Friday, December 31, 2004

1) It's my birthday, so I decide to get a hamburger at McDonald's. I take it to a picnic table outside, and it's the worst thing I've ever tasted.

2) I'm walking with Christina Ricci and another girl to Christina's home. When we get there, I find it's actually a big tent. We go inside and Christina starts talking about how she used to be sick all the time, and from the conversation, I discover she's allergic to the colour blue. And the reason she was always so sick before is because the tent is yellow, and when the sun shines through, it makes the blue things inside look green, so she didn't know she should have gotten rid of them.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

1) I'm at a Christmas party thrown by the President. He's sitting at the head of the table and making a big speech, and I'm at the opposite end making jokes about everything he says. We all get little presents, and everyone at my end of the table opens theirs, and they're all little plush toys of Sesame Street characters. I have Ernie, and a girl sitting next to me gets ketchup all over it.

2) I'm a freshman in college and I'm eating lunch in the dining hall. I sit with a bunch of artsy-looking juniors and seniors, and there's one girl sitting next to me who's really attractive. We're all talking and I'm making some funny jokes and the really attractive girl is laughing, so I'm thinking I should leave and sit with some other people, so I don't look too desperate.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

1) I'm going to be in a new movie directed by Steven Spielberg along with Will Smith and Oprah Winfrey. I arrive at the studio the same time as Will and Oprah, and the three of us are walking around trying to find the set. We find this little conveyer belt and stand on it. It takes us around the outside of a big building and then inside, but it's really dark. We start going faster and faster, and I'm starting to get kinda scared. Then it starts going in circles really fast right before it stops, and the three of us are in this big dark room, and Steven Spielberg is there and he says, "Glad you could make it."

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

1) I'm hanging out with Drew Barrymore and a bunch of other girls in Drew's bedroom. She has a big garden full of mushrooms and pumpkins. Something happens, and all the mushrooms get uprooted, so we all help Drew replant them.

2) I'm sitting on a big couch talking to two people I don't know, when one of them asks me how old Dan Haas is. I guess late twenties or early thirties. Then I get a call on my cell phone from some random girl asking me to meet her in an abandoned parking lot. I'm worried because I think she's angry that I guessed Dan's age wrong.

3) I'm at a mall in Tokyo with my parents, and we're at this really exotic pet store and there's strange fish and weird ocean creatures in aquariums all over the place. They have several big octopi and these eels with funky tongues. I'm talking with this family who has a really big dog that loves to play fetch. I leave the mall and get in my car to find another mall. When I get there, I'm worried I won't be able to find my way back to the first mall where my parents still are. I end up running into some other Americans, and I ask for directions, but first I want to find a Starbucks.

Monday, December 20, 2004

1) It's sometime in the future, but I'm not sure how far into the future, and I'm riding on a big subway train with a bunch of people who are really immature and joking around with each other and I'm starting to get embarrassed. We've been told the subway is outdated, and it's going to be demolished soon, so we're riding on it just for fun. I get off the train and walk through a mall to a GAP store and start talking to people I don't really know.

Friday, December 17, 2004

1) I'm hanging out with everyone at the Hospitality House, but instead of looking like the actual Hospitality House, it looks like our first house in Kentucky. Everyone is really excited because we all got e-mails from Caleb, who is home on leave. Everyone printed out the e-mails, and we're going around the room reading them aloud.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

1) A friend and I are walking along a street, and these two terrorists pull up in a car and threaten to shoot us if we don't get in. They start asking us all kinds of questions and tell us they'll kill us if we don't do what they want us to do. Somehow, I don't really feel like my life is in danger, and I'm almost laughing at them and their lack of English skills.

2) I go onto a submarine where I see this guy Mike and a bunch of people I don't know. One of the people is this really attractive black lady with braids in her hair. She gets mad at me because we're on a submarine, and I left the door open when I got on. Then people start randomly having sex with each other. So, I decide to join in, but I'm looking for the black lady and I can't find her anymore.

3) I'm in a tiny cave with two people I've never met before. There's an avalanche, and it covers up the opening to the cave, so we're stuck inside. I have to pee really bad, so I go into the corner, and I pee so much it covers the entire floor of the cave, and one of the people in the cave with me is angry because she wanted to lay on the ground and sleep, but now she can't.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

1) I'm deployed and my friend Jo and I are in the same tent. I'm walking around camp one day, and I see her husband Vince looking for her. I get kinda nervous because I don't know if he knows we're staying in the same tent, so I keep my mouth shut.

Monday, December 13, 2004

1) Trish and Jeni-Bomb are starting up a singing duo for Church, and they ask me to be their accompanist. We're driving to this Church out in the country to rehearse, and when we get there, there is already a group of people there, and they give us nasty looks when we walk in.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

1) My friend Brad is getting ready to PCS, and I'm driving him to the airport. It's early morning, and still dark outside. He's wearing his blues, for some reason. We're driving to the airport, and I want him to hear the new Interpol album, so I pull over to the side of the road so I can find it on my iPod. We stop at a convenience store so he can get coffee. While we're there, he loosens his tie and starts doing this funny dance.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

1) I'm at work and going around to different shops getting stuff ready for the squadron Christmas party. I'm talking to this guy about pictures for the slide show, and then everyone decides to go outside to this big grassy area outside the building. We're all sitting around watching planes fly, when one of the planes starts to go down. We're all watching, and the plane circles around behind us, and starts to crash. It hits the ground right behind us and it looks like it's sliding right toward me. I close my eyes and roll up into a little ball. When I open my eyes the plane has slid right throught the middle of the crowd, but only missed me by a few inches. I look ahead and it's still sliding. It hits a building and bursts into flames. It's burning so hot that a few people around me catch of fire.

2) I have a crush on some girl who's getting ready to go to Tokyo. I decide to look online to see if I can get cheap plane tickets so I can go with her. I look down at my computer, and the screen has detached from the rest of the computer, and there's some guy on my couch watching movies. I ask him if he knows anything about how my computer got broken, and he just kinda stares at me.
1) I'm walking around Wal-Mart with Jeni-Bomb and Kerry looking for beauty products. They tell me they're going to start cutting people's hair, and I tell them they can experiment on me. So we go to this house in the desert, and they cut my hair. When they finish, it looks like they've shaved the entire front part of my head.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

1) I'm at the e-club, and it looks really different. There are a bunch of people there who are my friends, and Drew Barrymore is there, too. It's not very crowded, and we're all just haning out and socializing. Then it starts getting more and more crowded, and as more people come in, it gets really loud and rowdy. Then people are getting really drunk and turning tables over and stuff. My friends and I are getting really frustrated, because we just wanted to be mellow and hang out for a while.

2) I'm out in the country driving a Hummer and getting ready to deploy, but I don't know where to. There's a guy riding with me, and he says we're going to Haiti, which doesn't bother me at all.

Monday, December 06, 2004

1) I'm staying at this house with my brother and some guys from my squadron. It's late at night, and they're all sitting in the living room and watching television. I'm really hungry, and there's a half-eaten birthday cake, and I want some, but I don't know who to ask, so I just take some. I go outside, and there's these really weird, almost clear berries growing up from the ground. My brother comes out, and I ask if they're grapes, and he says they're raspberries, but they just don't have any colour yet.

2) I'm in a city, and I go into some bar, and they're having a dancing contest, but it's a group dance contest, so I go in to watch. I'm watching all the groups compete, and then one group gets up and it's full of really fat girls and a couple really fat guys. One of the guys says he's James Murphy's younger brother. They start dancing around horribly, and I think how embarassed James would be if he were there.

3) I'm at this house in a suburb with my brother, and we're visiting this couple who is friends with Gwen Stefani. Gwen is there talking to the wife and the wife is teaching Gwen how to be more erotic. So the wife, Gwen, my brother, and I are in a separate little house in the back yard, and there's all this ice cream. We start eating the ice cream, and I notice there is cheese and bacon in some of it, so I avoid it. Then my brother starts making out with Gwen, and I'm jealous, because I want to make out with Gwen.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

1) I'm going home on leave, and both my family and my friend's family are picking me up. I'm putting my luggage in the trunk and I notice that all my bags are opened up and my stuff is strewn all over the place. I'm trying to get all my clothes and stuff back in the bags.

2) I'm going out with Avril Lavigne, and we're swinging at a park. There's a big group of red-necky old men there, too, and they're singing these really annoying country songs really loud, and Avril and I start laughing.

3) I'm living in this really small village, and I'm babysitting this 5-year-old girl who looks really sweet and innocent. But when her parents leave, she turns into this total demon child, and starts speaking in a really deep voice. I try to put her in her room and hold the door shut, but she breaks the door down.
1) I'm on some TV talk show, and I'm up on stage with a bunch of white-trashy people, and they start having sex with each other, and I'm wondering who's watching this on TV, and if I should join in.

2) I'm in a park in the middle of a big city with a bunch of guys from work. We're flying kites, and a couple of the other guys' kites have gotten tangled in power lines. I'm all paranoid about mine getting in the power lines, too. I'm running across the park with my kite and I look back, and, sure enough, it's all caught up in the power lines, but it's really low, so a couple other guys get it untangled, and I start flying it again.

Friday, December 03, 2004

1) I'm talking to a friend, and he gives me a little video game console, and tells me to start playing it. It's some weird Mario game, and the graphics are really good.

2) I've been asked by my family to go and stay at this big mansion for the weekend and take care of it. I get there, and it seems empty, so I'm walking around upstairs, and this guy shows up out of nowhere and scares the crap out of me. He's really nice, but he's kinda weird. Then, all these other people start showing up saying they're all distant relatives, and they're all weird or crazy in some way.

3) I'm on some kind of road trip with a bunch of people on a bus, and we stop at a gas station to use the bathroom. When I'm walking out, I'm really dreading getting back on the bus.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

1) I'm in the house in Morganfield with Ben and we are scared because there is a team of female assassins after us. We're hiding in the basement and we both decide that while we're both afraid, there's something cool about getting chased by sexy female assassins.