1) I'm getting deployed, and the military is paying for us all to spend a weekend in a really nice spa. I'm taking a shower and these people keep coming in and bringing me soap and towels and stuff. After I leave the shower, this lady says she's going to give me a massage. At first, I don't want one, but then decide to go ahead and take it. She makes me go into a room for a few minutes where these guys take a bunch of pictures of me. When I leave the room, I find out they've made an exact clone of me. The massage lady finds me again, and brings me into another room. My clone is in there laying on his back. She lays some pillows on top of him, and I lay on the pillows so my clone and I are face to face. She says this is somehow supposed to relax me and help me look into my inner chi or chakra or something. I'm start talking to my clone, and he knows he's a clone, and I wonder what will happen to him after I leave. He asks another guy in the room if he's supposed to hear Madonna's voice talking to him. I lean down and start making out with my clone for a minute. He gives really wet kisses, but they're still kinda nice. The massage lady tells me to relax and she starts rubbing my back.