behind the trailer with me on it. The truck goes out into a busy interection, and there's a horrible accident smashing the truck in two. Scarlett is instantly killed, and I start feeling guilty because I think I should have been the one driving.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

1) I'm on a trip with some friends and after going to Disneyland, we stay overnight at one girl's house. A tiger comes in and at first we're scared, but then I start talking to it. The girl's mom is out of town and she's really paranoid about keeping the house clean. The next morning, we all go to pick up her mom from the airport.

Monday, April 19, 2004

1) I'm in Iraq and my Mom is in the military and deployed with me. We're on a job together and she's flirting with MSgt Thompson like some little school girl, and I'm getting kinda angry with her.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

1) I'm involved in some kind of relay race using lots of shoes and t-shirts at the HH. The whole time we're kind of paranoid about some evil tyrant. Afterward, we put flowers all around the house to keep away evil spirits.

Friday, April 16, 2004

1) I'm on my way to Iraq and several of us are staying in a hotel and trying to order pizza because we don't want to walk across the street to the Waffle House. Tim Linder is there.

2) I'm at some resort or something at the top of a mountain with my Mom and we're getting ready to leave when we see a bunch of military people arrive. We hide and they don't see us. We get in the car and speed to the house in Morganfield. We're getting the dog and grabbing a few things because we're really scared the military guys will come after us. The car is in the back yard for some reason, and I'm trying to persuade the dog to get in the car so we can take off.

3) I'm in Vegas staying with Jim, but he's married to Jen Price and this other guy lives there, too. We're all trying to go to sleep one night, but we can't so we decide to go for a swim in their indoor pool. I'm swimming underwater and I see a big grate at the bottom of the pool. I swim down to it and get caught in the suction. I'm trying to wave my hands around, but the water is too deep and nobody can see me, and I start to drown.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

1) I'm in Vegas on my way to Iraq and I go into Gap and see all my old friends. We reminisce and I tell them about my last deployment and that I'm on my way there again. Madonna is playing a show in town that night, and we all go, but the performance is really disappointing. At the end, I see Abby, Jeni-Bomb, and Andrew Peterka, and we all hug.

2) I'm at a really cool mall in Hachinohe that looks just like the mall in Morioka. I go into the bathroom and I'm standing at the urinal, there are some guys behind me dealing drugs or something. I leave and go to Starbucks.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

1) I'm on vacation in London with my Mom and we're shopping at a K-Mart really late. We're looking at different kinds of lights. All I buy is a stupid little key chain with a wind-up toy dragon on it, but we wait in line for a long time because it's so crowded. We get out of line to go look at something else and get back and the line is even longer, but the lady who was next to us before let's us back in next to her. We get back to the hotel and talk about getting some food, but Mom decides to go to bed. I go outside with the dog and fall asleep on the front lawn. I wake up the next morning and I'm in my room and Tim Klingenberg and Drew Branson are there and they tell me the new Air Force regulations will allow us to grow goatees.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

1) I go to Hakkoda to snowboard, but there's hardly any snow at all. Some people are riding their boards down in the dirt and mud.

2) I'm trapped on the top floor of a skyscraper overnight with about 20 other people. For some reason, they're all paranoid a plane is going to fly into the building, so I'm trying to calm them all down, but I'm a little scared, too.

3) I live in this huge house and my brother is coming to visit and my Mom wants to pull some kind of practical joke on him. Bill Murray is somehow involved.

Monday, April 12, 2004

1) My friend Valerie is getting married in Miama or L.A. and invites me to the wedding. It's the same night as a Britney Spears concert and Britney and her crew are staying at the same hotel as me. I'm hanging out at the hotel after the wedding and the concert and I see Courtney Love with some other girl and they're really high. I start hanging out with them and Courtney ODs and suddenly the ambulance and the cops are there and everyone's talking about it but they're all getting the story wrong.

2) I'm married and looking for a house and we find one on a big hill overlooking a city. To celebrate, we go out to eat at a Japanese restaurant and Ichikawa is there.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

1) I'm back in Kentucky and my family is eating out at a restaurant. My dad gets up to leave to take my grandmother to a doctor's appointment. I leave because I have this great job at some kind of department/grocery store.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

1) I'm eating out with Paul, Trish, Andre Rendon, his wife, and some people I don't know. Afterward, we're shopping and I steal an iPod. On the way out of the parking lot, I'm stopped by Japanese security guards so they can search my car. They find the stolen iPod, but I tell them it's mine and they totally believe me. I get back to the dorm and everyone is there watching "The Simpsons."

Friday, April 09, 2004

1) I'm at a big indoor gym and I'm teaching Emma Weber how to rollerskate. There's also a kid's indoor soccer tournament going on and I see a lady try to leave her son beneath the bleachers and abandon him. I grab the boy and we start running after his mother.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

1) I'm smoking pot with TSgt Rhea, and were driving around in his car and stop at this playground in a big park. I see Meredith and she tells me she's married, but she's getting ready to go out on a date with Jason Mraz, even though she doesn't know who he is. After that, she goes on a date with me.

2) I'm walking down a big hallway in a school, and I'm looking in windows in doors. I find one door that doesn't have a window, so I walk in and I see Jo Bradshaw in a room with a bunch of naked guys.

Saturday, April 03, 2004

1) I'm laying in bed and Captain Frey is tucking me in using these big cargo straps. I'm talking to him and I notice that he only has a single bar on his collar, so I start teasing him and calling him "LT."