1) I'm at a big party with a bunch of people I don't know. I'm walking around and trying to make conversation with people, but nobody seems too impressed with me. I walk upstairs and see a bunch of people playing cards, one of whom is Heather Armstrong. I try to talk to her and look cool by referencing old Liz Phair songs, but she doesn't seem very interested. I walk back downstairs and a bunch of porn stars are giving lap dances, so I sit on a couch and one of them mounts me and starts gyrating.