Friday, June 30, 2006

1) I'm at a NASCAR race with a bunch of people including my Dad, my aunt, and Jack, this guy I went to high school with, his wife, and about three or four other people. I bring my computer along because I think they have wi-fi at the track, but after we sit down, I open up my computer and I can't get a signal. After the race, we're all eating dinner, and I'm having a nice conversation with Jack's wife. After dinner, I go sit on the couch, and she comes and sits on my lap. I'm kinda uncomfortable, but Jack doesn't seem to mind. I'm telling her about how we go to Rooster's a lot, and one of the bartenders there just got her boobs enlarged. Jack leaves, but his wife stays on my lap and no one seems to mind. She starts telling me how she prefers the word "titties," and I tell her how much I hate that word, and that there's no real good substitute for "breasts" without sounding like you're in high school.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

1) Ken and I are going to see a band called Panic! At The Disco at an outdoor venue. We get there, and there's a maze of fences we have to walk around, but some people just got to walk through because they paid a lot more for their ticket. We finally get to the stage, and we're right up front. The band comes out and the singer is high and sweating really hard, and I think he's getting ready to pass out. I say to Ken, "This man has to be gotten to a hospital!" And Ken says, "A hospital? What is it?" Like we're quoting from the movie Airplane. But I don't think it's funny because I think the singer guy is really sick. So I go get the security guard and he tells me it's not his problem, but he'll call a car to take me to the hospital so I can bring back a doctor. The car gets there, and it's being driven by Frankenstein, so I get in and he drives me to this old mansion. I'm kinda worried about my own life, but Frankenstein is being really nice. When we go inside the mansion, I meet all these other monsters, and they're all very nice. I'm trying to find out if any of them is a doctor so I can get them to help the singer guy at the concert, but they just want to play games.

2) I'm in Morganfield with Stephanie, this girl in my squadron. We're at my Church, and decide to go to the grocery store. After walking around there, we find some nice people back at Church who invite us to dinner. We go, but they have to stop by the bank first. It's getting dark outside, and I'm surprised the bank is open on Sunday. Stephanie and I start talking about how we're not looking forward to the exercise coming up next month.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

1) I'm getting ready to graduate from basic training. We're all in this big room and the training instructors are getting ready to hand us our diplomas, but they won't give them to us until we finish cleaning our dorm. I get really upset and consider sneaking out and getting on the bus.

2) I'm babysitting two kids for a day, and I decide to take them into town for ice cream. We're in a little cafe and I'm ordering ice cream for the kids and coffee for myself. This guy comes in and start harassing the girl behind the counter. She's trying to be polite, and I ask the guy to back off. He pulls a gun and shoots the girl in the head. I grab the kids and jump behind a booth. I'm hoping the kids didn't see anything, but I'm sure they did. I'm worried they'll be traumatised for life, and that their Mom will never let me babysit for them again.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

1) I'm at home with my family, and it's Mother's Day. We're at Church, and when we walk in, it's super crowded. We find a place to sit right next to the Gamblins. Pat shows us what Garah got her for Mother's Day. It's a big pretzel, and Pat thinks it's the greatest Mother's Day present ever. I suddenly realise I forgot to get my Mom anything, and I'm wondering if there will be anything open in town so I can grab something right after Church without anyone realising I forgot. A girl in the front clicks these two rocks together, and all the children go up front for children's time. I'm the only one left in my pew.

2) I'm living in my grandparents house, and Samuel L. Jackson comes over. He's acting just like his character in Pulp Fiction. I'm trying to be really nice to him because I don't know if he has a gun or wants to kill me. He stays for a long time, so I'm thinking he doesn't want to kill me. He asks if he can take a shower, so I show him to the bathroom. He comes back out, and I'm feeling a little more comfortable with him, so I ask if he will stop using the Lord's name in vain, because it really bothers me. I also tell him the rest of his language is pretty disgusting, too, but I can handle that as long as he stops saying G.D. He laughs and says he'll try.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

1) I'm walking around a really nice neighbourhood early on a Sunday morning with a girl who is apparently good friend of mine. I'm supposed to hang out with my Aunt Karen that night, but the girl I'm with is kind of upset, and I think she wants me to ditch my Aunt so I'll hang out with her. But I don't see my Aunt very often and I don't want to ditch her. I consider inviting the girl to hang out with my Aunt and I, but decide that would be a bad idea, and end up walking around with the girl for a while. We walk through the neighbourhood, and end up at a dormitory where a bunch of people from my squadron live. We're walking through the dorm and a bunch of the people who live there are still partying from the night before. I try to find this girl from readiness so she can sign off on some paperwork of mine in order for me to deploy. But every time I go into a room, I see her walking out a door on the opposite side and the people there tell me I just missed her. I try to run faster to catch up with her, but my legs won't move fast enough.

2) I'm at Church, and when I walk in, some of the pews have been replaced by beds, so I lie down in one of the beds. There's a book of photography on the bed, as well. The preacher starts giving the sermon, and I'm looking through the photography book. Some of the photographs are nudes, and when I flip past one of them, an old lady behind me gasps. I'm embarrassed, but I don't know what to do because that book is obviously what the preacher wants me to be reading. I get off the bed and walk out the side door, which leads directly into the parsonage. I'm watching the rest of the service on a television, and the preacher is taking off all his clothes and talking about how we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies because that's how God made us. After the service, the preacher comes in and tells me he's been fired. I feel really bad for him, but he's not upset because he says he's found a bunch of old Biblical artifacts, and he's going on some mysterious archeological mission (a la The Divinci Code). I see this strange artifact in a glass case in his living room. It's a big triangle-shaped rock, and it's floating around. I turn around to talk to him, and when I turn back around, the big rock is gone. Suddenly, there's a big earthquake.

Monday, June 19, 2006

1) I'm in some kind of dormitory, and there are lots of people I know that live there. I'm just walking around from room to room saying hi to everyone. I go outside and there are some little dune buggies there, and we all start riding around. The one I have is smaller than the others, but it turns better and jumps higher. I go back into the dorm and into the room of my friend Anthony. There are a bunch of different coloured vacuum cleaners there, and I start using one of them. Anthony leaves and comes back in with a girl. They get on his bed and start having sex. I leave the room and see my Mom in the hallway. Anthony comes out and starts talking about the girl he just had sex with, but I'm all embarrassed because my Mom is right there.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

1) I'm at my shop, and it's dark outside because some of us are working late. We're cleaning up the shop and getting ready to go home. One of the guys waxed the floor, and it's really slippery in spots. We start running and sliding everywhere. I see that there are these hugs rooms in my shop that aren't really there. The floor is so slippery in there, that some guys start playing hockey with a couple brooms. I go outside to empty the trash, and when I come back inside, the fire alarm goes off. I run to the panel and it takes a long time to find the right key to open it. I finally open the panel and shut off the alarm. One of the guys there asks when I'm going to throw a party for my supervisor.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

1) I'm walking around in this huge, vintage bookstore, and some girls start talking to me. They're really attractive, so I start to get kinda flirty. They ask if I want to run a race with them, so we go outside, and there's all these people around waiting at the starting line. We run the race, and then go back to the bookstore, but when we get there, I look down and realise I don't have any pants on. I go around the bookstore looking for my pants, but all I find is this big chandelier, and I'm looking around for a place to hang it.

Friday, June 16, 2006

1) I'm at some kind of camp with a bunch of guys from work. It's late at night, and we're all walking around the campground. We go into a cabin and we hear water running, so we go into the basement and a pipe has busted. So we start working on it, and Mike and Brian are both kinda freaking out, so I tell them to calm down and go grab Ken, because he can keep his cool under pressure.

Monday, June 12, 2006

1) I'm exploring a huge cave. It's really dark, and I stop for a while, so I light a campfire. When I leave, I make sure the fire is out, but when I get back to the cave entrance, I can see the fire still burning in the distance. I don't want to walk all the way back to put out the fire, so I open up this video screen I see, and I start clicking on all these buckets of water. Putting out the fire is like a big video game. As soon as the fire is out, my phone rings and it's Jerry Howard. He's getting ready to leave for China and he wants to hang out for a bit, so I tell him to come pick me up.

Friday, June 09, 2006

1) I'm deployed to the desert, and Mark Wahlberg is there. He's brought along a little hamster, and he spends all his free time caring for it and playing with it. We're in our tent and he comes in frantically looking for it. We search the tent high and low, but can't find the hamster. He gets really upset and starts to cry, and everyone else is laughing at him. I feel so bad for him because it seems like he's lost his best friend, even if it is a hamster. And then I think, "Wow! Mark Wahlberg is really famous and handsome, and he's this upset over a hamster?" But I still give him a hug and tell him it will be okay.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

1) I'm living back in Morganfield, and my Mom has just had another baby. Everyone is really careful and quiet because nobody wants to wake her (the baby).

2) I'm on a base there's a new guy in my squadron who's actually an IMer who's driving pallets of water around the squadron on a forklift. The forklift tips over and he gets burried. We dig him out and he's not breathing, so I'm totally freaking out and call 911, but I'm so hysterical, I screw it up somehow and have to dial it again. It takes the paramedics forever to get there, but they do CPR or something and he starts breathing again.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

1) I'm walking through a mall, and I go into this store. They have a display set-up that looks exactly like my Dad's bedroom. I think it's great because it reminds me that I need to get Dad something for Father's Day, and now I can see what to buy him that will go good with what he already has. I leave the store, and as I walk into another store, I see a lady that I know, but I can't remember her name. She's with her family, and as she walks by, I say, "Hello, Jean-Paul."

Thursday, June 01, 2006

1) I'm at my parents' house, and I'm in the bathtub. I can hear a bunch of people talking outside the bathroom. The dog, Rudy, comes in the bathroom, and I start petting him. Then my parents and this other guy come in because the guy is thinking about installing a new bathtub in his house, and he wants to see ours first. But I'm okay because I have a blanket on, too, even though I'm in the water.

2) I'm visiting my family in South Carolina, and we're all hanging out at my aunt Karen's house. We're going to have a big party for my brother, but nobody knows what to buy him. My aunt Patty asks me to go with her to the store to get him something, so I get in the car with her. She ends up driving to this porn store, and we go in and we keep laughing really hard at all the stuff inside. There's a clerk at the store who keeps following us around and she won't leave us alone. She keeps telling us to reach inside this big bucket and pull out a prize, but we're afraid of what might be in there.