Wednesday, December 28, 2005

1) It's really late at night, and I'm walking around downtown with my friend Chad. We're in this alley and Chad wants to get something to eat. I don't think there's anything open that late, but we see a sushi restaurant, so I go over to see if it's open. I go inside, and this lady takes me to a seat. The restaurant is really fancy and trendy. I sit down and call Chad to tell him to come on in. While I'm waiting for him, my friend Patrick starts texting me, but I don't pay attention.

Monday, December 26, 2005

1) I'm at work and I overhear a bunch of guys saying they're going to break into the shop and steal a bunch of stuff. I tell them I want to help, so we all plan on when to meet that night. I get to the shop and it's dark and everyone else is already there. I start feeling bad, so I go into the back of the shop and lay on the couch. I fall asleep and wake up the next morning. Everyone else is already at work and they're all freaking out about all the stuff that has been stolen. They ask me if I know anything, but I don't because I was asleep the whole time. I walk outside and Ellen Degeneres is there, and she's offering me moral support and we have a great conversation.

2) I'm in high school and getting ready to graduate. Everyone in my class is walking out to the football field for practice. I'm relieved that I'm not involved in any extra-curicular activities so I can just follow everyone else. The guy standing next to me is this big football player, and he's really dumb, and I'm nervous he's going to walk the wrong way and I'm just going to follow him.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

1) My Dad is having a Shriner's convention, and I'm helping to set everything up. Destiny's Child is performing, and we're all backstage. Beyonce wants to perform their charity song, and I tell them nobody wants to hear their crappy charity song. All anybody wants to hear is "Bootylicious." The girls go out on stage and sing all their songs and everyone is happy. Afterward, we're taking all the chairs down, and some guy gets frustrated with me because I mixed together two different kinds of chairs.

Friday, December 23, 2005

1) I'm going to the movies by myself. I sit down at the theatre, and realise I'm seeing "Independence Day II." I don't want to see it, but I'm already there, so I just stay. There are parts in the movie where the aliens are sticking these big metal things into peoples' chests, and I feel like I'm in the movie. The movie ends and it's really bad. The theatre is really crowded, and it takes me a while to get outside. I go back out to my truck and see that I've left it unlocked with the windows down and the driver's door wide open. Luckily, nobody has taken anything. I drive for a while, but decide that it's such a nice day, I'm going to walk the rest of the way home. I somehow end up walking by the CE dorm and look down and see that I'm only wearing my tighty-whiteys. I'm feeling pretty good about how my body looks, so it doesn't really bother me, but when I'm walking by the dorm manager's office, I see a big pile of clothes, some of which are mine, so I start going through them. This girl walks out of the dorm manager's office and starts staring at me. I'm waiting for her to ask why I'm going through all the clothes, but she never does, so I just keep looking for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, just so I don't get arrested while walking the rest of the way home.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

1) I'm in Misawa and I'm hanging out with Paul and Trish. Trish is pregnant again and goes into labour. We take a helicopter to the hospital. Paul and Trish go inside while I try to shut off the helicopter. I go inside and look for Paul and Trish. I pass by the little room where all the newborns are on display, and Paul and Trish are already in there. They bring out their new baby and I get to hold her.

2) I'm back in high school and I'm sitting in class. The teacher finished his lecture, but doesn't want to let us go home early, so we decide to play charades. I go first and I'm trying to get everyone to say "sign language." I get them to say "sign," but nobody can ever get "language," so I give up and sit down.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

1) I'm at my old Church in Morganfield. A bunch of us are running around and laughing and having a good time. I see Rachel Red Cloud and she wants us all to go over to her house. I leave to go find my car, and when I get in, I suspect my brother has been driving it because the seat has been moved and the radio station has been changed. I start driving and following everyone to Rachel's house. We're driving around the backside of the Church, and they're doing all kinds of new construction.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

1) I move into a new house, and I'm showing people around. It's a cool house because it goes in a big loop, but when it comes back around, the door opens behind the bathtub. I go to work and we're trying to stack a bunch of chairs, but they keep falling over. I'm trying to decide what to do, and we end up leaving them unfolded and placing them at one end of the auditorium. After work, we all go out for beers, and I'm trying to decide which to drink. I'm there with a bunch of people and I'm feeling really good because I'm telling jokes and everyone is laughing.

2) I'm in a plane with my parents. I don't know where we're going, but the plane has to make an emergency landing in Tokyo. I'm excited because I want to see Japan again. We get off the plane and we're walking around downtown.

Monday, December 19, 2005

1) Lana and I are on a double date with another couple. We are in Lana's car, and she's driving. We go to the theatre to see if Brokeback Mountain is playing. It is, and we're parking, but Lana pulls up next to a curb that's painted red. We talk for a minute about if we'll get towed, but we go inside anyway. The movie has just started, and when we sit down, there are only a few other people in the theatre.

Friday, December 16, 2005

1) I'm on a retreat with a bunch of people from Church. We're at the beach somewhere, and, by coincidence, my parents and some other family are staying in the same town. We've been hanging out on the beach a lot and having Church services. One night, my parents ask me to come by their hotel room. I get there and they start lecturing me about Brad having a hard time at school because of sports. And then they start asking why a bunch of the single people leave Church after the praise and worship. After that, my aunt Suzie tells me I'm not a very good shoe salesman.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

1) I'm at work, and everyone decides to go to the chow hall for lunch. We get there, and all the tables are already marked b people putting their hats on them. We get our food, and come back to find that all the hats are still there, but nobody is sitting down yet. I get really frustrated and start throwing people hats off of tables. After lunch, I'm walking down a hallway and get pulled into a room by Billy Bob Thornton and Tim Robbins. Don is there, too, and Billy Bob and Tim are trying to get him to run for President. We're talking and suddenly, Tim starts making out with Don. Billy Bob gets jealous and pulls out a big knife and kills them both. I just kinda stand there, and grab my hat and walk out. I'm nervous because there's blood all over my clothes and I'm trying to cover it up. I go into a store and pick up a soda and nobody says anything about the blood.

Monday, December 12, 2005

1) I wake up, look at my phone, and see that it's 9:30, and I was supposed to be at PT at 6. I freak out and jump out of bed. I'm freaking out even more because it's still dark outside, and I'm hoping my clock is wrong, but all the other clocks in my house say the same thing. I grab my phone and start dialing my parents number, but realise they won't be at home, so I try to remember the number for my Mom's office. I go into my kitchen and everything is a mess.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

1) I'm living at home, and this 20-something lady comes to live with us because she wants to take classes at our church. Dad asks me to show her around. She seems very cold and suspicious at first, but she warms up and ends up being a very nice girl. We all go to the beach to visit with my Mom's sisters. They're all arguing when we get there, and my Mom tries to make peace between them all. They start talking about all the sugar they ate as little girls. Then we all go see Gwen Stefani in concert and Gwen is throwing her shoes to everyone in the crowd.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

1) I'm on a deployment and hanging out in my tent. Garah is there and we're talking about our careers. Garah says she's going to get out of the Air Force, but I tell her I'm staying in. I'm talking with some other guy about getting promoted. I'm worried about making Tech Sergeant on my next cycle, especially before I hit my ten-year mark.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

1) I'm driving around up in Evansville, and I decide to go visit my grandparents. I get to their house, and my Mom is already there. I go inside and we talk and eat. I got back the next day, and my Mom is there again. The third day, I go back, and my Mom is there and she's bought a new Jeep. I go inside and ask her about it. She says she doesn't like it because it's too big, so I tell her she should get a truck like mine, but she's not sure about it.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

1) I'm walking around in some strange city, when suddenly, everyone's skin turns inside out. Everyone's freaking out, but I just go and get in the shade. We all realise we can't be in the sun too long and we have to stay moist. I move into a hotel and I'm going to go use the pool, but the hotel starts charging people to use the pool, and I get all upset. Everything is fine for a few months, but something happens and we all decide we need to migrate to a better location. These big green aliens that kinda look like grasshoppers come down and help us. We're all in a big caravan and the leader of the big aliens gets really sick. Everyone is trying to figure out what to do, so they perform surgery on him. They open him up and I'm standing there, and they ask me to look inside to see if I can find out what's wrong. But I'm so disgusted, I can't do it. Everyone gets really upset with me, and I start to turn my head toward the alien and open my eyes.

Friday, November 25, 2005

1) I get shipped to a new base or something, and I have all my suitcases. I walk into the dorm and go to my room. I have a roommate, but he's out right now, so I kinda drop my stuff in the middle of the room. A bunch of guys come in and start talking to me. At first, I feel awkward, but they all seem like nice guys and we chat for a bit. We all go outside. The base is like a compound in the middle of nowhere. There are all kinds of people there, and they're all really paranoid about these killer bunnies. I see a pack of the bunnies, and they're really cute, but everyone tells me they'll rip you to shreds if you get too close. We're all out in the compound, and suddenly a siren goes off so everyone starts running from the bunnies.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

1) I'm driving this huge truck around base looking for a certain building. I find the building, go inside, and start wandering around. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I end up wandering out onto the flightline. There's a big cart full of bombs, and I accidently bump into them, and they start rolling toward a fleet of F-22s. I try to stop them, but the ramp is icy, and I just slide. The cart is about to hit a plane, and I finally stop the cart. Luckily, nobody was watching. I run back into the building, get into the truck, and start driving back to my shop. I find myself on a narrow alley, and there are people walking all over the place. There's a guy in the truck with me, but I don't know who he is. We're getting ready to turn a corner, when this guy and his two little girls walk right in front of me. I feel the truck run over them, and I immediately stop and start freaking out. The guy next to me gets out, but I can't move. I finally jump out of the truck, and I'm relieved to see the two girls are okay, but the Dad doesn't look good. The ambulance is already there, and they load the guy up and drive off. I'm just standing there, crying.

Friday, November 18, 2005

1) I'm in this big courtyard surrounded by some kind of apartment building on three sides. There are a bunch of guys watching television on one side and further down, Ellen Degeneres is watching a movie with some other girl. I go talk to Ellen, but I think I start to annoy her, so I go out into the courtyard and run around. There are fallen leaves all over the ground in huge piles, so I start running and jumping into the piles of leaves and rolling around in them. I get up and go see that the guys are watching TRL, and Madonna is on there and she says she's going to be in the street dancing to her new song, so everyone should come and dance with her. I go out into the street and there are tons of people out there and we all start dancing.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

1) I'm out in the country in Union Country, where I grew up. A guy I went to high school with lives out there, and I'm walking to his house. I have to go through this red fence, and into a big barn with a bunch of farm machinery. There's a bunch of guys from high school in there talking about tractors, and I feel really out of place.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

1) I'm on some kind of Air Force sports team and we're practicing in the gym. Chief Brown is the coach and we're running laps, but the only shoes I have are my Birkenstock clogs, and they keep falling off. I'm trying to run, but it feels like I'm running in water and I can't move my legs very fast. Chief says if I don't run faster, I'm going to have to run more laps.

2) I'm working backstage at a Gwen Stefani concert, and the stage keeps moving around. This big fat lady in the audience keeps trying to jump up on the stage, and I'm worried she's going to get hurt, so I keep trying to push her down, but she starts cursing at me and tries even harder.

3) I'm coming back from some kind of TDY and my squadron is on a bus. I sit down in an empty seat and MSgt Rogers sits next to me. He starts giving a speech to everyone on the bus about how disappointed he is in our performance. Then he sits down and starts talking to me. The bus starts going and I think the bus driver is lost. We start going down a big hill, and at the bottom is a big lake. The bus goes into the lake, but it's not very deep. We all get off and Alex is there.

Friday, November 11, 2005

1) I'm at Sea World, and I'm swimming around this big tank with a bunch of dolphins. A dolphin swims up next to me, and bites my finger and tries to take me to the bottom, but I get free. I swim to the side and get up on the ledge. A big truck comes along and starts dumping a bunch of dead dolphins into the tank. I try to climb higher, but I keep falling in.

2) Paul, Trish, and I are going on a road trip to my house, but there's a horrilbe accident and traffic is really backed up. We get out of the car and start walking around. I get my video camera out and we start filming each other. Then we see this huge motor home try to speed around the crash and it ends up flying over the side rails and catching on fire. We leave and get to my house and talk to my Dad for a while. Dooce is there and she and Paul discover that they're long lost cousins. We go to Church and both Caleb Moore and Caleb Wendt are there.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

1) I'm riding around in a pickup truck with Caleb and Nina, and we're making plans to take a trip over Christmas. Nina keeps making a big deal about the fact she has to work on Christmas Day.

2) I'm working in Barnes & Noble, and I see this Japanese guy put a book inside his jacket. I start chasing him, and he runs out of the store. We're running down the street and it's in a big city and there are tons of people around, so I keep bumping into people. Another guy helps me try to corner him, but he keeps getting away. He crosses a major street, and just as he's getting ready to go onto the sidewalk, I jump and grab his legs and take him down.

3) I'm in an apartment that looks like the inside of the house in Morganfield. There are a couple kids there, and I think I'm babysitting. Suddenly, in the kitchen, water starts coming down from inside the ceiling. A lot of water. I don't know what to do, so I start putting towels down, but it doesn't do much good. A cop knocks on the door, but I just ignore him. He starts yelling at me to open the door, but I'm too busy worrying about the water in the kitchen. I find a big pan and start catching the water and tossing it in the sink each time it fills up. And then, just as suddenly as it started, the water stops.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

1) I'm at a restaurant with Lindsay Lohan and some people from work. I get up to go to the bathroom, and Scott (a guy on RST with me) follows me. He starts talking to me while I'm peeing, and it makes me uncomfortable. We all leave and get into my truck. I drop everyone off at my apartment and make a run to the mall. My clock says it's only 8, so I have an hour left before it closes. I got to the T-Mobile place because I want to see when my contract expires, but it's already closed. I get kinda upset, and I'm looking around to see if they have hours posted. A couple guys come along that work there, but they don't open up.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

1) I'm at some kind of Church retreat in a hotel in Gulf Shores, Alabama. I'm staying in a room with Brian Vertucci, an old fraternity brother of mine. We're walking back from breakfast and trying to decide what to do for the day. We want to go swimming, but we're not sure where. I tell him about how my parents were there a few weeks earlier. That night, we decide to go out bar hopping, but he wants to go to a different bar than I do.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

1) Alex and I are in the lobby of a huge hotel in a big city. There are lots of people walking around, and we are trying to decide where to eat lunch. There are tons of restaurants, and I don't really care where we eat, but Alex is being really picky. We go into a restaurant and talk to the hostess and ask her how long it will be before we can sit, but then Alex changes his mind and we leave to go find another place. This repeats itself several times. Alex decides to check out a place on the second story, and I walk into another restaurant. I sit on a bench with a bunch of other people. A pregnant girl in BDUs sits across from me. We start talking and she says to me, "Once the Lord gives me this baby, I don't care if I ever eat again."

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

1) I'm in the dorm back in Vegas and I get a call really early one morning telling me I need to be at PT, so I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. I wonder if I should shave before I go to PT. I go back and sit on my bed and The Simpsons is on TV. I get to the gym and there are only a few people there. One of our female LTs is there and we run together.

2) Caleb and I go into Wal-Mart. I don't want to buy anything, but Caleb wants to look around. We sit at a table near the front of the store, and they start playing really good music. Caleb and I are freaking out because they're playing such great music at Wal-Mart. This big redneck guy comes along and tells us we're going to have to move because he's going to use the table for his barbrcue. We get up and go to the electronics department so we can hopefully find out who's DJing.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

1) I'm sitting on the bed in my parents' bedroom and the phone rings. It's some girl who says she knows me and wants to meet me at a restaurant. I ask my parents where the restaurant is, and they give me directions. I get there, and she walks up at the same time. We sit down and talk for a while. I go back home and the phone rings again. This time it's Jerry and he tells me he'll be in town, so I should come meet him at the airport. I shower and get dressed and go pick Jerry up. We go to the mall, and I realise I haven't fixed my hair, so we stop to get some gel, and the lady at the store starts spraying us with all kinds of cologne. I end up spending a lot of money.

Monday, October 31, 2005

1) I'm part of some elite, secret crime fighting team, and we discover a bunch of hidden tunnels. We start following them and one of them comes up in the front yard of the house in Morganfield. We crawl up above ground and see my Dad playing softball. He's trying out for a softball team, so we tell him we'll practice with him. I'm running for the ball, and I knock over the mailbox. We try to put it back up, but when we're piling dirt around it, a lot of it falls back into the underground tunnel. Then we see this guy walking up the street. He gets closer and we see he's a Native American. Suddenly, there are tons of others behind him and they start running toward us. We go inside the house, but they're getting in a trying to kill us. I run out the back, and start leaping really far across the hills.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

1) I'm at the house in Morganfield. My parents are there, but they have to leave to go get my grandparents, who are coming over for dinner. Mom asks me to clean up and start dinner. After they're gone, I'm working on cleaning up, but these zombie children start walking around in the yard, and I'm worried they'll get in and try to bite me. Mom and Dad get back, and they're kinda upset because I haven't gotten much done. I try to explain to them about the zombie children, but they don't believe me.

2) I'm in some kind of mental institution (possibly because of the zombie children story?), but it's in a cabin in the woods. I'm in this really long bay with about 20 other people, mostly guys, but there are a few girls. An orderly comes through every so often to feed us, but he's really mean and makes fun of us. One time he comes through and tells us he's been mixing human flesh into the food. He tells me one of the people he killed was "Katie" who he thought was my girlfriend. I told him I didn't date anyone named Katie, and we all jump out of our beds and tackle him and tie him up. We go out back and try to get someone to rescue us.

Friday, October 28, 2005

1) I'm in some kind of college class and Ben Stiller is the professor. I don't know anyone else in the class, but we start talking about which Black Eyed Peas songs we like. I tell everyone I can't stand the "My Humps" song, and they all get upset.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

1) I'm at a dinner at the Webers' house with a bunch of people, including the Wheelers. It's great to see them again, and we talk and hug a lot. I look over to another table and see Dr. McIver, one of my music professors from college, and his son, Rob. Rob is there because he's taking over the Misawa Hospitality House. I have to go to the bathroom, and when I go in, there's water all over the floor, so I decide I'll try to fix it, but Jack and Lucy keep coming in, and I start talking to them, and other people are wanting to use the bathroom.

2) I'm in New York City taking care of this little puppy. I'm walking around the streets carrying it, trying to find a home for it. I stop in a barber shop and the puppy jumps on the floor and poops. The barber guy doesn't really seem to mind and cleans it all up. I ask him if he'd like to take care of it, but he just stares at me.

Monday, October 24, 2005

1) Paul and I are out in the country driving a flat-bed truck looking for two deer that somehow escaped from somewhere and we got tasked with catching them. We find the deer in a field and cut the barbed wire and the deer get in the back of the truck. We go to the Hospitality House and I download all the pictures I took from the deer adventure to the computer there. There are lots of people there, and everyone is getting ready to go to sleep, but I'm not tired. I start watching TV and Saturday Night Live comes on. I start laughing at one of the skits, and everyone gets frustrated at me.

Monday, October 17, 2005

1) It's Christmas Eve, and I'm at the Hospitality House in Misawa and it looks just like my grandparents' house. I'm playing cards with Amy and Jeremiah, a guy from work. There's nobody else there yet. I start thinking about how much food is in the kitchen because if a bunch of people show up before the next morning, we'll want to have breakfast and the commissary is already closed. Then, Jeni-Bomb comes in from the kitchen, and she's already made pancakes, but she calls them something else. I think it's kind of odd to have pancakes on Christmas Eve, but I'm more concerned if there's any syrup.

2) Alex and I are moving into an apartment together. It's on the 6th floor of a tall building in a big city, and it's kind of in a bad part of town. It's a studio apartment, and we decide to paint it. We place our beds right across from each other, and I start thinking we're never going to get any sleep because every night when we lay down, we'll start talking and then it will be morning.

3) I'm working in an office and I'm frequently running errands. One time, I get back, and there's a new girl working at the desk adjacent to mine. She's very timid and everyone else in the office talks about her. One day, Johnny is going to give her crap, and I stop him. He says he's just trying to make her tougher, but I tell him that if everyone would be nicer, we wouldn't have to be tougher.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

1) I'm in this big warehouse with some people from my squadron and it's night time. This one guy is telling scary stories. People start disappearing and this other girl and I start getting kinda scared. One of the doors to the warehouse opens, but since it's dark outside, we can't really see anything. She and I realise we're the only ones left, so we just hold on to each other and stand in the middle of the building.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

1) I'm walking around Wal-Mart and I hear Green Day playing outside and remember they're having another show. I didn't get tickets since I just saw them, but I'm kinda bummed because I wouldn't have minded seeing them again. I start thinking about how I'm going to write about it on my blog. I go to the employee office because they have a paycheck for me, then I go stand in line at the customer service desk to see if they'll cash it. There's a guy from my squadron in line in front of me.
1) I'm in this huge stadium, but I'm not sure if we're there to watch some kind of sporting event or a concert or what. I'm sitting next to this girl and I think we're on a date, but she starts talking about this other guy. Then, there's this detective walking around because there's been a murder, and the girl I'm with knows the person that was killed. I'm walking around trying to find the crime scene. I walk back to my seat, and the girl tells me to leave, because I can't really do any good. I go to the dorm on base, and I'm waiting for Brian, one of my troops, to call because he needs help moving.

2) I'm driving through New Orleans (although it looks strangely like Morganfield) at night in a '57 Chevy convertible. The streets are wet and there are only a few street lights working. Sean "Diddy" Combs is driving another '57 Chevy right next to me, and we're kind of racing, but I end up passing him. I drive out into the country and end up at a condo owned by this old lady. I stay at her place and take care of her cat while she goes back to her winter home for a while. I leave the condo and start driving out in the country, but it's still dark outside and even with the bright lights on, I can't really see very far in front of me. I get really nervous, so I stop and turn around and hope I can make it back to the condo without having a wreck.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

1) I'm at a party with a bunch of work people. Johnny Frost is there and we're having a conversation about a bunch of punk bands, and I don't really know what I'm talking about, but I'm faking it pretty good. I want to leave and go to the Hospitality House, so I fake being really tired and tell them I have to get to bed. I go to the HH and meet the new missionaries. They have a huge dog who starts barking at me.

2) I'm staying at a big hotel and I'm sharing a room with Sleater-Kinney. We have a night full of great conversation and the next morning, they have to leave to go play in another city. I leave the room and I'm walking outside and I stop by a big gospel church and sit down for the service. The choir comes out and they sound great. I stay for the whole service, and as I'm getting ready to leave, everyone I see is really nice to me.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

1) I'm walking through the gym in Misawa, and I'm on my way from the front entrance back to the cardio room. As I pass the basketball court, I see this girl running the perimeter, and she has these shoes on that make her bounce really high. I've got my iPod on and I'm listening to a song by the Shins. I start wistling along, and then I get worried that people will get annoyed and maybe I'm wistling out of tune because I can't really hear myself over the music anyway.

Friday, October 07, 2005

1) I'm walking through this huge mall with some random people I don't know. I stop and see Abby, who's working at a store there. She's on top of a big ladder, and I stand there for a long time because I don't want to say anything that would make her fall. I keep standing there and she doesn't see me, so I decide to walk around some more and come back later. I get some lemonade, and go to Banana Republic. Then I walk back to Abby's store, and ask her when she gets off. She talks to me for a while, but I feel like I'm distracting her from her work and I don't want her to get in trouble, so I leave.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

1) I'm in my fraternity house, and Chandler and Monica from "Friends" are there. There is some kind of contest going on, but I don't really know what it is, so I'm just wandering around to everyone's rooms to socialise, but everytime I go into someone's room, they're on their way out.

Monday, October 03, 2005

1) Dad, Lisa Kudrow, and I are riding around. It kinda looks like Morganfield, but I'm giving directions to base, so we must be in Utah. I have Lisa's purse and she wants something out of it, but I have to take all this stuff out of it to get to the thing she wants. We start making all kinds of jokes about "Friends." We get to the base, and suddenly Keri, my cousin, is there with us, too. We talk about going to haunted houses. There's one on base, so we go get in line.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

1) I'm at my shop, and everyone is talking about the exercise coming up. I'm feeling lucky since all I have to do is guard weapons. Mr. Futakawame, our civilian foreman when I was in Japan, comes in and he's really upset because one of the GI bosses quit. Futa tries to give the tool belt, which signifies leadership, to me, but I don't want it, either. I give it back to him, and he runs off. I tell him I want to move to another shop. I go get in the shower, but when I get out, I can't find my clothes, so I walk around the shop naked. I'm worried that if I move shops, I won't be able to guard weapons for the exercise and they'll make me wear chem gear. I leave the shop and find myself in the suburb of the house in Morganfield. I start walking to the house, but there are lots of people out, and I'm worried they'll call the cops on me. I start running toward our house, which takes a while because a lot of people around have fences and I don't want to climb over them while I'm naked. I get to the house and realise I have no way of getting inside, so I run to the pine trees behind the next door neighbour's house, so I can hide there until I can figure out what to do. As I'm getting closer, I can feel myself waking up, and I start to float in the air.

Friday, September 30, 2005

1) I'm working at Gap in Vegas again, and lots of the same people still work there. It's my first night, and whenever any customers come in, I do my best to greet them and point them in the right direction. On my break, I buy a sweatshirt. Melissa comes in to say hi, and a few other people are with her. I talk to them for a bit, but I don't want to look like too much of a slacker, so I tell them I have to get back to work. Later, when we're getting ready to close, my manager tells me I should have gone through her to buy my sweatshirt because it was an employee purchase. Also, they list everyone's sales for the night, and the only thing I have is the sweatshirt I bought.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

1) I'm driving a brand new Camaro out in the country to my squadron picnic. I pull in, and I'm hoping everyone sees me and likes my car. I park and get out and walk through this big house. I see everyone out back, and it's mostly people from my squadron in Japan. The picnic is being held this really rich guy's house and he has two big rollercoasters in the back. I see Adam Watson and Mikey Kiel, so I start talking to them. Mikey seems really depressed, so I'm trying to cheer him up. I tell him we should go to Vegas one weekend, and he says he's trying to save money so his brothers can visit.

2) I'm walking through a big mall, and I go into a department store. The sales ladies are being really nice to me, but I don't see anything I really like, so I feel kinda bad. Some guy walks up to me, like he knows me, and I end up buying him a shirt, tie, and belt. There are these two teenage girls there buying prom dresses and making a lot of noise. I walk out and get on the escalator, and at one point, it starts going backwards, and I can't walk fast enough to make it to the top. Some lady on the escalator with me is an ultra-conservative radio personality and she falls off because she can't keep up.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

1) I'm walking through this big office building because I heard that Garah is working there, and I want to go visit her. I walk for a really long time, and I finally see her handing out leaflets and a kiosk. I talk to her for a bit, and she seems really down. I ask her how Levi is doing. She leaves and I follow her. She's driving in her truck and goes into a grocery store. I try to follow her, but I go into the wrong store. I turn around and find the right one. I go inside, but I can't find her, so I look around and a few other random things like books and patio furniture.

Monday, September 26, 2005

1) I'm a back-up dancer on tour with Madonna, and we're in the middle of a performance, between songs, and we're changing costumes backstage. We're getting ready to go out to perform "Vogue" but someone has misplaces Madonna's costume, so everyone is really freaking out. I'm just sitting in the dressing room and then someone finds it so we finish the performance. We're in a different city, and we're performing this song where we're wearing these really weird gold outfits and jumping in and out of these doors on the stage, and I keep accidentally going in the wrong door. All of the sudden, all these people come in the arena, and they're all evacuees from the hurricanes. Madonna tells them all they can stay and see the show for free, and she even decides to start over from the beginning so they don't miss anything.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

1) I'm with my parents and a bunch of their friends on a road trip. We stop at this theatre and watch some kind of Biblical play. After the performance, the director comes out and tells us that one of the actresses will be moving on to another production, so they have this tradition of sending them off after their last performance. The girl comes out on stage and there's this really loud shriek and she starts screaming and all these lights start flashing. It's kinda scary, but everyone starts clapping. We leave the theatre and everyone gets kinda frustrated because nobody can make the call on where to have dinner.

Friday, September 23, 2005

1) I'm riding with my Dad on his bike, and there are several other riders with us. We stop at this big house out in the country to visit a family. The family has a bunch of daughters, and we eat breakfast with them. We leave and head home to the house in Morganfield. When we get there, Chris has made the house into an audition place for people to be on American Idol. Mom and Dad don't seem to be too upset, though. The kitchen has been totally rearranged, and it makes no sense.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

1) I'm hanging out at this random girl's dorm room, and she has to share a bathroom with the people next door. I go in too pee, and after I'm done, I decide I need to shave. I go to the sink and pick up a razor, but I can't find any shaving gel, so I just get the razor wet and start shaving anyway. It's not doing a very good job. Then, one of the guys from the opposite room walks in and asks me what I'm doing. I tell him I'm shaving, and he just looks at me funny.

Monday, September 19, 2005

1) I'm in New York City, and I get on the subway, but I don't really know where I'm going. I get off and go up to the street. There's graffiti everywhere, but it looks really beautiful to me, so I don't know if I'm in a good area of town or not. There are lots of rough-looking people staring at me, so I decide to get back onto the subway. I get off again, and I'm walking around, and I overhear some people say they're looking for a new roommate, so I start talking to them. I go to their house with them, and it's really old, but in a cool way, so I move in. I'm walking around and meeting lots of people and I meet the guy that owns the house. Then Pat Gamblin walks in and I ask her how she's doing.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

1) I'm at this big party somewhere, and I don't really know anyone. There are some cartoon characters there, and they're being really loud and obnoxious. Someone turns on the television, and I see a sitcom starring Jay and Sarah Weldon, people I knew in high school. Things start to get really crazy, so I walk out to my car, and there's a girl in there that I don't like very much. I tell her I'm just going to hang out until the party calms down a bit, and she says she's doing the same thing. We start talking and realise that we don't dislike each other as much as we thought. She starts giving me a massage.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

1) I'm deployed but it's not to the desert. We're driving around in these big motor home-type vehicles. We get back to our shop and Ryan and this other guy start playing ping pong. Ryan is losing pretty bad and he gets really upset and starts to make excuses and is being a really sore loser. I get fed up so I go into another room to play the pinball machine. When I get there, a bunch of guys are working on it and debating on whether to take the legs off or not.

Friday, September 16, 2005

1) I'm riding my old bicycle around and my old friend Justin is on the back. We're riding all over this town looking for something fun to do. We don't feel like shopping or eating or whatever, and we just can't think of anything fun to do. We end up getting on the interstate (still on the bicycle) and driving to some girl's house. We're almost there, and I see my Dad walking down the road wearing a suit. We stop and talk to him, and I tell him we're going to this girl's house for a wedding. We all get there, and find out it's the girl's Mom who is getting married. After the wedding, it's starting to get dark, and we're all sitting in the yard. I walk across the street to this building and Ellen DeGeneres is inside hosting a big lesbian party, so I stick around for a bit.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

1) I'm watching some big fighting competition between people and these huge dogs, and they both have super powers. The people can shoot laser beams and the dogs talk and can fly around and stuff. It's on top of this big wall right next to a huge lake, and every time one of the dogs lose a fight, I feel really bad for them and I run down to the pit to see if I can helpt them.

Monday, September 12, 2005

1) I'm riding around with some people in a big motor home. We hear on the radio that this horrible winter storm is coming through, and they tell us to find shelter. We end up going to this huge gymnasium. It's really nice inside, and there are about 100 people there, also taking shelter. Jake Gyllenhaal is there, and he's showing us around. We go skinny dipping in the pool for a while, and then we all head to the kitchen, which is totally stocked. It's like a big party, and we're kinda hoping the bad weather lasts for a long time so we can stay for free.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

1) I'm deployed to the desert, but my time is almost up and a bunch of us are getting ready to leave. I'm worried because we're supposed to be leaving in a couple days, and I haven't started my out-processing yet. Johnny, a guy in my shop, already has his done, and his wife is there visiting. We're living in these really nice dorms, and every time I go up to my room, this girl gets angry at me for walking all over the floor she just cleaned.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

1) I'm in a mall with a bunch of people who are supposed to be my family, I think. They're really ghetto and we're all carrying guns with us. We walk into a store and there are these really cool sunglasses for sale, but they're $1000 bucks. One of my brothers(?) wins some kind of contest, and gets to buy the glasses for $120, but he doesn't want them. I tell him to wait until I run to the ATM so I can buy them. I go to the ATM and I accidentally hit an extra zero, so I end up pulling out $1200, and the ATM runs out of money. I go back down to the store to buy the sunglasses and there's a robbery in progress by a guy from a family that we really don't like. He attempts to leave the store, and we all gang up on him and pull out our guns. I'm shaking and I accidentally shoot him in the hip, sending him to the ground. He's still alive, and the ambulance comes and takes him away. Everyone says I'm a hero, but I feel awful. Lisa Kudrow comes up and gives me a hug and tells me she's pregnant with my baby and I start crying uncontrollably.

Friday, September 09, 2005

1) I'm at the house in Morganfield, and I'm out in the garage with my Dad. I see my brother's old bicycle, and I start thinking about fixing it up so I can ride it. I put air in the tires, but there's a hole, so they keep deflating. I walk downtown to where the bicycle shop is, and it's really difficult to walk. Every time I have to jump over a ditch, I end up falling in and getting wet. I finally get there, and I'm walking around looking at all the different bikes. I start thinking about just buying a new bike, but I wonder if I should because I hear that lots of bike riding can cause erectile disfunction later in life. While I'm walking around, I see Cameron Diaz talking to the old man who works there. I overhear her telling him she wants to go out with Dave, this guy in my shop, and I get jealous because I want to go out with Cameron.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

1) I'm working with a bunch of guys in a shack in the middle of a big field. We're all working on some big machine-like thing, but I don't really know what's going on, so I just hand the guy next to me a bunch of little parts out of a bucket and hope for the best. I start singing a song, and then Thom Yorke shows up, and tells me that the tune I'm singing would be great for the new Radiohead album. He sits down and starts playing this weird musical instrument, and writing lyrics on a paper. He keeps asking for help, but I tell him I don't know anything about writing songs. Then MSgt Rogers walks in the door, and tells me that I should help Thom out and that maybe songwriting is something I would like and it wouldn't hurt to give it a try.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

1) I'm in a really poor family, but they just got a lot of money, so they're building a new house, but still living in the old one, which is really in shambles. I have a bunch of older siblings, and they're all really mean to me. My sister likes to throw these big balls of wax at me, and get it in my hair and stuff. I'm always locking myself in my room and walking out on the roof, which gives way beneath me every time I walk on it. The only thing that makes me happy is when my father comes home and talks to me about airplanes.

Friday, September 02, 2005

1) I'm leaving work on a Friday afternoon, and everyone there is going to this bar downtown, so I decide to go, too. The bar is really crowded, and everyone is having a really good time, but I'm just kinda wandering around looking for people I know. I see Garah, and say "hi" but she has a bunch of her other friends there, so I don't really tag along. I see Pat, Garah's Mom, come in, so I go talk to her. She's looking for Garah, so I tell her that I'll go and look for her. I walk around the bar looking for Garah, but I can't find her. I go back and tell Pat that I can't find her, but I'll keep looking. I start walking around again and I hear this guy outside singing really loud. Everyone looks out the window, and it's this civilian guy from my shop. He's really drunk, and him and two other guys are getting into a truck to go home. He keeps singing really loud and everyone is laughing at him. I see Randy in a booth, and tell him that the guy was doing the same thing at the shop earlier that afternoon. I start walking around and see Garah again, along with Sherry and Amy, and I tell her that her Mom is there looking for her and she just rolls her eyes.

2) There are a bunch of criminals with super powers in jail, and I'm supposed to be guarding them. They all keep trying to trick me into letting them go. I tell my boss, and he says the only way to stop that is to kill them all. I don't want to kill them, but he orders me to do it, and if I don't, then I might end up dead myself. He says the best way to do it is to kill each one with their own weapon. One of the criminals has a really tiny head and his weapon is a big lasso, so I grab the lasso and try to wrap it around his neck, but he opens his mouth and it ends up gagging him. I start to feel really bad for him, and I put him back in his cell. I start talking to all the other ones, and even though I know they're all evil, I can't help but feel sorry for them.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

1) I'm hanging out with my family, and my friend Kyle and I decide we want tattoos. We're all walking around and we see a bunch of tattoo parlors. We go in and make appointments for later that evening, much to the chagrin of my mother. The design I give the artist is of a big metal bus and I want it on my right shoulder. We walk around some more, and go back later for our appointments. The artist is running behind schedule and I get frustrated and leave.

2) I'm stripping at a bar, and I'm walking down this big runway, shedding clothes as I walk. I'm down to my underwear and everyone's cheering me on, so I decide to go ahead and rip my underwear off, too. I get to the end of the runway and the song ends, so I walk to the bar and order a drink. All these people are around me and laughing and telling me I did a great job, so I'm thinking at least one of them will buy me a drink, but nobody offers to pay. Since I obviously don't have my wallet on me (I'm still naked), I tell the bartender I have to go back to where my clothes are to get it. I walk back to the locker room, and get dressed. When I get back to the bar, the cops are there, and they've stopped all alcohol sales, so everyone is leaving. When I walk outside, it's really cold and rainy and there are patches of ice. The sun is starting to come up. I'm walking behind this really attractive black girl and we start to make small talk. She says goodbye and starts to walk into a building. I slip and fall on purpose hoping she'll stop and talk to me more, but when I fall, I really hurt myself. I'm bleeding from my head. The girl keeps walking, but this other guy stops. He says he's too poor to help me, but he calls these other people who are members of some cult. They're way too happy in a creepy way. They load me in the back of their minivan and start talking about how this one guy that went to their church killed someone because he was told to, but he should have known which orders to obey and which ones to ignore.

3) I'm staying with Melissa, and we decide we want to go downtown. I get in the shower, and she gets in with me. We get cleaned up, and start walking downtown. It's kinda dark, but the moon is really bright. Of in the distance, we see this guy standing in a field. We walk closer and see it's Mikey Kiel. We start calling out to him, but he doesn't hear us.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

1) I'm at my old church in Morganfield, and there are several people there. We're all laying around in the foyer and socialising. I'm waiting for Trish to come and get me. We're supposed to get beer and then go to a big party. I'm worried that she won't be able to find a parking spot, but a few people leave, and Trish comes in right afterward. I go out to meet her, and we head to the convenience store to get beer. We go inside, and there's a lady there who's freaking out over the garbage can because of some law suit that was filed against an innocent woman.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

1) I'm in the desert and I'm hanging out with Mikey and Adam. We have some kind of mandatory PT every day at 5:30 PM where we have to walk around this big track. One day I leave my tent and go over to Mikey and Adam's tent, but we can't find Adam anywhere. So we go to the tent where all the computers are, but he's not there, either. We somehow end up at a taping of Saturday Night Live. I don't recognise the guest host, but apparently, she was in some kind of foreign war film. The opening monologue turns into some big circus performance, and it's really lame. After it's over, I'm looking around, and I see Jon and Garah, but I don't know what they're doing there.

Friday, August 26, 2005

1) I'm starting a new job at some kind of retail store, but the store is on a wharf right next to a big lake. We're selling these really cool alt-like clothes that are, in fact, way too cool for a guy like me to be selling, and I'm kinda worried they're going to fire me because I'm just not cool enough to work there. The only time I feel cool is when we're all comparing tattoos. One day, after we close, the other employees and I are out walking along the dock, and this big boat comes along, so we all get on board. The deck of the boat is really low and close to the water, and sometimes, when a wave comes along, we all get really wet. Then we see some kind of big monser or dragon in the water, and we start to panic. Then we realise it's just the tattoo from one of the other workers.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

1) I'm housesitting for somebody in this really nice condominium. It's really late, and someone knocks at the door. I open it up and there is Shaun Chauta and all these people I don't know. They all come in and start having this big party. The music is getting kinda loud, and I'm worried that the neighbours will complain, and that whomever I'm housesitting for will get really angry with me. Eventually, everyone falls asleep, and I'm laying on the living room floor. I keep hearing the bass from the stereo, but when I get up to go turn it down, it's already off, so I don't know where it's coming from.

Monday, August 22, 2005

1) I'm on a plane that crashes, and when I realise what's going on, the whole plane is under water. I manage to find the door and kick it open and swim out. I surface to find we're in a lake in the middle of a small town. The plane is really small and there are only four or five people on board. I swim down and grab everyone and drag them to land. Slowly, people start to come out of their houses to see what's going on. I get on my cell phone and call 911, but it's really difficult to talk to anyone because the reception is so bad. Everyone in the town is a bunch of rednecks and they keep reassuring us that help is on the way, but I have a really bad feeling. The flight attendant and I are tending to this other guy on the plane who was injured pretty bad, and it turns out to be Ben Affleck. I overhear this guy from the town telling another guy that if any of us are Jewish, then they're going to kill us. I start to get worried because I don't know if Ben Affleck is Jewish or not.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

1) Don and I are hanging out and he takes me to this concert festival and tells me to take a bunch of pictures. We're walking around and there are so many people that we can't find each other. I end up hanging out with these really attractive ladies who are in their 40s/50s. They're all upset and unhappy with their marriages and they start telling me all about it. I don't know what to do, so I just stand there and listen. The festival is about over, so all the ladies and I are trying to find our way out, and we end up walking through this big series of tents and security doors. I finally make it to where all the cars are parked, but I can't find Don.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

1) We're getting ready to have a birthday party for Caleb, so I pick him up a present and I drop it off at his girlfriend's house, since that's where the party is going to be. After that, I talk to Josh and Sarah, and they want to put something in the same box as my present, so I take their present back to Caleb's girlfriend's house, and unwrap the present I bought to put the other box inside, but I can't get it to look right when I try to re-wrap it. So I just decide to take the box home with me and re-wrap it there, but I'm really nervous because I'm riding my motorcycle and the box is kinda big, so I'll have to drive with one hand. I go over to Josh and Sarah's house, and we start talking about how we all had small parts in Napoleon Dynamite. Caleb and his girlfriend get there, and we start talking about what we're going to do that night. Caleb's girlfriend wants to invite his ex-girlfriend, but she's not sure if it's a good idea. I tell everyone I don't care what we do or who goes with us, but I really want to do something fun and they'd all better decide what we're doing by the time I get out of the bathtub. I go take a bath and when I get out of the bathroom, no one has made any kind of decision, so I start throwing out suggestions like bowling, miniature golf, and going to the park to toss around the frisbee.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

1) I'm driving in this big city, and Mike and Brian, two guys from work, are following me in another car. I pull into a parking spot, and they pull in next to me. We get out and start talking about a camping trip, then walk down the street to look for a music store.

2) I'm driving through Morganfield, and I see this horrible car accident where a lady is driving a car and it suddenly flies through the air and hit the side of the Methodist Church, knocking a big chunk out of it that falls and almost hits a girl on the sidewalk. I get home and my Mom is cooking this big dinner. This old lady is there and she tells me she's my grandmother. The old lady keeps telling Mom she wants pizza, but Mom won't give her any because she's not able to eat it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

1) I'm at a party at some girl's house with Josh and Sarah, and I don't really know anyone else there. We're having a really great time, and I pull out some marijuana that somehow got into my pocket. We all debate on whether to smoke it. Then, the girl's parents come home and see the pot and they don't really care. I'm talking to her parents and trying to make a good impression on them.

2) I go down to Vegas and my friends Jim and Gene are living in this really huge house along with this other guy Jason. They're giving me a big tour of the house, and the whole time, these really hot girls are walking in and out. I ask Jim if they live there, and he says they just come and go as they please. Gene's wife comes in and starts talking to me and making me feel really awkward. Then Gene comes over and kinda sets me at ease.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

1) I'm working in this factory that's also a front for a bunch of terrorists who are trying to buy a big bomb. To prove their loyalty to the terrorists, all the workers have to have their legs cut off, but I refuse. I tell the head terrorist guy I'm going to expose him, so they put me in this big bag and throw me in the back of a truck.

2) I'm at my cousin's wedding and I have to talk to all these people I don't know. I'm doing my best to keep smiling the whole time, but it's really difficult because some of the people are really weird and annoying. They have this magician guy there who knocks me on the floor and pretends to break my ankle.

Friday, August 12, 2005

1) I'm living in this really poor town and there's a big riot going on. I'm walking around trying to find out why everyone's so upset. I go to work and everyone there is wondering how to keep everything under control, and we decide to work in shifts. We set up all these guard shacks, and I'm sent home to get some sleep. I'm hoping things will settle down before I have to come back that night. While I'm walking home, people start mauling me, and I manage to get on top of a big building. Suddenly, everyone stops screaming and starts walking around like they're really disappointed.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

1) I'm back in college and I'm in a fraternity, but I don't really like it very much. I'm not really good friends with many of the other guys, and I'm debating on getting out. There's a big party on campus one night, and I'm walking around with these two girls and I'm acting like a total idiot. I keep apologising to the girls and telling them I'm feeling "out of sorts." I go back to the fraternity house and I see Jerry Howard, who's getting ready to start school there as well. I give him a big hug and we start talking. I ask him if he's thinking about pledging a fraternity, and tell him that I'm seriously thinking about de-activating.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

1) I'm riding a motorcycle with my Dad and a bunch of his friends. We're basically just going around in a big circle in the middle of Morganfield. Everyone is in a really good mood and laughing and stuff. I leave and go out to the country to help with some kind of big project. When I get there, Allison from the Gap is there, and I'm trying to show off my motorcycle.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

1) Ryan and I are on leave and we're hanging out at our new place. The doorbell rings and I open the door to see MSgt Rogers. He seems kinda angry, and asks why we're not at work. I tell him I'm on leave, and that I left a copy of my leave form on his desk before I left. He acts like he doesn't believe me, but then tells me he's just joking. But he's still upset with Ryan. I leave and go onto base and I see my Mom teaching a bunch of little kids.

Monday, August 08, 2005

1) I'm in a Hallmark store, and I'm looking at these little cutout animal posters, and I'm thinking about shoplifting them, but then this old sales lady comes over and asks if I need any help. We start talking for a bit, and then she leaves. I try to find the posters again, but all the shelves and aisles have moved around.

2) I'm hanging out at this bar and there's this big gang of people there who are all criminals of some type. I'm driving this huge car and it's parked outside, and I'm worried I'm going to get a ticket, but the gang members tell me not to worry about it. Also, all the gang members have their birthdays in different months, because they say it's good luck. One of them is this really tall female, and I start talking to her about what it's like to pull off a bank robbery.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

1) I'm with my squadron and we just finished a deployment. Before we can get back home, we have to stay overnight in this big mall somewhere in the AOR. We're divided into groups, and each group has to sleep in a different store. Plus, we all have a curfew, and we can't leave the store unless we have this card. I want to walk around, but it's getting late, and the guy in my store that has the card won't give it to me, so I wait until they're all asleep, and I grab the card. As I'm leaving the store, this girl stops me and tells me not to go, so I start yelling at her. I leave and walk around, and then come back and apologize to the girl. The next morning, we're getting ready to leave, and I see one of the lieutenants in my squadron driving around in a Volkswagon Beetle and he has it decked out to look like an iPod. After we get on the bus, I start making fun of his car, and then I shut up real quick because he's sitting right in front of me.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

1) I just get back from a deployment and everyone I was deployed with has to fill out these big surveys. I turn mine in to my boss, and he's looking it over, and he starts asking me all these really personal questions that have nothing to do with the deployment. I get really nervous and start wondering why he's asking these strange questions. Then he starts acting like he's just joking around. I smile and leave his office, but I'm feeling really uneasy about it. I go back to my office and my parents and grandparents are there. They say it's almost Christmas so they've come to take me home. I go to grab my bag, but first I have to go help the commander's secretary clean out her office. We're trying to vacuum up her office with a shop vac and there's all this water everywhere and it keeps messing up the shop vac.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

1) I'm at the house in Morganfield and there are lots of people hanging out. I'm standing in the family room and looking out the window when a mortar hits and blows a big hole in the side of the house. People fly everywhere, but they just get up and act like nothing has happened. I yell at everyone to get down and take cover in case there's another one, so everyone lays on the floor. Another mortar hits and it's even bigger than the first one. There's a Japanese guy laying on the floor in front of me, and his clothes are on fire, but he doesn't know it, so I put the fire out. I get up and take cover next to the fire place. Nicole walks in the door leading to the garage and looks at everyone lying on the ground and acts like nothing is wrong. I tell her to go into the basement and do a UXO sweep, and, for some reason, I keep calling her "Erin."

Saturday, July 23, 2005

1) I'm hanging out with the Fantastic 4, and Drew Barrymore is there, too. She's got some kind of superpowers, as well. We're in this basement or warehouse or something, and we start talking about some secret documents. Drew decides she's going to take the documents to the police, and I tell her she can't do that yet. Suddenly, we're all fighting with each other and Mr. Fantastic is all stretched all over the place and I'm trying to grab the documents and run out until we can decide what to do with them.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

1) I'm going to school and living in this really nice apartment. After class one day, I'm in the bookstore, and I run into this pretty attractive girl, and we start talking for a while. I go home and invite some friends over to hang out, and even though I didn't invite her, the girl from the bookstore shows up. She starts acting really annoying and obnoxious, and eventually, everyone leaves except her. She tries to hang out late, but I get kinda fed up and politely ask her to leave. She walks out the door and I go to bed. I start hearing noises coming from my closet, so I get up and look inside, and she's in there messing around with my clothes. I get angry and yell at her, and she leaves again. I get back in bed, but I can't sleep because I'm so scared this girl is going to be back in my apartment and try to hurt me.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

1) These two guys in my shop are in a horrible car accident, and everyone thinks they're dead, but they keep showing up for work and they look like zombies, but they act normal. Then Caleb, Josh, Sarah, me, and a bunch of other people are riding around in this huge SUV on our way to the movies and we have a wreck. We get out of the truck and walk to the movie theatre and everyone is staring at us. After the movie, we start talking and realise we all have broken bones and we're all bloody and we should be dead, but we're not. I go back to work and the two zombie guys there start being really nice to me.

2) I'm walking around the mall and we get attacked by aliens, just like in War of the Worlds. Me and this girl get picked up by the big tentacles and we're inside the ship. I don't think the aliens can see me because I'm still a zombie, so I start messing around inside the ship trying to pull wires and stuff to get it to crash. This big alien eye shows up and sees what I'm doing and freaks out. The ship starts to fall and the girl and I jump out just in time before it crashes.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

1) I'm at an Armani Fashion show, but I'm not wearing anything Armani because I thought it would be tacky to wear a guy's clothes to his own show. I'm standing along the side of the catwalk and all these supermodels are there and walking around. Sometimes they come stand by me and start making small talk with me, but I don't think anything about it. I just accept it, like I've been friends with them all my life. For part of the show, they bring out all these wheelchairs and a bunch of people, including Lindsay Lohan, start racing around in them.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

1) I'm at a house next to the ocean, and there are several people living there. I'm in the process of moving in, too, but I still have most of my stuff at my old place. I'm messing around with the computer and I can't get it to work, so I call a repair guy and he comes over. While he's working on the computer, I'm laying on the floor and Sarah Brown comes in and lays on the floor with me. The computer guy finishes his work and we all go out to the beach. While we're there, we see this giant tidal wave coming, so we run back toward the house. The wave crashes, but it just gets our feet wet. I start looking around for my car, and I can't remember where I left it. Caleb comes home and picks me up and we drive around looking for my car.

2) I'm flying in a private jet with a bunch of people including Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver. We fly to this small town in South Carolina. We get off the plane and start helping wash the trucks at a fire station. There are also a bunch of children around and we're playing with them, too. There are all these little ponds and fountains all over the place, and these goldfish are swimming in them. We gather up and start to get back on the plane again, but as we're going through the little passageway to get on, the plane takes off and this guy is standing on the wing.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

1) Scott and David, two of my friends from high school, are living in Utah, and we're riding around town trying to decide what to do. Caleb is also with us. David is really depressed, and I'm trying to cheer him up. I start talking about how it was totally God's plan that all three of us ended up in Utah, and how great it is to live near both of them again. We're driving around to different malls and talking about what to do for the weekend. I start reading a newspaper and I look up and realise we're stopped and Caleb is gone. Scott tells me he went inside the mall, so I go inside, too, because I want to look around. While I'm inside, I look down and I'm only wearing tighty-whitey underwear and I'm walking across the tile floor and I slip and fall and I feel like a total idiot. I just keep walking hoping nobody noticed, but I know they all did. I find Caleb and he's messing around with these little toys that spin across the floor. I try my hand at working it, but I'm not as good as he is.

Friday, July 08, 2005

1) I'm getting ready to go skiing with Mom, Dad, Angie, Chris, Andrew, and John, and on the way to the lake, some of us are riding in the boat while it's still on the trailer. We cross the river toward Indiana, but somehow end up back in Morganfield. We get out and start hunting for Easter eggs and a bunch of hidden candy.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

1) I'm home visiting Garah because her parents are having a big party for her because she graduated med school. There are all these people from high school there, and we are all swimming in this big indoor pool. Garah is passing around all these old pictures and we're all signing the back of them.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

1) I'm home visiting my parents, and they live in this huge mansion. One night I get in my car and drive into this big city to go to a rave. I pull up to this old warehouse and find a parking spot. When I get out of my car, I see a cop driving around really slowly, and then I see my Dad pull up on his motorcycle and start talking to the cop. I walk past the spot where the rave is, and down to a little convenience store and pick up a soda and a pastry. The girl at at the counter starts flirting with me, but I don't think she's very attractive, so I just kinda smile and walk back to the party.

Monday, July 04, 2005

1) My parents live in this huge mansion and my Mom has started up a reality television show where all these guys are competing for something, but I don't know what. I go home in the middle of filming all of it, and I'm driving my old car around the property. I see these three guys walking around wih a bunch of luggage, so I stop to ask if they need a ride. They end up being these guys who lost out on the show, so they're on their way home. They all get in and I start asking them about this television show because I haven't even talked to my parents yet.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

1) I'm home visiting my family and one night while I'm sleeping, there's a big earthquake. The next morning, we find all this damage to the roof of our house. We go to visit my grandparents and I spend most of the time there watching TV. I go out to my old high school and end up getting put in a group that has to perform a play for the 7th graders to tell them not to use drugs. I go into the library to make a copy of the script, and realise I don't have a way to get back to my house, so I call a cab. I'm riding in the cab and it starts to rain. When we get back to my house, the cab driver says she appreciates the way I didn't try to make meaningless conversation with her. At my house, there are a bunch of people, including some carpenters from my shop in Japan, trying to help my parents fix the roof.

Friday, July 01, 2005

1) I'm a professor at a college and I'm walking down the hall. I stop and see Bruce Willis teaching in one of the rooms, so I listen at the door for a minute. He's telling a joke, but I don't hear the whole thing because another professor sees me and thinks I'm slacking off so I leave and go to the bathroom. I walk into the bathroom, but all the urinals are really high so I have to stand on my tip-toes to pee and I feel kinda stupid. I leave the bathroom and see Jon Wright and we decide to go on a road trip to look for this missing guy. I have a big motor home and we both get in, and then this random old guy gets in, too. He starts giving all this annoying old-person advice and Jon and I want to tell him to get out, but we don't have the heart so we decide he can just go with us. We're getting ready to leave town and I stop at a grocery store to pick up munchies. I grab some Pringles, Pop Tarts, and a few other things, but it's too much for me to carry, so I ask the girl if I can leave it at the counter while I get sodas and she gives me a mean look.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

1) I'm at some kind of camp and I wake up one morning and it's Friday, so I decide to skip the classes I'm supposed to attend and walk around. I'm kinda paranoid that someone will catch me, but I do it anyway. I'm walking around through a bunch of buildings, and suddenly I realise I'm really far away from where I started, so I get in this random car and start driving back. The road gets really slick and I'm sliding all over the place and running into these big fences. I get back to this big building where everyone else is and they're talking about this big ceremonty we have to go to. Then something goes wrong with all the plumbing and I volunteer to fix the plumbing in order to get out of going to the ceremony.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

1) I go down to Vegas to visit Melissa, and when I get there, she's still at work, so I walk into the compound and they are in the middle of a big formation. I see a bunch of people from Misawa in the formation, and after they're done, I go talk to Melissa. I start to give her a kiss, but she tells me not to because other people will see and start rumours. We talk about what we're going to do over the weekend, and after she leaves, I stick around to talk to some of the Misawa people.

2) I'm in the audience at the David Letterman show, and he gets some volunteers to do a bunch of crazy stuff. I have to walk around this big parking lot and get people to write letters about Jessica Simpson. After we get back to the theatre, all of us are on stage with N*SYNC and we make funny t-shirts for them. We leave the stage and end up outside, but when we try to get back to our seats, nobody will let us in. The show ends and everyone leaves, but I stick around because I want to tell David Letterman some great ideas I have for future stunts.

Monday, June 20, 2005

1) I'm shopping in a big mall with my Dad and Caleb Wendt. I stop to look at some sunglasses, but I can't find a decent pair. They're all really weird or funny coloured or something. When I look up, Dad and Caleb are gone, so I walk around the mall searching for them. I find Dad, but I think he's kind of upset that we all got separated. He tells me to stay right there, and he's going to go look for Caleb, but as soon as he leaves, Caleb walks up from the other direction.

2) I'm in this weird town and everyone seems to be hiding some kind of secret. I'm walking around and whenever I try to talk to anyone, they act really suspicious. I go out into the country to this old abandoned house, and Gilbert Gottfried is there. He tells me to go up onto the balcony. I walk up the stairs and Tim Allen and Tom Hanks are up there. Tim is trying to tell everyone about a book he wrote that exposes all these weird secrets in the town, but nobody will listen to him.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

1) I'm at a big party with a bunch of people I don't know. I'm walking around and trying to make conversation with people, but nobody seems too impressed with me. I walk upstairs and see a bunch of people playing cards, one of whom is Heather Armstrong. I try to talk to her and look cool by referencing old Liz Phair songs, but she doesn't seem very interested. I walk back downstairs and a bunch of porn stars are giving lap dances, so I sit on a couch and one of them mounts me and starts gyrating.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

1) I'm taking some kind of music class at a school located in this really old, really tall building. It's the first day of class, and I'm kinda nervous, and I have to climb several flights of stairs to get to my classroom. When I get there, the teacher assigns me the duty of evaluating everyone else. I start looking over everyone's work, and I'm being a really harsh critic. I leave and go to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. I stare for a really, really long time, and eventually, I see myself as other people see me, and I realise how ugly I am.

Friday, June 17, 2005

1) I'm at the Hospitality House in Japan and about seven of us decide we want to go on base. We all pile into my truck, with four in the back and three in the front. We're going through the POL gate and the guard checks our IDs. Just as we are pulling away, I hear her say something about too many people and not enough seatbelts, but I just keep driving. We drive by the club and it looks like a big casino, so we decide to stop. One of the guys in my truck is Wes Pardue, this guy I went to high school with, and he's playing the flute.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

1) I'm in college and I'm playing volleyball with a bunch of people, and all I'm wearing is underwear and a sweatshirt. The game ends, and I go across the street to my dorm room. There's a package laying on my bed from Alex's parents. Inside, I find a t-shirt and a Transformer watch that has this big toy gun sticking out of it.

2) I'm in a band that's playing at a festival inside a big train station. My parents are driving me to the station and parking is really confusing. I get out of my parents' car, and go get into another car where Sleater-Kinney is hanging out. We start talking and I mention that I saw them at a festival in Indio, California, which was the same show where Sonic Youth got all their equipment stolen. We keep hanging out in their car, and I have my computer with me, but it starts acting funny. Then I show them my cool Transformers watch that Alex's parents sent me. I wonder if I should start talking to them about Jesus.

Monday, June 06, 2005

1) I'm at a party at an old warehouse and there are a bunch of people there I was acquaintances with in high school and college and Vegas. The music is really loud and everyone's dancing and stuff. Then this girl starts passing around pills and I'm getting a really bad feeling, but they keep pushing them on me, so I put a handfull in my mouth, but I don't swallow them. I walk outside and I start spitting out the pills, and Ellen Degeneres is there and she starts lecturing me on helping the homeless.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

1) I'm testing for promotion, and since there are so many people testing, we have to test at this big high school. Some guys I work with and I take a GOV to the school and I'm playing with this Transformer that all the officers gave me as some kind of congratulations gift. When we get there, we talk to this guy at the entrance that if we don't have a time yet, then we have to walk around to the teacher's lounge to get one, but the teacher's lounge is all the way on the other side of the school. So I start walking there, and for some reason, I take my shirt off and all I'm wearing is a pair of khakis. I keep getting lost and it takes forever to get to the teacher's lounge, and when I finally do, this lady there tells me they've just given out the last testing time for today, and I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm really bummed because it took forever to get there, and I kept getting lost and stuff.

Friday, June 03, 2005

1) I'm riding on the back of a flat-bed trailer going down the highway, and there's this big accident, and somehow I end up developing super powers where I become really bendy. For my super-hero name, I pick "The Contortionist."

2) I'm at a big furniture store and Scarlett Johansson is there. I accidently knock this big glass table over, but it doesn't break. There's a fire place and this criminal guy starts tunneling in through the bottom of the fire place, but when he breaks through, the whole floor starts to collapse. Everyone is running out of the store and Scarlett trips and starts to fall into the hole. I grab a rope and pull her out.

3) I'm on a street corner in a big city and I'm talking to these two girls that work in a deli. Then the National Anthem starts to play over a PA system, so I stop and stand at attention. After it's over, the girls just kinda stare at me for a minute, then we start talking about how a bomb went off at another deli and they're both really suspicious of the government because the only guy that was killed was saying really bad things about George Bush. I leave and walk down the street to a big amusement park. I go in and they have this big display set up that looks like slave quarters on a plantation in the south in the early 1800s.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

1) I'm on a trip to Vegas with my parents and my grandparents. We check into the Las Vegas Hilton. My Dad has reserved a suite, and we get to the room and it's really big. Unfortunately, I have to sleep on the fold-out sofa. It's getting dark outside, so I walk out on the balcony to check out the view of the Strip, and at first I don't see anything because there's a big black-out. Then, slowly, the lights start to come back on.

2) I'm in Vegas and I'm staying at the Luxor with a bunch of friends. Sarah Jessica Parker is there, and we're hanging out. It's around 9 PM and I tell her I want to go back up to my room and shower before we go out to clubs that night. She tells me to meet her for drinks at 10 and gives me her cell phone number, which makes me really happy because she doesn't give her number to just anyone. I get back up to my room and get ready. Then I start to freak out because I can't find my phone and if anyone finds it and sees Sarah's number on there and starts calling her, she's gonna get really mad at me.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

1) I'm working at a base in Morganfield, and I'm out in the woods doing a site survey with the Commander and a couple other guys. We walk by a cemetery and we start talking about doing a project to make the headstones look nicer. We also see an open grave and someone starts talking about how they used to bury people alive, and I think about how horrible that would be.

Monday, May 30, 2005

1) I'm living in the dorm and one night Jay Tennant comes in my room and asks if he can have a couple days off work to go to a graduation ceremony. I say it's cool, and then I ask if he has any plans for the evening. He says he and Thaddeus are going to perform some kind of rap thing at this really exclusive club. I ask if I can go, and he says it's okay, but I can't bring anyone else since the club is so small and snobby.

2) I'm at a University of Louisville basketball game and they're having try-outs for a dance team. I leave the ball game and go home where I start sorting through all the books on my shelf. The bookshelf falls over, so I start putting all the books back up, and as I do, the characters in the book come to life and start yelling at me.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

1) I PCS to another base, and when I get there, they stick me in a structures (carpentry) shop, and also, my brother is working there, too. I'm clueless about how to do any kind of carpentry work so I'm just kinda walking around, watching what other people are doing, and trying to look busy. A bunch of officers come in to give out a bunch of awards, and they're just randomly walking around to see if anyone's name is on the list. I'm thinking that I have an award coming, but I don't want to appear too eager. I see them leaving, so I tell my brother I have an appointment and I start walking out with all the officers. They see my name on my shirt and pull out this big huge plaque with my name on it and present it to me.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

1) I'm at a rollerskating rink with Jeni-Bomb and a bunch of other people from Misawa. We're skating around and we decide to try to do tricks like in the iPod commercial, but it's a lot harder than it looks and we just end up sliding around on our butts the whole time.

2) I'm at some kind of opera house or something, and I'm sitting in a seat and I'm thinking the performance is getting ready to start, but I kinda have to use the bathroom, but all I'm wearing is a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt and I don't want to walk through the lobby because everyone else is really dressed up. I have a backpack underneath my seat, so I'm going through it hoping there's a pair of pants or a sweatshirt or something. I keep asking the people around me when the show is going to start, but they keep changing the subject.

Friday, May 27, 2005

1) I'm at my old Church and we're singing the Lord's Prayer and we finish, but then I turn the page in the hymnal, and there's a second verse but the words are all modern and hip-hop-like (i.e. Big Daddy, all up in ya crib). I'm kinda liking it, but I look around and I see all the old ladies frowning.

2) I'm shopping with some girl I assume is a friend of mine, and she tells me she wants me to go back to her house with her because she's suspicious of her husband and she doesn't feel safe. So I go back with her, and her husband and her son are watching television. I sit down and watch TV with them, and she gets up and leaves, so I'm feeling really awkward because I've never met them before.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

1) I'm at work, and there are a bunch of people asking for a bunch of paperwork I don't have, so I'm searching frantically all over my desk, but it's not turning up anywhere.

Friday, May 20, 2005

1) I'm driving along a highway, and I'm taking an exit to get onto another highway. I'm driving about 65 mph, and I look up and see a cop with his lights on. At first I think he's probably after someone else, but when I pull over, he pulls over, too. I get my license and military ID out and he comes up to the passenger side of the car and gives me a ticket. He's wearing some kind of hunting outfit, and the only way I know he's a cop is by his hat. I tell him there was no signs telling me the speed limit was any lower than 65 mph. Just then, a guy pulls up behind the cop car and gets out and starts yelling at the cop. They start arguing, and the cop tells me I'm going to have to follow him back to his house. We get back there, and the guy who pulled up turns out to be the cop's son. The son's girlfriend is there, too, and all three of them are arguing, and I'm just sitting there feeling really awkward.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

1) I'm walking around this huge mall, and I decide to go into an electronics store to see if they have the camera I bought any cheaper. While I'm in there, I see this guy who has two very young sons in wheelchairs. They both have to go to the bathroom, so I try to open the men's room door for them, but it's locked. I go up to the clerk and ask why the door is locked and he just kinda smiles and apologises. I start walking around the mall again and decide to get a smoothie, but I can't find the smoothie place.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

1) I'm visiting the Church I grew up in, and instead of the traditional organ/piano/choir music set-up, they have a five-person band playing P&W. They're totally rocking out, and I'm kind of stunned to see all the little old ladies singing along. Then they stop and start leading everyone in a chorus of "How Majestic Is Your Name" and one of the girls in the band starts playing the bassoon.

2) I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dream telling me to shave my head, but I don't really remember the details.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

1) It's my first day in the desert and I'm moving all my stuff into my tent. All the tents are co-ed, but nobody really cares. I need to go by the BX, but I don't know where it is, so I grab my flak vest and helmet and start wandering around trying to find it. Some guy tells me he'll take me there, but we get separated and I end up getting on the back of a truck with a bunch of people. I'm sitting next to a girl, so I start talking to her. I ask her where she's from, and she says northern Alabama, so I ask if she knows Brad and Kristy. She starts smiling and we find out we were both at the wedding in March.

Monday, May 16, 2005

1) I'm working for some kind of special forces and my mission is to go behind enemy lines and blow up a bunch of their equipment. But I can't just shoot at it, so I have to get in to their tanks and planes and helicopters and plant dynamite inside. So I'm running around throwing all this dynamite into all this equipment, and sometimes I see the enemy soldiers inside the cockpits and they're all dressed like stormtroopers. After a while, they start chasing after me, and I'm running up to one helicopter with nobody inside, so I decide to hide out in there. I get inside, but the stormtrooper guys are right behind me and I don't have a lot of time, so I do my best to hide. I get real still and I can hear them right outside and I'm really paranoid that they can see me.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

1) I'm in college, and I'm taking time between classes to go run at the gym, but when I get there, I just walk aroun the gym looking for something to do, but don't actually work out. I go to a diner afterward to get something to eat, and while I'm sitting at the table, all these kids come in with Kiss makeup on. So I leave and go back to class, and I'm sitting in front of this really cool guy so I turn around to talk to him, but he's talking to the guy behind him. I turn back around, and I see Lana sitting the next row over.

Friday, May 13, 2005

1) I'm in Japan and I'm bowling with a bunch of people. We finish, and we're walking out to my truck. I'm waiting in line to pull out of the parking lot, and a big, huge truck pulls up next to me and scrapes the side of my truck. All these sparks are flying, and I'm getting really angry. So I get out, and the guys in the other truck get out and say how sorry they are. I'm starting to think that these guys will never pay me for the damage they've done to my truck.

Monday, April 18, 2005

1) I'm working in a big office building when all the power goes out, so I find a flashlight and I'm trying to find my way out. As I'm walking down the hallway, I find a little boy hiding in the corner, so he comes with me. We hear footsteps behind us, and I turn around and see this creepy looking maintenance guy following us, so we start running. We're going down the stairs, and I decide to check to see if the elevators are still working. We find an elevator door, and push the button. The doors open, but it's an empty shaft. I'm looking down the empty shaft and the maintenance guy is inside climbing up the walls. The doors start to close and the guy grabs my leg and I'm trying to get away.

Monday, April 11, 2005

1) I'm a groomsman in this really big, elaborate wedding, and it's right before the ceremony is about to begin, and I still don't really know what's going on. Everyone is running around trying to get last minute stuff done and I'm just kinda standing there watching. Regardless, I'm excited because I heard someone say Weezer was playing at the reception. Then I see Dan come in and find out he's a groomsman, too. He's got his tux with him, and I follow him into the bathroom to help him put it on. I'm kinda disappointed, though, because he doesn't seem to excited to see me, even though we haven't seen each other in almost two years.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

1) I'm at work and I'm doing some job at the hospital. They have a bunch of chemicals and they're worried about whether they can just dump them down the regular drain or not. I'm trying to do a bunch of research on the pipes and where they lead and what the chemicals are. Then this doctor guy tells me I need to fill out some financial aid forms. So I'm working on these forms and I don't know the answers to any of the questions, so I start making up answers, and I'm really worried they'll catch me.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

1) I'm walking across the border into Mexico, and I see some guys playing soccer in a park, then I walk down a big hill and up to the passenger side of a black car. The window rolls down, and it's my sister (Ed: I don't have a sister.) in the driver seat and a little girl in the passenger seat. My sister says they are taking a road trip down to Cancun and just stopped to get something to drink. The rear window rolls down and Drew Barrymore is in the back seat with two other little girls. They are drinking lime slushies. I start talking to Drew and she offers me a drink of her lime slushie, so I drink some because it's really hot. I start flirting with Drew, and then she mentions her boyfriend is one of the guys playing soccer at the top of the hill, but she doesn't sound too pleased with him, so I keep flirting. Eventually, they say they need to get going, so they leave and I start walking back to the top of the hill, but some Mexican army guy grabs my arm and stops me. I start fighting him and punching him, and I'm surprised he's really easy to beat up. He starts chasing me up the hill, and we stop every few feet and fist fight some more. Every time I knock him down, though, he gets back up and catches up with me. We get to the top of the hill, and some guy I can't see starts shooting at me with a machine gun, so I use the army guy as a human shield to make my way back across the border. Once I'm on the American side, I'm perfectly safe again.

Friday, April 08, 2005

1) I'm with Russell Crowe on a big ship (like in Master & Commander) and the ship is sinking because the crew hit it with their own cannons. The ship sinks and everyone is happy and laughing.

2) I'm a guest on David Letterman along with Janet Jackson, and it's the day of the show and I'm walking around the studio. I tried to get on an elevator with Janet, but the doors closed too fast. Suddenly, I'm a black guy and I have really long hair. I'm getting my hair and make-up done before the show, and the lady is trying to make my hair look really funky, but it doesn't work, which is good because I don't like it anyway. Now I look like myself again, and I finally run into Janet and tell her I totally intend to buy her new album, but I'm in the military and in the middle of deploying to Iraq and all I brought was my iPod. I'm hoping for some major sympathy in the form of a free CD or autograph or kiss, but she just looks at me and smiles and says "thanks." Also, the whole dream is interspersed with scenes from the movie "Mumford," which I've never seen.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

1) I'm working as an operative in some foreign country where the government is corrupt and holding a bunch of people captive. I'm trying to help this girl escape and I meet up with her, and all she wants to know is where she can get Taco Bell.

Monday, April 04, 2005

1) I'm back in Misawa, and I'm giving a new guy a tour of the base. We're driving around the flightline, and I'm trying to show him all the cool stuff that Misawa has, but he doesn't seem too impressed. So we go to the BX and start looking at X-Box games.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

1) I'm working as a counselor in a high school, and I'm lecturing this female student who doesn't like to participate in class and kinda has an attitude. After she leaves, I start talking to the other counselors and saying how I wish I was more of a rebel and an individual when I was in high school instead of such a follower.

2) I'm hanging out at Caleb's house one afternoon, and I realise it's getting pretty late and I'm supposed to be having people over to my house that night, and I still have to go to the grocery store. So I get to the store and I'm looking at the milk, and I see two different sections of milk and I don't know what the difference is between the two. I start reading the labels for each, and I see this other woman is doing the same thing. We start talking and we decide that one section is the regular section and the other section is the organic milk. I start putting a few gallons of organic milk in my cart, and then I see Caleb pushing my cart and he tells me I have too much milk.

Friday, April 01, 2005

1) I'm at some kind of summer camp with my family, and I get in trouble (I don't know why) so they make me deliver mail for the rest of the week. Ken, a guy from my shop, is there, and he tells me he's supposed to drive me to the main counselor's cabin. I told him I could drive there on my own, but he says since I got in trouble, I'm not allowed to drive, either.

Monday, March 28, 2005

1) I'm deployed to Guatemala and we're working on the demolition of an old building. My brother is operating a big crane and I'm riding on the wrecking ball. He gets really mad at me, and starts chasing me around this old building. At first, I'm fighting back, but then decide I'm going to lay there and be peaceful and just let him beat up on me. He decides not to. Then we go back to camp and we're all planting gardens and trying to decide which vegetables to plant and where to plant them. Plus, we all have to decorate our tents in a certain way, and I want to put Christmas lights on mine. Then I'm getting ready to go to bed, so I take a shower and I realize I'm out of q-tips, so I go out to the bus to see if the bus driver, who happens to be Don, has any. He does, but he's only got a few left, so I tell him I'll just do without.

Friday, March 25, 2005

1) I'm snowboarding with a bunch of people I don't know, and the snow on the mountain isn't very deep. We keep coming across patches of grass. It's getting really dark outside, and one of the guys I'm with says his house is just ahead. So we snowboard into his yard, and go inside for a while. I hang out with his family for a while, but decide I need to get home, so I start to go outside and put my snowboard on. I'm kinda worried because it's dark and I don't know my way back very well. Then his Mom comes out and tells me she'll take me home in her truck.

2) I get orders to go back through basic training again. I get there, and everyone is really nice, like we're at summer camp or something. We're checking into our dorms, and outside, Liz Phair is putting on a concert, but nobody else knows who she is, so I start requesting songs and she starts talking to me. I go back in and we start playing these cheesy icebreaker games. The only person I recognize is this guy from my shop that I don't really know that well, so I'm desperately trying to make small talk with him. I'm also worried about whether they'll let me keep my contacts in or if they'll force me to wear those ugly basic training glasses.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

1) I’m in Vegas with a bunch of people, and we’re looking around for Jim and Nicole’s house.  We find this electronic map, and I point to where their house is with a little pen, and suddenly, all of us are right outside their door. We go inside, and Jim and Nicole start cooking us this really great vegan dinner. We're all eating and decide to go walk around downtown. We end up in this really scary neighborhood, and decide to turn around and go home.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

1) I’m driving through Morganfield with my parents, and we stop at a motorcycle show so my Dad can check things out.  We’re walking around looking at all these motorcycles, and I see a bunch of my Dad’s old girlfriends.  I’m wondering if my Mom will get jealous, but she doesn’t.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

1) I'm at this big waterfall with James Murphy and his parents and we're taking a big tour of the area. Then the waterfall stops, so I decide to climb up the side of the mountain. I get towards the top and the water starts flowing again, but it's going over me, so I'm not really getting very wet, but I can't see anything because of all the mist. I want to get to the top, but I can't, so I start to climb down again. When I get to the bottom, I see James and his parents get into a big truck and drive away.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

1) I'm on tour with the choir in college, and we're staying overnight at this cabin in the woods. There's a really scary monster outside, so everyone's really afraid. A girl and a guy start fighting, and she grabs his shoe and throws it out the door, but he doesn't want to go get it because he's afraid he'll get eaten by the monster.

2) I'm sitting in the kitchen in the house in Morganfield watching Alanis Morrisette sing at some awards show on television, and my Mom comes in and she's been crying, so I ask her what's wrong, and she won't tell me. So I keep asking her and she finally says that she and Dad have been thinking about having another child and they were supposed to have a doctor's appointment the next day, but my Dad couldn't get out of work. So, I hug her and tell her how awesome it would be if they had another child, but whatever's best.

Monday, March 14, 2005

1) I'm in class in college, and there's a new guy I've never seen before, so I decide to be nice and introduce myself. He's a football player and he comes back to my dorm room and shows me this really cool website. He ends up hanging out for a really long time, but it's starting to get late and I want to go to bed. So I put on my pajamas and he just kinda stands there looking really clueless, like he doesn't know I'm trying to go to bed and he needs to go home.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

1) I'm at my house in Morganfield for lunch, and my parents are there, but they go back to work shortly after I arrive. Before they go, they ask me to do a few chores while I'm home. So, I eat really fast, and the phone keeps ringing, and I'm trying to get all these chores done before I have to go back to work. I'm doing the dishes, and there's something wrong with the garbage disposal and it keeps shooting food up all over me.

Monday, March 07, 2005

1) I'm helping teach a bunch of people how to swim. One of the other teachers is Tania, and we're standing by the side of the pool talking while all the students are in the water. One of the students is a little older, and I look over and see her getting out of the water, so I walk over and ask her what the problem is. She says she's upset because she's older than the others but can't seem to pick up the technique as well, so I give her a little pep talk and she gets back in.

2) I'm moving into a dorm room, and by some mistake, they've put four people, two of which are girls, in the same room, which is meant for only two people. The other guy in the room is Brad, so he and I start thinking of ways to build a loft into the room so everyone has a place to sleep. We start playing around with guns and shooting at each other, but not really intending to hurt anyone. Then a bunch of FBI agents bust in and interrogate us regarding what we think about the cast of ALF.